force potty training?

United States
February 4, 2007 10:33pm CST
ok im having a problem.. my son is almost 3 now and he really needs to get potty trained... i had tried this several months ago after he showed several signs of being ready.. the first few days of potty training went very well, however he suddenly decided to not want to go on the potty anymore! he likes looking at the potty and will even sit on it.. however if he has to pee he will hold it until i put another pull up or diaper back on him! i had stoped the potty training since it obviously was not the right thing for him at that time, however he needs to be potty trained and i dont think its acceptable for him to be 4 or 5 before this happens! i dont want to have to force potty training on him, but really dont know what else to do.. does anyone have any suggestions? or has anyone else had this same problem?
8 people like this
26 responses
@wrdsofwisdm (1070)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Okay I had to do a little research since I don't have a little one yet. I found these tips from parents on a few different sites. One Parent put a few cheerios or fruit loops in the potty with a little water to make it a game for him to aim and shoot. For poops it was sending a torpedo (lol) and then give him a little reward for doing it. Another one put a little red or blue food coloring into the bowl. When the urine hits the water red turns orange and blue turns green. I guess her son loved that he could change the color when he went. Yet another one made a Surprise bag which was a colorful paper bag filled with cheap little toys and stickers. Whenever he went in the toilet, she said great job and let him pick one item out of the bag. This one kind of relates to your first response. She said her daughter would do great and then stop and demand diapers. So she bought the last pack and explained to her daughter that this was the very last pack of diapers that would be there. She then took her daughter to the store to pick out a pair of undies. When the diapers were almost out she reminded her that she would be wearing the undies soon. Then she put the undies on her with a pair of plastic bottoms over them. She said her daughter had three accidents and didn't like the feeling and stopped wetting. I hope this helps. These actually sound like pretty fun ideas.
4 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 07
oh the food coloring sounds like it would be fun! thankies much for your input :)
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
This isnt directly related to the topic, but it kind of amazes me that these are the same techniques we use to train dogs to get housebroken. Pee outside get a treat. Pee in your cage/crate you have to roll in it and lay in it which is not comfortable. Good luck none the less!
• United States
13 Feb 07
These are very good bits of advice I have a 2 year old and the time is almost on its way! Wish you the best with your 3 year old.
@sylvrrain (659)
• United States
5 Feb 07
I would continue having him sit on the potty chair, even if he holds it. He will be trained when he is ready. One thing that should work, get rid of the diapers and pull-ups. Both of those pull moisture away from the skin, so he does not realize how uncomfortable it is. When I potty trained my chidren, there were no such thing as pullups. It was either a pamper, or little terry cloth underpants. Sure, my laundry increased, and there were messes to clean up at first, but they did not like feeling wet, and they figured out what the potty chair was there for. It did not take long. My children wore the pampers at night, but during the day, they wore underpants. So my advice, from experience, is to get rid of the pullups. Feeling a little uncomfortable will teach them a lot quicker than staying dry.
• United States
5 Feb 07
thankies much for the suggestion! ive heard of putting on undies under the diaper so they feel just how uncomfortable it is.. so maybe ill try that... hes starting to really dislike when he is wet even with just the diaper or pull up.. and i tell him that he needs to go in the potty if he doesnt like how it feels..
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 07
Just keep trying with him. When you need to use the restroom, tell him "i have to go potty!" and go. When you have finished, return and say "i'm a big girl! i get a treat!" and get yourself a cookie or something. Don't get a treat every time...give yourself "privilages" and such. Just show him that using the toilet is the thing to do. Say things like "Mommy is a big girl who uses the potty when she needs to pee." Don't just tell him to use the potty. show him. Monkey see, monkey do.
• United States
5 Feb 07
well i do take him to the bathroom with me and tell him that big girls and boys go to the potty like mommy does.. but he doesnt seem to care too much about that!
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
My 3rd child who is now 3.5 is having a heck of a time. It seems as though he's actually scared to poop. If it just happens its okay, but to say...OH I HAVE TO POOP and sit on the potty & wait, he freaks out. Literally. Crys & shakes. Just three months ago, he would run & at least get me a diaper to put on him so he could venture off into seclusion to poop. So I just don't get it. I'm another frustrated mother over here!
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
ive heard that some children dont like pooping in the potty because they feel like its a part of their body thats uhm going away.. so maybe u may want to sit and talk with him about how its not a body part and its just stuff he doesnt need anmymore.. maybe that will help
1 person likes this
@all4ucnc (861)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Some kids don't like to be watched while they are doing there business, and so let them use the potty in peace. Give a cool book to look at, and read while he's it.
