How do I stop this?

United States
February 11, 2007 10:35pm CST
My boyfriend and I broke up..it's a long story. You can read my discussion that I started before this. But the hardest part is remembering all of the things that we've done...cuddling and stuff...and all the memories. How do I get myself to stop thinking of those things? Because it's killing me inside, and I feel like I'm going to throw up any second. This pain is so strong.
2 people like this
38 responses
@howard96h (11642)
• New York, New York
12 Feb 07
Sorry to hear your going through this. I wish no one would have to. This is part of life, we will meet people, fall in love, unfortunately get hurt. Then we say we are never going to let it happen again and regardless how old you are, it will happen again. You hang in there. Try to keep busy with some friends. Truly, the only cure is time. Time heals all wounds.
2 people like this
• United States
12 Feb 07
This is true..and friends are a great thing to have. They are helping me through it, even right now as we speak. I don't know what I would do without them.
@gm240359 (43)
• India
12 Feb 07
First of all, time is the best healer. For the time being, you may get engrossed in pen-friending, reading light classics, Harry Potter(etc.), go for a adventurous holiday(maximum activity/less leisure time, so that memories don't haunt you), socialising a lot and so on. However, you have a pinch of guilt feeling mixed in you painful memories, you may try to be busy in some charitable or community development or philanthropic activities. Once the memories fade, may be after 6/12 months or so, start a new cosy life.
@Anakata2007 (1787)
• Canada
12 Feb 07
you need to remember WHY you broke up. Write out a list of all his worst qualities and why you broke up and look at it often. If that doesnt' work take things a step up...put an elastic band around your wrist and snap it HARD everytime you think something positive about him.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 07
My friend is going through a breakup and is doing the rubber-band thing. That sounds kind of self-mutilating, though. I don't want to do that...but if it gets worse I will definitely try. I think your advice about writing the list is really good. Thanks sooo much for your help.
@nicolec (2673)
• United States
12 Feb 07
I know it's so hard. I have been there. But it's time that will help you. That's the long run. In the mean time lose yourself in something you enjoy. The last time I broke up with my boyfriend I watched movies non stop because it took my mind off things. Any movie except for those relationship chick flicks. That's all I could do. But it worked for me. In time, those memories won't seem as important. But they will always be a part of you and that's ok too.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Feb 07
Thankyou very much for your very helpful response.
1 person likes this
@Desdemona (1305)
• Canada
13 Feb 07
Welcome to the feeling of L-O-V-E... Yup, someone has a broken heart! Sorry girl, but be strong and eventually you will learn to live without him. The good (scratch that)...GREAT thing about this is the memories!! Yes that is right - Memories! You will always for the rest of your life, remember this guy. One day you will laugh or just even smile at the thought of him. Patience is the key and of course chocolate!!!! Best of luck hun!
1 person likes this
• China
13 Feb 07
well,if you still love him,go back to he. if you don't,find a new will stop you pain
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Feb 07
of course, if you truly loved him or still do, it is not easy to stop it. and you know very well that if you love and take care of yourself, you won't always allow such memories to keep bugging you for the rest of your life since you broke up with him. since that's what happened, even if it is natural for you to feel hurt, it is time for you to do something, that thing is moving on without him. of course, you cannot help sometimes but you just have to live your life, your own life. it is best to be yourself by doing the things you love most, being with other people that you also care for. i suggest you pour your emotions and dreams to them and see how these benefit and make them happy. seeing and knowing that others are happy because of you and your deeds is a great source of inert happiness and satisfaction. even simple, small things like adopting a helpless kitten or cultivating lovely, colorful orchids in your yard. seeing how they get nurtured by you everyday is such a great help in making you move on. without knowing it, it helps that spring back that confidence and self-worth in you, making you realize you are very well fine without that past lovelife.
1 person likes this
@micheller (1365)
• United States
12 Feb 07
It's going to be VERY hard to cope with. You still love him and probably will for a long time if not forever. The best thing you can do to get it off your mind is do things that will distract you from it. Go out with friends, clean the house, do things around the house, etc.
1 person likes this
@healer (1782)
• India
12 Feb 07
so sorry to hear that i have experienced those pains in my life lolzz maybe i was too weak so it took me nearly three years to move forward in life. Time will take its toll...be strong and try to be with your best friends or somebody that appraciates you all the time. Try to be at places where you will be happy..TAke care
@signum (547)
• Australia
12 Feb 07
You can't. It will take time for the pain to heal. You can't expect it to stop hurting overnight, although I know you pray for it too. Darling, it's not the end of the world, you'll find the right man in time, but right now you gotta focus on YOU. Go shopping with friends, or out to lunch etc. I know how you feel. You'll never forget these things like cuddles. When I broke up with my ex, the best way for me to stop thinking about all the good stuff we used to do together, was to think about the bad stuff. I got angry, remembered why we broke up, and realise i am better off without him. 2 years later i met a REAL man who was sent from heaven i swear. You may not believe it, but everything happens for a reason.
