I was very hurt by my church family
By Lush_heidi
@Lush_heidi (994)
United States
February 5, 2007 9:43pm CST
After some bad experiences with churches, we found one that was pastored by a distant cousin of my hubby,Raymond. Well it was a long drive,almost an hour away, one way to get there. But it was small and we felt we had a lot to offer. It was like a small country church, church of god faith.
WE dove into doing for the church,cutting grass,cleaning,making bulletins as no one had been doing them, we donated a stereo system and raymond worked the sound booth.I enjoyed the sermons and some of the people.
Here is where it changed- I was in 2 car accidents,28 days apart and none of them where my fault. the first caused a few thousand in damage and the second one totaled the car,and really messed my neck and back up,as well as speed up the onset of psoriatic arthritis.- we got no visits, no calls, etc. At this time, we missed the church but no longer had the money to travel 2 hours total round trip and I couldnt handle it either with my injuries. SO they even stopped sending emails, calender of events and we hear nothing. Everything was nice when we gave, contributed and did for others. I was so hurt and depressed. The preacher was a man I felt had preached the truth and arent pastors to care for the congregation? He only had about 15-19 total every sunday and my hubby did all that was asked,I feel like since I can no longer come over and clean the church,and donate money and eqpt that I am no longer needed.That when I needed someone, they turned their cheek- and it hurts cause right before my bad car accidents, the pastors wife had a tragic family death where her aunts grandson drowned, and her disabled parents couldnt come to the funeral so I went and stayed with them and the pastors daughter so they could go-then less than a month later, I am more or less totally forgotten, isnt this wrong? It literally broke my heart and I felt almost unworthy of gods love, if the church didnt even care or love. Its made me leery to go to another.And somewhere deep in side I miss the days I was there, but I dont think I can go back because too much has happened and it cant be changed. Was this wrong? I dont think I have over reacted? SHould I email this pastor and tell him of the hurt or just let it go.I do want to find another church, one that truly cares for everyone
I will rate all responses and say thanks in advance for reading and responding
11 people like this
27 responses
@manong05 (5027)
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
If I were you, I will be terribly hurt too. If they were informed of your accident and did not do anything not even sent a word of comfort, I see that as a dereliction of duty on the part of the pastor who is supposed to take care of the flock. Good sermons must be translated into practical actions, otherwise it will just be purely words.
Having said that, I will not let this affect my faith in God nor dismiss the church as unworthy of my attendance. You said you've enjoyed your fellowship with the members before the accident and you have obviously found a family with them. I know it's difficult, but if I were you, I will call the pastor and let him know of my sentiments and wish that the church can be more caring with one another.
Who knows this might be a way to help the group change and mature in their knowledge of God and to be active in being light of the world and salt of the earth.
I'm sure your presence again in that church will create a great impact in people's lives and once they acknowledge their mistake, the church life will never be the same again.
3 people like this
@lvhughes (545)
• United States
6 Feb 07
most churches would have tried to help not turned their back. i attend a small church and i teach a sunday school and prayer meet class. i love my church but when my last child was born we werein the hospital for 2 months with him.i never heard a word for any of them. while in the hospital but they had us on the prayer list . they keep us in their hearts and minds. then my husband got hurt and couldnt work 3 months before christmas. and money was really tight and that is when i learned just how much they thought of us. without me knowing it even though i was at church every sunday and wednesday they had collected $350 and gave it to us it buy christmas presents for my children. i now know that love hide is places some people would never look. i Thank God for my Church family ewveryday.
that church is just that. you are looking for family and i promise you its out there. keep looking God knows your love and He'll show his.
God bless . good luck. i hope you get to feeling better.
@blueskies (1186)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I think you were treated very badly by your church and I'm sorry you had to go through that. Churches are generally held to a high standard because they SET those standards by the very gospel that they preach. If I were you, I would try to put it behind you and find a new church near your home where you can feel loved, welcomed and appreciated. Good luck, I'm sure there is the perfect church somewhere near you, you just haven't found it yet ;)
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
6 Feb 07
You know, I have found many churches like this, they expect you to keep giving and giving. My parents were very active in their church, for geez, must be close to 30 years that they have been members.
They worked at Bingo, and lawn fetes and ushering and giving donations for everything.
Well, Dad turned 87 in December, he is going blind, he has many other problems. Mom is 81, she never drove. The church as actually called them to ask why they are not volunteering anymore, but when Mom asked if they could get someone to give them a ride to church, they told them they were not a social club.
You learned a valuable lesson.
A few years ago, I painted some items for a fund raiser at a friend's church, the had some kind of thing where people bought tickets and then put them in the box of the item they wanted.