1 person likes this
@tabyorky (281)
5 Feb 07
My son was 3 last month and we tried him on the potty and for a week or so it worked, but then he refused to go on the potty at all. So we bought one of those seats that go on the toilet, so that he would feel more grown up, and he loves it and does really well for going for a wee, but has only done a poo on there once. We encourage him by giving him treats and most of the time he goes on his own without being told. He does still have accidents though, so I always have plenty of washing to do. I also found that underpants were better than pull-up's, though he still wears pull-up's during the night. Just do not push him and he will do it in his own time. MY son is really good at going one minute and then the next he has that many accident's we feel as we are not getting anywhere, but we keep going with it and encouraging him.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
ive thought about putting my son on the big potty and have asked him if he would rather go there than in his little one... but he doesnt seem to want to go in either lol.. and he is more fond of sitting on his little one too..
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
My boy is almost three and he is struggling with the transition too. We did the whold day in undies thing and that helped he is more responsive to trying it, and every once in awhile he'll tell us he needs to go...usually too late. Good luck!
@hmbw_24 (407)
• United States
13 Feb 07
hi, i did not have time to read all the responces so i dont know if anyone else has suggested this yet. i have two boys, and this was my method. ok , mark a day on the calendar a few days from today and tell your son that it is a special day, his day! build up the excitement to that day just like it is a holiday, really get him excited about it! when that day comes get up and make a big deal out of going to the store and buying him really cool under wear with all cartoon characters and stuff on them any ones he wants......call it potty day or big boy day or something like that......go home and put on the underwear and throw out the diapers and pullups!!! and all day just make a big deal out of his new underwear and going to the potty. get everyone in the house involved. if you try this i hope it works for u. my sons loved their new big boy underwear and were potty trained before they were 2!
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Feb 07
oh i really like the idea of making such a big deal out of that day! im going to have to try that!! thankies much for that suggestion!
1 person likes this
@all4ucnc (861)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Have him pick out his own big boy underwear, have him wear those, set a timer and have him go in everytime the timer goes off. If he wets in the undies, he's not gonna like the way that feels and start using the potty more. He'll get. You really cant force him, have him pick out some cool stickers, and make him a sticker chart. Have him put the sticker on the chart when he does use the potty. Reward good behavior.
• United States
13 Feb 07
thanx much for the suggestion!
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Feb 07
Potty training is always a struggle. Some kids welcome it and others refuse. I think everyone here came up with some really great advice. I was looking for some ideas for my 2 yr old daughter. She's almost there. I still need to get her to do #2.
• United States
7 Feb 07
yeah ive heard that getting them to poop in the potty is harder then getting them to pee in it! i wish you the best of luck!
1 person likes this
@Sasselle (698)
• Australia
6 Feb 07
My son was like this!!! Turned out that all he wanted to do was pee like a big boy "standing up" 'cos he'd seen daddy do it. We also had the "reward" jar for going to the potty ... so if he did it he got a smartie or an M&M. I'm not big on rewarding kids with food but considering it's only something small he soon got the hang of it!
• United States
6 Feb 07
lol i reward my son with M&Ms too! i dont likegiving him sweets but i feel its a good cause if he goes in the potty for it lol
1 person likes this
@XxAngelxX (2831)
• Canada
6 Feb 07
Keep putting him on the potty, eventually he will learn to go. And I agree with the suggestion you give up the diapers and pull ups as they do not feel the wetness when they are wearing these. What I did with mine (because I have no carpet) was let them run around naked and I would take them to the bathroom literally every twenty minutes. I let them run around with no clothes on because that way I could see when they were going and hopefully get them to the bathroom on time. Sometimes I did and sometimes I didn't. It just takes some time and patience, eventually he will get it right :)
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
we have carpets everywhere except for in our hallway.. and gods i had a friend who didnt clean up after her kids when they would pee or poop places.. it stunk soooo bad! im really scared to let him have accidents on the couch or the carpet ect... i had bought him a little chair because i figured if he would sit on that alot then when he was potty training hed probably have his accidents there and not on my couch lol.. however he prefers the couch to his little chair.. i heard about putting regular undies on under the diapers or pull ups... so i think im going to try that (just need to buy him some more since 6 are not going to last too long lol)..
1 person likes this
@apky12 (775)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I am having the same exact problem. My son is 3 in April. He refuses to potty train. My 1 1/2 year old is half way there. He goes on the potty but also in his diaper. He gets treats and then my 2 year old wants treats. I say go potty then and he says no. It's a war of the wills and I'm not winning. I decided to back off because I figure he'll go in his own time. I don't know anyone who isn't potty trained. I've tried throwing him a little party when he went before, positive reinforcement, pull ups, just sticking him in big boy underwear (disaster). I'm going to talk to the doctor at his 3 year check-up if he's still showing little interest.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Feb 07
lol my son will be 3 in april as well.. maybe its an aries thing LOL i think what im going to do is put big boy undies on him and then a diaper over it.. that way he will still feel the discomfort without the mess on my couch and everywhere else.. and then hopefully hopefully that will be enough motivation for him to start going in the potty! i do hope ur little guy starts going in the potty as well!
