Mathematicians, Reloaded..........

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A mathematician went insane and believed that he was the differentiation operator. His friends had him placed in a mental hospital until he got better. All day he would go around frightening the other patients by staring at them and saying "I differentiate you!" One day he met a new patient; and true to form he stared at him and said "I differentiate you!", but for once, his victim's expression didn't change. Surprised, the mathematician marshalled his energies, stared fiercely at the new patient and said loudly "I differentiate you!", but still the other man had no reaction. Finally, in frustration, the mathematician screamed out "I DIFFERENTIATE YOU!" The new patient calmly looked up and said, "You can differentiate me all you like: I'm e to the x." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The functions are sitting in a bar, chatting (how fast they go to zero at infinity etc.). Suddenly, one cries "Beware! Derivation is coming!" All immediately hide themselves under the tables, only the exponential sits calmly on the chair. The derivation comes in, sees a function and says "Hey, you don't fear me?" "No, I'am e to x", says the exponential self-confidently. "Well" replies the derivation "but who says I differentiate along x?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What is the shortest mathematicians joke? Let epsilon be smaller than zero. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why mathematicians are afraid drive a car? Because the width of the road is negligible comparing to its length. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An astronomer, a physicist and a mathematician (it is said) were holidaying in Scotland. Glancing from a train window, they observed a black sheep in the middle of a field. "How interesting," observed the astronomer, "all scottish sheep are black!" To which the physicist responded, "No, no! Some Scottish sheep are black!" The mathematician gazed heavenward in supplication, and then intoned, "In Scotland there exists at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which is black."