Seriously at a loss!!

@TiareF (241)
United States
February 7, 2007 12:59am CST
Okay, this is how it is. When I left my ex he moved in with my *best friend* (haha).We weren't married and we had a son together. At the time I left my son was almost 2. My ex hadn't seen my son in almost a year. He refused to come 20 miles out to where I lived and see him when I lived in the same state and about 6 months after I left I moved out of state. Now my ex has left the woman he was with and is back to driving a truck over the road and wants to stop in and see the kids. At first I let him see them and he was coming thru town about once a week and spending some time with them and calling them on a regular basis, but now he has a new girlfriend and if he calls once a month and talks to the kids it's a miracle. The question is should I just change my number and cut him off from the kids? Would they be better off without him at all than with this sporadic calling and attention that he is paying them? The kids I mention are my son by our relationship and my daughter by a previous relationship who has been with him since she was 1.
3 people like this
4 responses
@stonehr (818)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
7 Feb 07
Well it' up to You.. but anyway if You change Your phone number he can find You i guess.. It's not ok from him to call once in a month... this can only bother your children.. There is not middle class,,, He can exist to them or not.. Just ask him to choose, if he want to see Your children an regular basis or not to see them anymore...
3 people like this
@TiareF (241)
• United States
8 Feb 07
Thanks friend. I was hoping someone would have a way of putting it to him so that I wouldn't seem like I was being the bad guy.
3 people like this
@stonehr (818)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
8 Feb 07
You welcome... I hope You'll find way-out from this situation...
2 people like this
@bicklelady (1411)
• United States
8 Feb 07
I know exactly how you feel. My oldest son is from my first husband. My first husband would never call or come around. I finally told him that if he did not show some responsibility with him, I was going to just tell my son the truth. He would not even pay child support. He would get arrested for non support and he would call me begging me to drop the charges. I would tell him the only way I would do that, was for him to call or see his son at least once a week. Well when he got out of jail, he would do the same thing. I finally told my son the truth and left it up to him if he wanted to see his dad when he made the ocassion to see him. My son told me that if his dad did not care enough to see him. He was better off without his dad. My son is now adopted by my second husband and he will tell you quick that my second husband is his real dad. I hope this helps. Some fathers and mothers dont relise what they put there kids through. Its sad.
2 people like this
@TiareF (241)
• United States
8 Feb 07
Well, I know my son is only 3, but even without prompting from anyone he has started calling his father a butthead. I think that pretty much sums it up. I know my ex has hurt my daughter by not calling also and she doesn't deserve that. When he comes around he tells her she's the only daughter that he'll ever have because he has 3 grown sons by his ex-wife also. Then he only calls when it suits him. I'm glad your son is happy with his decission and that he has a daddy that he deserves.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Feb 07
If your daughter is old enough to understand, You should tell her the next time he says that, She should tell him to act like a father then.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Feb 07
You shouldn't change your number and cut-off the ties. He could use that against you later on. Let him have the occasionally meeting or phone call with the kids. They will realize on their own what kind of person he is. Huggers to you.
@TiareF (241)
• United States
8 Feb 07
I just hate it when my son cries after he leaves. Then if I tell him he can't do something he says my daddy says I can. I know he's only 3 but it gets aggrevating when the man is never around to tell him anything anyway. Thank you for the huggers.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Feb 07
I had the same problem. I have an daughter from a previous relationship and now a son. My husband and i have been together since my daughter was three. He is fixing to adopt her and she loves him and calls him dad. Her biological father has no contact with her. When she was little I tried everything to get him to call her, write her or see her but he had no interest. I just let things run there course and eventually he dropped out completely. She hasn't heard from him in about 8 years. She is better off and has a wonderful. He doesn't pay child support and never has. I let him make the choice and he choose to not have any contact with her. Let you ex make the same choice. Just tell him its all or nothing. Either he makes an effort to be a part of their lives or he backs off. Most guys are like kids that never grew up. They treat their kids like playmates. When they are bored or when they happen to think about it they want to have contact but most of the time they don't even consider there kids. Not all guys are like this just some.
1 person likes this
@TiareF (241)
• United States
11 Feb 07
Thank you very much for the advice. Nicely put, by the way. Maybe if I just ignore him he will back out of their lives for good. I know they will be better off in the long run.