• Australia
5 Feb 07
This is hard, maybe he dont like to pee on the potty because it is messy for him ahhaha instead diaper is easier for him. I understand that this is difficult and not really right for him, but maybe you could try to talk to him, explain to him that he is a big boy, needs to pee in the potty, not in the diaper like a baby anymore.. Maybe you could also try to give incentives, you know such as, if he behave good and pee in the toilet then you could give him some toys etc? I dont know if that is a right thing to do or not, but I admit it works wonder to me when I was kid ahhahaha I would do what my mom said because I want to get the toys :P He needs to really learn and able to pee in the toilet because sooner or later he will go to school right? And if he went to school wearing diaper, he will be teased, I dont think you want that to happen to your son. Another thing that you can do is that maybe tell him that he is not gonna wear anymore diaper, and then if he wants to pee, he can hold it until he cant hold it anymore. It will only happen once or twice, and then he will learn to use the toilet. Good luck :)
• United States
6 Feb 07
i talk to him alot about this... this afternoon we even had him saying "i love the potty" it was soo cute.. but after he said that i asked him if he wanted to go sit on the potty and he said "no like it" ever since hes been able to walk though ive been talking to him about going in the potty like a big boy (he doesnt like being called a big boy though.. he demands to be a baby) he also knows that he gets a few M&Ms for going in the potty and he loves them, however that isnt enough for him to go in the potty and he also knows thats the only time he is allowed to have them!
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
While I can understand that you are concerned about your son, speaking from experience (as a mother of 3 boys) you won't get far unless he is really ready. My oldest and middle both were 4 when they finally trained completely and NOTHING I or my mom did mattered much til then! My youngest is now 3 and about half trained (on his own mostly). If you stay home with him and are willing to give it a try, using cloth diapers may help. They are cheaper in the long run (as long as you have a washer and dryer) and better for him as well as letting him feel the wetness. Other then that I have read your answers/replies from others and see a few good ideas to help encourage him. Good luck ... and above all for your sake and his .. relax a little and don't worry too much about his age, boy train later then girls ... most of them just mature later!
• United States
6 Feb 07
well the thing is he knows when he has to go and all of that.. and he is very capable of going in the potty.. he just needs enough motivation, and im not really sure how to motivate him.. so i mean my point is that he is capable just doesnt want to do it.. and to me thats just not acceptable.. thats like him going to school and failing because he doesnt feel like taking the tests but he knows how to do all the work.. if he didnt understand the concept or didnt know when he has to go or had bladder problems or anything like that i wouldnt be so worried about this.. i think part of the problem is that he wants a male to help him go to the potty.. but i cant provide that for him.. its just me and my mom living here .. ill see if i cant get him motivated enough though
2 people like this
• United States
5 Feb 07
The very first commenter gave you great advice. You can also use normal boy underwear to potty train him. Since he is acting very ready except for him holding it, that might just do the trick. I tried and failed at potty training my daughter not that long ago, but when I used normal underwear and if she wet herself, she really did act uncomfortable with the feeling. I've started the process again with her, so from one mom trying to potty train to another, good luck!
• United States
5 Feb 07
the way my mom potty trained me was that she took me to the store and let me pick out some undies.. then we bought them and she told me that if i wanted to wear my new care bare undies id have to start going to the potty.. that was all the motivation i needed.. my son is very interested in wearing his spongebob undies that we got for him a while back when i first started to potty train him, but he doesnt want them bad enough to actually go in the potty lol best of luck to you!
2 people like this
• Pakistan
5 Feb 07
He is yet a child and he still needs a training. Just do one simple work. Go to your mother and ask her about your childhood. LOL! :)
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
we live in the same house as my mom, so she has been trying to help me with the potty training.. but she even isnt sure what to do at this point
1 person likes this
@phorie (21)
• Australia
5 Feb 07
My niece hated her potty, so her parents just got her straight onto the toilet. It was easier because she knew everyone else went to the toilet and she wanted to be a big girl. Good luck =)
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
ive tried that but he doesnt seem to like the big potty as much as his little one though
1 person likes this
@harwoodkp (285)
• United States
5 Feb 07
Not to discourage you, but our son is 4 now and almsot five and is still not potty trained. He is so stubborn, he knows when he goes but wont go to the potty. We keep working with him, so hopefully he will go there soon. Dont give up, and hopefully your son will start sooner than ours.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Feb 07
oh wow i feel for you! diapers are way way way too expensive! hopefully my son wont take quite that long! and i also hope that yours will finally potty train so u dont have to deal with all the diapers anymore!
1 person likes this
@rainbow (6763)
13 Feb 07
carry on as you are but leave the nappy off, if you can catch a wee in the pot he may realise, I know it can be hard on your flooring but he'll soon getthe idea with a lot of praise, good luck!
1 person likes this
@cabergren (1181)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I had this same problem with my son. It think it just takes longer with boys than it does with girls. I remember I bought him some underwear that looked just like his fathers and told him how grown up he was. You just have to be patient and it will work it itself out.
• Canada
6 Feb 07
Have you tried a rewards system? my daughter was eexcited to use a sticker sheet. she would put the stickers up herself. at the end of the chart was a picture of a present adn when she got to the end she got to go to the store and pick something out. this worked well for us.