Time to Start a New Joke Discussion -- A Nip of Jet Fuel

A pilot has engine trouble and lands in a field. As he walks around the plane to check out the problem, he hears a voice behind him say, "You have a clogged fuel line." Looking around, he sees no one, except a cow. Startled out of his wits, he runs across the field to the farmer's house and pounds on the door. When the farmer appears at the door, the out-of-breath pilot stammers that his cow has just talked--and even tried to explain what was wrong with the airplane. The farmer drawled, "Was it a brown cow?" "Yes." "Did it have a white patch on its forehead?" "Yes, yes, that's the one." "OK, that's Flossie. Don't pay no attention to her. She doesn't know nothin' about aeroplanes."

The passengers on a commercial airliner were seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up and get the flight underway. The pilot and co-pilot finally appeared in the rear of the plane and began walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appeared to be blind and had their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. The pilot was using a white cane, bumping into passengers as he stumbled down the aisle and the co-pilot was using a guide dog. At first the passengers didn't react, thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines started spooling up and the airplane started moving down the runway. The passengers looked at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves, and looking desperately to the flight attendants for reassurance. As the airplane started accelerating rapidly, people began to panic and some passengers were praying. As the plane got closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices became more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane had almost no runway remaining, everyone screamed at once and, at that very moment, the airplane lifted off and became airborne. Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathed a sigh of relief and turned to the captain, "You know, one of these days, the passengers aren't going to scream and we're gonna get killed!" Hope you liked them!!!! :)

Three New Zealanders liked to go deer hunting every year. So last year they hired a Cessna 172 and a pilot to fly them to a remote forest. They had a successful day's hunting, and met back at the plane, each carrying a buck. They loaded up the plane, and as the pilot started up the engine, he said to the men, "I don't think she'll be able to get off the ground with this load." Two of the men looked disappointed, but the third quickly responded, "Don't worry about it, we got the same amount last year, and we got off the ground without any problem." So the pilot said OK, and the plane started down the runway, and sure enough got off the ground. But then the plane's stall warning started to make its noise and the little plane stopped climbing and crashed in the woods. Luckily, the three men and the pilot sustained only some bruises. One of the hunters asked, "Any idea where we are?" His Kiwi mate said, "I don't know, but I think we're about a mile or two from where we crashed last year."