I put up a sign, saying that I would donate 1/2 of my profit to the fun, for any items they bought.
The items I donated raised more money then anything else, no one bought a single thing and I did not even get a thank you. But the next year, when the fund raiser came around, they called me to donate again.
I don't think so.
3 people like this
@mnksmommy (301)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I am so sorry that all this happened to you. I love churches where the whole church is like a surrogate family and friends. I do not think you overreacted. A church is supposed to gather and help the sick not shun them. I would find another church. There are many that are not like that. I know you will find the right church. What the church did to you has absolutely nothing to do with God. He still loves you and always will. Just know that not all churches are this way but it may take time to find a good one. I wish you luck and love.
3 people like this
@yaneeps (122)
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
God is perfect, but the church isn't. i suggest that you talk to the pastor after your emotions have subsided. he probably has his reasons for not meeting your expectations. he sure has something to learn from the experience and another occurence of such may be avoided. only when you have heard his side of the story can you attend in peace to another church.
@TheChampG (8)
• Tajikistan
6 Feb 07
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@RebeccaLynn (2256)
• United States
6 Feb 07
If you can't travel to the church and speak with him face to face then, yes, you do need to sit down and compose a detailed email and tell him how hurt you are.
He will not know that something is wrong in the church until you confront him.
Pastors are human too. They are just men. Men make mistakes. They aren't always as thoughtful and caring as they should be.
If you don't have to lose your church home over this, then don't. Communication or the lack thereof is the problem here.
Pray about it with your husband and then tell your pastor in detail how you feel. It's very important to make it crystal clear to him so something like this will never happen again.
2 people like this
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I'm sorry you have had such a bad experience not just with this one but overall from the sounds of it...Unfortunately it really has become commonplace..My mother in law has experienced some less than savoury attitudes at her church which she's been going to for many many yrs and she gets discouraged with it...Its a shame really..Its nothing like it was 25 yrs ago ya know but then again nothing is...we've become very anti commmunity in society on all levels sadly..
Keeping in mind that I am NOT a Christian or a go-er of any sacred place be it a temple, church etc etc I would suggest that for now maybe you could do your practicing at home or with close personal friends maybe....I mean do you really NEED to go to a church to worship god? I'm talking on a personal level not a religious level, meaning, if you DONT go to church do you feel your love and your love for you faith will become less? Also my concern would be that because you have had such bad experiences, if you go to another church will you be able to put the past happenings aside and concentrate on why you are there or do you think that your logical fears/concerns could hinder your worship?..I'd seriously give those things some thought THEN decide what course of action you want to take....
Regardless of what you decide I hope you find the comfort level you need and are able to get past the hurt...All the best to you
2 people like this
@mom2chriskel (1060)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I am sorry that you were hurt. My church may not send a thank you notice but the pastor will thank you during the Sunday Bullentin or praise report. She will visit when someone is hurt. I honestly thought that was something most pastors did.
Keep looking for the church that works for you and your husband. You'll find one that is perfect for you and you'll back on this "hurt" as a blessing (if that makes sense)
2 people like this
@jtmblossom (470)
• Philippines
8 Feb 07
There are lots of congregation which are like that. They would show you great respect at first because they need you,but once you are paralize they will forget you because you are like worthless for them. Be careful in choosing your religion,'coz there are some religion or sect who would just use the name of GOD in behalf of their own intentions
1 person likes this
@Kangleicha (376)
• India
6 Feb 07
I am not a Christian so I do not know much about the Church. But I know some things about GOD. And that is He loves us all. And if you tell me he does not love unbelievers ( non Christians ) then I would say then your God is not a God then.
It does not matter whether go you to church or not, what matters is do we love him? It is not his love that matters, because he loves us all, what matters is do we love him back. It does not matter what you do for Him or not do for Him, but what matters is that you have Him in your heart in whatever you do.
@Lush_heidi (994)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I do love god and I am not an unbeliever so please do not take me as one! I help the church to help further his works here on earth,and I love god with all my heart, So in your eyes, is what this pastor did right
@Kangleicha (376)
• India
6 Feb 07
No the Pastor is not right. But we cannot condemn the Pastor for not doing his work. He is after all only a Pastor, and has his failings. What I was trying to say is even if the Pastor does not return you kindness, God will surely do so.
@danjenkins (646)
• United States
6 Feb 07
Your experience is one that too many people have had. If I could say this, I'd say that our focus SHOULD BE upon following Jesus, not people. If that journey takes us into fellowship with people who also claim to be followers of Jesus, we can survive the disappointment by keeping our eyes on the Lord rather than on people. This cannot be a platitude, it has to be an attitude.
