battered!

I agree with free. Abusing men are control freaks. He can't stand the thought of you moving on and living happily without him. In fact, as long as you are still dwelling on him, you are still under his power and he knows it. Don't give him that satisfaction! Move on and act as if you never even think of him. Nothing will make him crazier. If you need to feel that you are evening the score, that's what I would focus on. But I would also get counseling and work hard on getting past that need. It will only hurt you, not him. You'll know you're completely free of him when you aren't allowing him to control your feelings any more.

thank you freelife..though im afraid to remarry i still wish for someone who will accept me for what i am

So was I at first. I wasn't looking when I meet my second hubby and he totally different and very supportive and loving. Just takes time I still have nightmares and probably always will. But talking about my experience has helped to.

thanks for enlightening me but i cant help it. i'll try my best to do what you said...

I know it was very easy on my part to say those things, that is because it wasn't me who's experiencing it, right? .. But i really wish you happiness really. We all carrying emotional baggages you know. You are not alone.^_^