What scares you the most about becoming a parent?

@cassidy22 (2975)
United States
February 12, 2007 7:43pm CST
And did your fears KEEP you from wanting to start a family? I'm scared of going through labor, so my husband and I might adopt if I don't think I can actually go through being pregnant and giving birth. HOwever, the real show stopper is my OWN mother. I hated my childhood and am scared of treating my kids like my mother treated me,and it makes me NOT want to have kids. What fears did you have before becoing a parent, and if you got over it, what got you over it?
9 people like this
53 responses
• Oman
13 Feb 07
im scared of the whole thing. first of all havingmy body grow to such abnormal proportions that i have to struggle just to walk around, and i know for a fact that my boyfriend doesnt find anything cute about pregnant women. im not sure he'll change that attitude when im pregnant. secondly labour, my friend went through 13 hours of labour. i dont think i could go through that. third my body, as it is i find it hard to stay thin, once i have a baby it will be even more difficult not to mention the stretch marks because of delivery. fourth, im not sure what kind of mother ill make, im not that fond of kids, im not sure that attitude will change once i have children. sorry but you brought up this subject which has been on my mind for more than a year now. i just had to talk about it or write about it to be exact. im not over it yet but i would like to read about someone who got over it. maybe that will help me because my boyfriend really wants to have children, and id like to have atleast one for him but right now im just too scared
3 people like this
@Willowlady (10666)
• United States
13 Feb 07
No, there was no fears about having a family, going through preganacy was great for me. Labor was nothing. Now have 3 wonderful kids. You have a chance to break the chain and give the kids what you wished you had. You will feel better too. Certain things you just decide to do and that is it. I would suggest one kid and then if it is too hard or something then you can spend even more money on adopting. Go for it, it is maddening and rewarding, it is hard and the best thing ever to do. It is the circle of life and I feel you should participate!! Good luck my friend.
3 people like this
@Netsbridge (3242)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Has it occurred to you yet that you can break the cycle from your mother's parenting? If your childhood was that bad, may be it is your turn to help start something different from what you had. You do not have to be like your mother. You can easily break the cycle by being different from what you had. And about childbearing, there are lots of things that can be done today to prevent a woman from going through labor pains. Just ask your doctor. My only fear about parenting is people having children out-of-wedlock!
@cassidy22 (2975)
• United States
13 Feb 07
breaking the cycle might not be as easy as that. You learn so much by how you are raised and might not always be CONSCIOUSLY aware of the habits you picked up from your parents. But yes, my husband and I have both talked about how having kids will give us the chance to do things differently.
@34momma (13893)
• United States
13 Feb 07
cassidy please don't let your fears rob you of the most wonderful gift you will ever have. being pregnant and giving birth has it ups and downs. for me, i was only 17 when i had my first child, and talk about fear! i was scared out of my mind. and once i set my mind to it every moment of being pregnant was like changing. i too didn't have a great childhood, but that can't keep you from being a mother. it makes you a better mother. because you know already what you won't do and now you can focus on the good things you want to do. children are alot of work yes they are, but they are also the most amazing peopel you will ever have the pleasure of meeting.
@Sawsen (795)
• United States
13 Feb 07
I think every parent fears that they might not be able to take care of their child properly. But in terms of labor, I really don't think it was that bad. I mean yeah you feel pain, but afterwards, it's all gone and forgotten. And I understand what you mean about your mother, but if you're aware of her treatment, then I doubt you're going to copy it. I think it would be good to set a new example through your children, and start a new memory. Why let her still control your life?
@weemam (13377)
13 Feb 07
every one thinks this way , you are no different I promise you , There is no use saying childbirth isn't painful because it is , But I promise you it is a pain soon forgot when you hold that wee bundle in your arms , If it were that bad I would never have had mt 3 boys , They are now 44, 41 and 26 years old ans we now have 4 beautiful grandchildren , think of operations and even toothache , you don't have a lovely baby to show for any of that pain , go for it girl you won't regret it I promise xx
2 people like this
• United States
13 Feb 07
I've always been afraid of something happening to my kids. I have 3 kids now so I didn't have that fear until I became a parent. I've gone through three pregancies and three labors. Yes, labor is painful... each one seemed to be a little worse for me... but I healed and now I have three beautiful boys... and I'd do it again too... I'm hoping someday for a girl but if it's a boy, then I'll still be happy and love him. Of course, that's several years from now.
2 people like this
@shogunly (1406)
• Libya
13 Feb 07
Well ,labour is not an issue for me , I might be frightened if it was ! I fear having children because what constitutes ME now ,with all the humility and triviality and complications and idiosyncrasies that go with that pronoun ,will become "the universe" for another human being ,at least for the first few years of their lives . That is too much for anyone to bear ,if all the consequences were considered . What is right and what is wrong can no more be only based on a mixture of knowledge and habit and culture and convenience , it must be made into a logicaly and ethically sound bundle ready tobe transmitted into the next generation . UGH .
@lpipe0240 (1161)
• United States
13 Feb 07
I'm ready to be a parent and can't (Fertility issues) We looked into the adoption idea but bold signs from God telling us otherwise. Just the stuggles of adoption are like the struggles of marriage. Unifing people with different background into one home. It is hard. Anyhow we are now looking into IVF, just hoping it will take. I'm 31 and not getting any younger. So even if we have 1 child, that would be great to me and my wife.
