When you cannot sink any deeper

First, I am sorry to hear that your life took such a dive. But I am equally glad to hear that you have reached some point of enlightenment. I myself have not experience amazing self growth. I have hit bottom a few times and just pull myself up by the bootstraps and move on. I guess it's more of coming to terms with my life and who I am and it most likely won't change. But you learn to accept the cards fate has dealt you.

Oh indeed, my friend. I was raised a Preacher's Kid, and because for years I thought that what I was taught was the only truth, I walked through life with blinders on, foolishly never questioning and always thinking that I had to sacrifice in order to have a decent life. My hitting point of misery was due to a lack of direction. It stemmed from my lack of ability to keep and have a "real job." The silly thing is that before I got any of the real jobs I lost, I pined and wished for and manifested this wonderful life of writing and spirituality and dance...which is what I truly wanted, as these things make my soul sing. I learned that anything in life that we want we must believe absolutely that already have. In life we are only responsible for knowing what we want out of it and not how we are going to get it. That part is up to Akua and the Cosmos. I also became very disillusioned with mainstream beliefs and religions. The more aware of life I became, the more the truth became clearer and clearer to me. Many wars and centuries-long hatreds spawn from a misunderstanding of one another, so much so that people are willing to die for the sake of their beliefs. Don't get me wrong - self-sacrifice for the sake of another is the highest, purest form of Love. But when it is done for the sake of propaganda and for the sake of one-upping another person -or even another entire country full of other people- there is a problem. So, I don't know that it was an rock-bottom hitting thing or if I just felt like there was more out there than the idea that God only chose one right religion and the rest were wrong and all those people who believe anything but that one "right" religion were going to hell. I don't believe in a God Who Condones War as a means of cleansing the earth. My God is One of Unconditional Universal Love and Cosmic Wisdom, and My God promotes prosperity and health for all, not only for one set of certain believers.

Yes, when my neck was broken the first time (and second time also) I was at rock bottom physically and I experienced amazing spiritual growth.