1 person likes this
@lucky_witch (2710)
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
WEll the hardest part in any relationship is accepting the fact that the one you loved and shared lots of memories with has to grow alone without you. Its hard to start a day not thinking of what could you both possibly be doing if youre still together. and then reality strikes and you'll find yourself alone with few tears falling in your eyes. I guess you better stop thinking of those memories... it wont help you. SWEET MEMORIES ONLY MAGNIFY YOUR PRESENT PAIN Find new friends that will help you to recover... Just continue living... Someday, someone better will come along. All you need is a little more courage. Keep yourself busy. And remember things happen for a reason, whether good or bad. Learn from it...
@baby88 (696)
• Singapore
12 Feb 07
in the meantime i think u should try to make urself busy. it really work cos when u r busy on something u won't be thinking so much. try to go out more often with some or ur good friends n hv fun. i know its hard to forget someone that u really love but u must always remember this is not the everything in ur life. take care of urself n do wat you should now other than thinking the past. good luck!!
1 person likes this
@raijin (10371)
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
I think it's better for you to move, the pain will always be there but I'm sure you'll forget about it as time goes by. This pain will only be the reason for you to get a hold of your present life, dealing with it is the best way to move on. Try to engage yourself in more important things to do, go out more with your friends and enjoy their company. We all know that it really is gonna be hard, but you have to face the reality. Try to put in mind that there's still someone out there that is more deserving for your love and to love you.
• United States
14 Feb 07
I know it's really hard.. .I'm still going through it myself even after several months. Unfortunately I have to say there is no real way to stop it. It will hurt for however long it will hurt and you'll cry a lot, but sooner or later the pain will subside... It's been months since my last break up and I still think about him... I still miss him and think of everything we used to do and had plans to do in the future before we broke up. I still cry over him and it kills me inside that he's already seeing someone else and is happy and wants nothing more of me in that way other than friendship. The only thing I could come close to suggesting is to keep yourself busy... bury yourself in work, pick up a hobby, draw, put together a huge puzzle, immerse yourself in friends... anything as long as it doesn't involve him or talks about him. You'll find that the more you do the less you'll think about him and everything you used to do. I can't promise it'll work entirely but it will help. It'll be hard but just try and be strong... cry when you need to don't ever hold it in, keep yourself busy and go out and have fun when you can. Cry to your friends or to your mom or dad... I cried to my mom many times after my relationship ended and I found it much more comforting than I could have imagined. There are people that will be there for you to help you get through this.
• United States
14 Feb 07
Thankyou very much. I have cried to my mom a few times too, and since we have a very close relationship, I find it very helpful to go to her. I am giving you best response because I feel that yours is the one that helps the most, although all other answers are great. Thankyou so much.
• United States
14 Feb 07
Aw well thank you. I know what you mean though... this was the first time i really went and cried to my mom over this and she and I have been closer since and I find it much easier for me to go to her about things now. You're most welcome for any help I may have given you... and don't worry over time things will get better and perhaps a small piece may always have feelings for him but one day you'll be well enough to move on from him. I wish the VERY best of luck with this sweety.
@clod0327 (817)
• Philippines
13 Feb 07
I've been through the same situtaion as yours so I know it's really hard. Give your self a time to feel sad but after this, you should learn to let go. You should keep yourself pre occupied with a lot of stuff to keep you busy and to keep you from thinking of your ex boyfriend. Go out with friends, watch movies, etc, anything to keep you busy. Also, stay away from listening to sad love songs from the radio. These are just some tips. Hope I was able to help.
• United States
13 Feb 07
Thankyou for helping. I agree...sad songs are the worst!!
@mcaf1970 (140)
• Philippines
12 Feb 07
keep yourself busy. at night, don't ever think of your happy moments with him. weigh the happy & bad moments. it's easier to forget if you think of the sad moments with him. by day, make sure you have a lot of things to do til you get tired. so by bedtime, you don't have time to think of your ex since you feel too much exhausted & wants to get some rest. remember, he's not the only fish in the ocean. he's not meant for you. God has a plan for you. CHEEER UP girl. it's not the end of the world. move on. just think it's his loss & your gain. good luck!
• United States
12 Feb 07
Night is the hardest time...thankyou for the advice.
@gullu1562 (216)
• India
12 Feb 07
It is very difficult to forget those happy days spent together but we have to live a life which is a mixed bag of all good and bad things happy and sad stories but remember one thing and that is if we stop looking to the possitive things of life our life ends and the universe get tougher for us. so be possitive and look towards all good things and forget your story as if you had a very bad dream and start afresh. Do some sort of meditation which will help you a lot.
• Turkey
12 Feb 07
hi.my name is ahmet. i am form turkey..
@nana1944 (1367)
• United States
14 Feb 07
How long ago did you break up with him? If it was just a short time ago, you may be rushing the getting over thing. In time you will be able to think about and not hurt much. The best way that I found was to look back for some humorous things. Or to take walks or treat yourself to dinner and a movie. Not just a soopy movie if you know what I mean. A goodcomedy. That is if you budget allows such things.
@chaptermm (732)
• United States
14 Feb 07
hehe i think it very hard to do ,i know your boyfriend at your first discussion but i know nothing about him and i think this is very hard for me to say something
• United States
13 Feb 07
Get out and try to get your mind off of it. If you sit there and are bored and have nothing to do you will end up thinking about it. Try to get your mind off it and have fun doing things you love. The only thing that will heal the pain is time