1 person likes this
@cassidy22 (2975)
• United States
13 Feb 07
best of luck to you. I have a friend who went througn several different types of fertility assistance, and after 8 long years, they finally had a little girl. The world works in mysterious ways. I am 33, and not getting any younger either - never having tried, I don't know if I have fertility issues or not, so it could be a long road ahead of us, or we adopt, or we just be happy together and have no kids...
@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
13 Feb 07
Actually i am terrified of giving birth. i am aware of the fact that millions of woman do it every week but every time i even think about it it feels as if I am going to faint... I am sure this will be a big issue for me when I decide to be a parent or not!
1 person likes this
@cassidy22 (2975)
• United States
13 Feb 07
i actually have a heart condition that may make it dangerous for me TO have kids. yes, millions of women do it, and most nowawdays survive. But complications can still cause trouble, and my heart condition could hurt me or the baby.
@kgwat70 (13395)
• United States
13 Feb 07
This is a very good question. I am scared about whether or not I will or would be a good father. I have not had too much experience with children so it makes me wonder if I would be a good father and raise my child well. I worry about whether or not I would be able to make them happy. I still have these fears.
@simesc (248)
13 Feb 07
Hi Cassidy there are two ways at looking at the past - you follow it or you learn from it. My own father was an awful role model and I always said that I would never follow him. I was worried about becoming a parent so much. It changes your life so much and also with no real great parental models, there was always the chance that I would make a mess of it. Before we decide to try for a baby my wife and I discussed it so much, she also had problems with her father and we both agreed that we would learn from the past and not follow it - we knew how it made us feel, so we would not make our children feel like that. There are many stages during labour, only some of it is pain. There are also stages when everything seems so lovely and wonderful. When my wife had our baby, she was in pain for a number of hours at the end. But the second that she held our son, all of the pain was forgotten. Having your own baby means that you have such a strong bond. Nothing is stronger than this bond. I love my son so much. I would do anything for him. Our son was born 6 months ago, the first few weeks after birth are the hardest, sleepless nights, lots of crying but then you develop a routine and it all becomes so much easier. Good luck for which ever choice you make
@emarie (5451)
• United States
13 Feb 07
the one thing that scared me was just being responsible for another life and wondering if i was going to screw it up. i'm sure most parents have this fear, but i didn't let it stop me. i was also scared of the labor part when i got pregnant. but it wasn't that bad. i was in good hands and i trusted the doctor to get me and the baby out safe. now that i'm a parent, i have even mroe fears...lol i worry about them constantly, if they love me, if they're getting taken care of right, if i'm doing anything wrong, and of course i'm worried about other hurting them or they just getting hurt period.
1 person likes this
@sharone74 (4839)
• United States
13 Feb 07
My fears were of course labor and delivery. Which I must tbe honest. The pain is like no other pain in the world, but the exhultation of having your baby in your arms and the knowledge that you did it are priceless. Being pregnant can also be uncomfortable, but it is also a time that you look back on with nostalgia. It cannot be duplicated or replaced. and I feel that if you let this chance pass without having one of your own that you will always wonder and may possibly regret not having a baby.
@elisa812 (3033)
• United States
13 Feb 07
One of my biggest fears of becoming a parent in a few years is that my fiance is in the military, and I'm so scared about his deployments and him missing out on so much. I too am scared of going through labor since my mom had a really difficult labor with me, but I think it would be SO worth it in the end, and my parents are always telling me what an amazing experience childbirth was for them, so I really want to experience it too! :)
1 person likes this
@Elaeblue (145)
• United States
13 Feb 07
Dont be so scared of labor that you do that. You can arrange with your doctor to have an epidural as soon as you get to the hospital and you wont feel it. If you dont want to treat your kids the way your mom treated you then dont. Give them lots of love and attention and you will be fine.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Feb 07
oh..i think every thing becoming in parent scared me.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Feb 07
Giving birth was the most painful experience of my life. I have never felt such pain before. Luckily I did not have a tough pregnancy but it was still very uncomfortable for the last few months. However it was all worth it because I have a beautiful baby boy. To look at him, hold him and hug him brings me such joy. Joy doesn't even describe the intensity of my happiness. This happiness cannot be explained in words. Sometimes when I hold him it feels surreal. It feels like he is just a doll that I am playing with. I recommend having kids!!!! It's the best feeling in this world. For me my son gave me a reason to live for and work hard for. He has made my life complete as a woman and a mother. With patience and love all problems can be resolved.
1 person likes this
@XxAngelxX (2831)
• Canada
13 Feb 07
My biggest fear about having children (and still my biggest fear now that I have three ) is how I can keep them safe. I am always worried something will happen to them and I won't know what to do. I think I probably tend to be a little (or a lot) over protective, but I'm so worried about them getting seriously injured. I don't think you have to worry about being like your mother. If you work hard at it, you can be a great parent. The thing to remember is that your children are little people too and they have rights as well as we do. We just do our best to keep them safe and teach them to grow up to be kind, loving, and compassionate individuals.
1 person likes this
@akotalagato (1335)
• Philippines
13 Feb 07
My greatest fear of becoming a parent is not being able to guide and nurture my child the right way. What if he grows up to be a convict or something equally bad because of the way i took care of him. My fear didn't stop me from having my own family. I always wanted to have my own family so i just went on and got married and soon gave birth to a son. I still have that lingering fear at the back of my head but I keep on saying to myself that I can't control what my child will turn out to be. I can only love him and teach him to go on the right path as best as I can. I can teach him whats right from wrong and I can give him the sense of security and love at home and pray in my heart that my love and guidance will be enough to lead him away from the wrong path. Until now, I still pray everyday that I am teaching my son the right thing.
1 person likes this