Kids and divorce

United States
October 12, 2006 2:08am CST
I am going through a messy divorce and have been for a year. My daughter is 2. Her father lives with his parents and probably always will. He get a small disibilty check for having a mental problem and they have placed her temporarily with him. He was also into drugs when we were together, but he toned down to just pot when we were really together. I smoked it too, but stopped when I had a grow up and be a mother. He didnt want to grow up. He used to leave with his friends for days and not let me know where he was. I am about to go to college for cosmotology. I do live with my parents right now, but did have my own place, but itll be easier for me to live here while im going to school. I have never been an addict or done anything hard. I am a good person with no mental problems. Why is she with him? Does that make sense to anyone. And yes im telling the whole story. It just doesnt add up to anyone. I need reasurrance that she'll come home with me when we go to court finally, because they put her with him the first time its hard for me to believe that they'll take her away from him and shes been there a year. is it possible for me to hang in there any longer? has anyone ever been done so horribly wrong before? can anyone give me hope and let me know that the judge wasnt paid off or anything that he'll put her with me, where she needs to be.
6 responses
@ossie16d (11826)
• Australia
25 Oct 06
It will be hard for you and maybe when you attend mediation you will learn the reason she was given to your ex rather than being left with you. Keep your chin up, spend as much time as you possibly can with your daughter and always assure you that you love her very much. Good luck and you will be in our prayers. :)
• United States
26 Oct 06
well, we never went before the judge really, at first so i suppose that is the real reason why she was put with him. he agreed to a custody agrangement and then took it back and my lawyer told me i needed to go along with it because we were not prepared for going before the judge. he fooled me big with making me think he was going to make it easy and quick. its ok. everything will be alright. i just gotta keep believing that...
@ossie16d (11826)
• Australia
26 Oct 06
Have faith and it will work out well, even if it takes a little longer than you would hope it does. :)
• United States
1 Nov 06
Thanks, we have court in January now since he didnt agree to an agreement in mediation.
@moneymind (10520)
• Philippines
22 Oct 06
i just hope that you have exhausted all posiblities in fixing your relationship before coming with divorce idea and that you have thought about it really hard. good luck on child costody. greetings. : )
• United States
23 Oct 06
yes, i knew it was over before i got pregnant, but i gave it more than one chance. he tried to break it off with me in the delievery room, but i wanted to try it still. i was an idiot. i was broken down and then i finally realized im better than that. if i had stayed within that household im not sure that my mental stablility wouldve help to what it is now. i was depressed all the time because of how he treated me and im worried about my daughter. thats why im battling it out for her.
@moneymind (10520)
• Philippines
25 Oct 06
i wish i could be more of help but i can only be of listener sort of....... again a very good luck on your childs costody. greetings. : )
• United States
26 Oct 06
thanks though...
• United States
31 Oct 06
Did the court grant him temporary custody? I have never been through that before, but from hearing things around here and there, I have heard that many times the primary caretaker is granted custody. Primary meaning for instance, if you are working and he watches the baby/child all day long they would still give him custody of the child because the court feels that the baby/child would have a stronger bond. Ofcourse I don't feel this is right really, but just an example of why maybe that happened to you. You must be so stressed out of your wits right now. You sound like you are on the right path with your schooling.
• United States
1 Nov 06
it was temporary because i was living with him at the time and trying to get my pwn place. and we thought that it would change when i did and it hasnt yet. i dont know. we're going to court soon though.
• India
26 Oct 06
i think there is no need to proceed with this man so leave him immediately
• United States
28 Oct 06
we havent been together in a year and a half or so
@prasad1961 (5602)
• India
26 Oct 06
I'm sorry after reading all your story, I found you're in a cage without entry and helpless. But Don't worry, God is there he will take care of everything and brings back your child to your control. Why the parents of him kept quiet all these days. Is they too diagnised as mentally sufferers like their son. If it is true, you have taken very good decision of divorce. Make a appeal to the court, "The entire family lacks mental stability and they won't look after my child as mother I can do. And I'm strong enough to look after my kid with good education and I can do justice in case, If my daughter having rumatic features of mental stability by taking her to suitable psychiatric Doctor. So free my child to have her adolescent period without tentions in my shelter." Further God is there, to look after you from the problems. Hope all the good you have done so far makes good to you in final.
• United States
28 Oct 06
thank you very much
@BuffMom (2215)
• United States
23 Oct 06
Im sorry to hear about that. You have to believe that everything will be ok. from what it sounds like there is no way she will be staying with him for long. there is no way someone could let that happen. *hugs*
• United States
24 Oct 06
thank you very much. i have the mediation tomorrow so we'll see how it goes. thank you again. *hug back*