There is a "revolution" going on in the world of faith .. more and more people are recognizing that the only Head of the Church is Jesus.
2 people like this
@keepinghome (270)
• United States
6 Feb 07
O sweet lady I am so sorry, so grieved to hear all that has befallen you. While you were thoughtful, they have not been, while you went out of you way, they don't even seem to notice you off the path... I am so sorry. Forgive them, write to the pastor, in love, and in truth, share your hurts, your grief, in a God honoring way. Even if the Lord never has you go back, these are brothers and sisters in Christ and Matthew 18 tells you and me to go to them when we've been sinned against. That you might WIN your brother back. Not only have they sinned against you, but really, it is Christ they have sinned against. To be silent will only hurt you and hurt them and their walk with Christ. It will also damage your walk, for silence would be disobedience.
The only thing about church's is that they are made up of sinners, just like you, just like me. Thank you for sharing this with myLot... It is a stark rebuke to me, to check up on those families I havn't heard from or seen in a bit. To work on my hospitality, regardless of distance, or inconvenience to me. This is what Christ wants of us, and I humbly confess, I have not been all that I ought to be in Christ to the body.
thanks
2 people like this
@mimatexas (1818)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I am so sorry about what happened to you in those car accidents and I would feel the same if our pastor wouldn't visit or call to know how you were doing. Our pastor is very caring and does visit the sick and prays for them. I think you should find another church that is closer but just because of the distance you have to drive. Jesus has taught us about his love for one another and you should forgive your pastor, he is human and should forget what he didn't do for you.
@bonnielass (484)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I think the church was being very thoughtless. Maybe a note to the paster explaining what happened and how u feel about it is due. He might be thinking u can do without people fussing over you. See what happens from there. If it doesnt change i would say good riddence to bad rubbish at least you found out how selfish these people really are. Remember though not to close your heart as not all people are like that..shop around im sure you can find a church to suit ur families needs..
1 person likes this
@albert2412 (1782)
• United States
6 Feb 07
If you lived around Houston I would invite you and your family to have church services with us. I and my family have church services at our home every sunday and read the Bible. We used to go out to church services, but people avoided us and mistreated us at church and our disabled son. Now my wife stays home most of the time with our disabled son and no one from any of the churches that we have gone to has called her or come over to see her. She is just forgotten by them. Where is their Christianity? Do they go to church services just to make themselves feel good?
1 person likes this
@jolope (987)
• Philippines
6 Feb 07
i feel bad for you..its really sad that the church you served and loved abandoned you..but you know what..God wont let you go unnoticed..
they might have their own reasons for not visiting, but dont let that stop you from praising God..there's no greater happiness than the joy that comes from the Lord..
i feel bad that they didn't act like a Christian would do but i believe that this is a way to keep you close to God..to keep you coming back for more of His love..
i will pray for you and this burden that you have..
i'll pray that you wont have any resentment against them..
1 person likes this
@ScrappinHappyMom (914)
• United States
7 Feb 07
What a terrible experience. Unfortunatly I would have to say this has been our experiences with Churches also as long as you have time and/or money you are part of the close loving group. As soon as one of those factors changes you are put on the list. Now we just pray at home and donate our time and energy to worth while charities.
1 person likes this
@Springlady (3986)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I'm so sorry about that. The church should be more understanding about your situation.
People can be unintentionally cruel. Maybe you should give them a call and tell them why you are unable to come to the church.
In the meantime, visit other churches. You will never find a perfect church because churches are made up of people and of course people are not perfect. Please don't let this lessen your faith in the Lord because only He is perfect. Pray that He will help you find a church that will receive you with the love of Christ.
God bless.
@ravyn1725 (52)
• United States
6 Feb 07
I only have a few moments, so I won't be too long, but I did want to add in my 2 cents...I understand what it is like to be hurt and to be disappointed by your church, your pastor, and your church family. I think that you ought to take the time to sit down and write a very carefully thought-out email to that pastore telling him of your feelings and the hurt that was caused. Perhaps you have found the reason why that church only has 15-19 members, but please remember that two wrongs don't make a right and don't accuse or judge. You might also express to the pastor the questions that the church's behavior have raised in you and your husband: questions regarding the responsibility that fellow Christians have to each other, that the church has to its members.
When I read your post it brought to mind not only "turn the other cheek," but also the parable of the Good Samaritan. This pastor and church did not care for you, their neighbor, in your time of need as they should have. Perhaps there were other circumstances in the equation, but I think that while you should express your hurt to the pastor--in hopes of sparing someone else that pain in the future--you should learn from the experience and move on to another church.
Best wishes and blessings!
1 person likes this
