Husband Pissed Cuz I "ASKED PERMISSION" from his ex to cut his kid's hair
By MrsAdvice
@MrsAdvice (623)
United States
February 12, 2007 10:20am CST
Hello, it's me again with yet another sticky situation. We get along so great except for his kid and our inability to agree on anything concerning his kid and also as far as he loves to waste money foolishly while we don't have what we need to live. Other than that, we are two peas in a pod. Anyhow, my mom was asked to cut my stepson's hair which was really super bad and needing it very much. She asked if it was okay with his mom (who has him most of the time)so I called her about some other stuff and just casually said, "By the way, do you have a problem with us cutting his hair?" and she said, "No, not at all, I was going to do it anyway." Well, my husband was major pissed off. He likes to just do it to prove he can do whatever the hell he wants to and doesn't have to ask her. It's an egomaniac kind of thing. Anyhow, I thought he got over it, as the rest of the weekend went fine, and we dropped his son off at home and came home and my husband was fine on the way home but as soon as we got in the door he started acting like the back end of a mule, saying how he didn't want to marry his mother. I asked him what he was talking about, what had I done? He told me it was about asking his ex to cut his son's hair. I told him I felt my mother was not comfortable with it so I asked so she would feel more comfortable with it and also because it was a common courtesy to keep the communication between his ex and I on good terms for his son's sake since he was not man enough to communicate with her about things. His mom has been dead a long time now. I don't think she ever had a chance to interfere, his son was just born when she died. I am not sure why he said he didn't want to marry his mom. I don't consider what I did being his mom in any way. I consider it being a great mom to his son, by not causing problems between his parents. What do you think? Was I out of bounds?
6 people like this
8 responses
@cowgirl2701 (2079)
• United States
12 Feb 07
No you were not wrong for asking the childs mother. They do need to communicate for the boys sake. This can be hard becuase a lot of parents use theirs kids to get back at their ex. My husbands ex did that.
4 people like this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Absolutely not!! You did the right thing. If your mom was uncomfortable especially. He should not have a problem trying to keep communication open between the two of you. He really should have been the one to ask, but if he won't, I think you did the best you could.
3 people like this
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
12 Feb 07
Man, I'd be tempted to just wash my hands of any responsibility of his son.. But that's me, always wanting to take the easy way out :)) I'd still love him and visit good with him, but everything else would be hands off just cause I couldn't take all the broohah, so he could make all the decisions and suffer any consequences, and I could ignore it all..
3 people like this
@Jshean20 (14349)
• Canada
12 Feb 07
No you were not out of bounds in any way! In fact, I think that it's a very responsible thing for a parent to do (trying to get along with the exes) for the own good of the child...usually everyone wins that way. I think you're right when you say it's an egomanic type of thing, it's really too bad. Don't feel bad for what you did, it seems that your husband probably likes to think he can do whatever he wants with his child without consulting the mother..but I think that's wrong.
3 people like this
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
14 Feb 07
No, you were not out of bounds at all.
It sounds to me like he's been an a*s for months, and now he's fishing for excuses to pick fights.
I sure hope things get better for you.
2 people like this
@wesderby (178)
• United States
12 Feb 07
This is a tough situation. I think you did the right thing, but I can also understand your husband's feelings. As a father, I can't honestly say that I'd react any differently if my wife and I were to divorce. Just out of curiosity, if she'd wanted to cut his hair or whatever, would she have called you or your husband to run it by you, or would she have just done it? If the latter is true, that she would've just gotten his hair cut, or made whatever other decision, without consulting him, then I almost think he has a right to be a bit upset. (I'm not saying it's the mature attitude, just saying I can understand it). He may be thinking along the lines of "She doesn't run things by me...He's my son, too. Why should I have to get her permission for the things I or my family want to do with him?" So, while I think you did the right thing, I can see both sides of the issue.
2 people like this
@MrsAdvice (623)
• United States
12 Feb 07
Yeah but he lives with her, we only have him every other weekend. I think that makes her the primary parent, in my opinion. Also, when he is here, my husband is usually holed up in the bedroom reading or playing xbox or sleeping anyway, so I think I am even more of a parent to him than he is.
2 people like this
@Transplanted95 (6)
• United States
2 Aug 08
No you were not wrong. You husband should be thankful that you can communicate with his ex, and for trying to stay on good terms with her. I understand his feelings, but IMO he needs to learn how to pick his battles. Steparenting is hard enough without him getting upset with you over a moehill.
@harleygal98 (82)
• United States
21 Oct 08
I think you're getting the child's hair cut was fine. You ran it by his mom, he was needing it cut, the dad wasn't taking care of that need, and your husband needs to suck it up and deal with it. He should be proud you are willing to take care of your stepson that way. JMO!!!
