should my step-kid be supported more?

I think you are in a really tough situation. It must be difficult providing for someone elses child. However if I was you, I would just carry ont he way you are. You don't want to get into big arguements about maintenance it will only make you angry and maybe resentful of your step-daughter. Just think about her and how nice it is to give her things that otherwise she might be without.

hi M17 I was in the same situation as you a few years back only it was me who brought the daughter from a previous relationship to my now husband. At first there was a few tensions especially when another daughter came along, but then my now dh figured ok even if he is not her 'real' dad, the more he gives her the more she will give in return. She now calls him dad and her real dad is also her dad - she tells people how lucky she is to have 2 dads. Now i have to say its not all roses - my husband every so often will feel like he is gettin the raw deal as he is the one who looks after her, supports her gives her cuddles when she is sad tucks her in if she has a nightmare, but yet when she is due on one of her monthly weekend visits to her 'real' dad she kinda treats my husband like he is 2nd best!! Guess its all a part of it - if u love the girl you have to love that she comes as a package. Give the daughter the most you can cuz in the long run you will be the one she will turn to as you will be the one she remembers 'really' caring for her. There will be times when she will throw it in your face, but that is girls for ya!!! just you wait and see - long run it will be you and all the time you spend with her and not him and his few hours a week that she will remember and be greatful for. I know its a hard situation, but i really do wish you the best! B x

Well, Your girlfriend needs to take that step to in fact first of all get custody of the girl and then take the father for maintenance herself. If however you two have been living common law for over a year than you and her incomes will be combined and she probably will not get too much but anything helps right. So good luck and talk to her into going to see maintence!!!

I think you should just keep doing what you're doing. Forget about her father. It's his problem if he doesn't want to be man enough to pay for anything for her in her life. What will matter though is she will remember who was really her father. And I think the award goes to you. In the end, you wont care about the money. Money means nothing to a child. They will only remember who was there for them. And I know she will be thankful to you all her life for being there for her when she needed a father. I know it's not easy and it's not cheap, but sometimes the best things are worth struggling for.

If you really love your girlfriend, i think you should accept and love evertything that she love. She love her daughter so you should love her kid too, and i think its your responsibility now to look and provide everything for them because you are now standing as her father. However, her proper dad has also resposibility to give something for her daughter, if he doesn't give anything he can be sued to court in order to force him to give for her daughter. But its up to your girlfriend if she wants to ask for an assistance from the father of her daughter. Why don't you talk to your girlfriend regarding this matter. All i can say is that love her daughter as if she is yours, because time will come she will also love you more than her father. I hope that I was able to help a little.

i think the best would be to befriend ur step kid.. become her friend an it wont seem like a chore to spend time with her.. u ll also feel happy to spend money on her.. bringin a smile on a kids face can make the whole day seem brighter..

Well for starters you should tell you you're girlfriend this. And it isn't fair that the real dad gets to see her and doesn't give money for food or clothes or whatever. I think he should take her to live her for some days of the week.

Its is so nice of you tolove the other persons child as if your own, but I think if you think the child as if your own then you shouldn't expect some financial support to raise your child. The other person might not be having so much of money or even if he doesn't want to pay for it, you can go legally too if there is some legal action can be taken against him, but when this child would grow up and came to know that it is you who have raised her and supported her, your image in her mind would be double.

I think she should be supported financially by her dad, yes. Have you talked to your girlfreind about it? Maybe she's getting payments? But I really think you should be commended on your attitute----it isn't easy taking care of kids, much less those that aren't yours. I think it's great that you have treated her as one of your own. If only there were more people in the world such as you!

If you can, try to discuss with your girlfriend the possibility of getting the child's biological father to provide child support to help ease the financial burden. You should be able to have a "tension-free" discussion, if the matter is approached in the right way. Explain to her that you do love her and that means also loving her child and taking care of her even though she is not yours biologically but that you feel it would be a great help if the child's biological father could provide some financial support to help raise his child. It is a legitimate request, and it does not mean that you love the child any less because you want her biological father to help out. I hope that you will be able to discuss this rationally with your girlfriend and I hope she will see your reasoning and try to get help. Be blessed!

Oh that must be tough. I suggest you talk to your girlfriend about the situation. tell her you dont mean to get into any argument with her or the father of their daughter but instead, you need to let her understand that he does have an obligation for her and that you have your own baby to think of too. I wish you goodluck and I hope you make something work out.

What you are doing is great. I wouldn't fret over it. Keep up with what you are doing, treat her like she is yours. When she is a grownup, she will know that you were the one who truly cared for her and loved her. I wouldn't let the money situation stress you out. Just pretend that she is your biological daughter, then she would legally be your responsibility anyway. Nothing would be different, except that the other man wouldn't be in the picture at all. She will be greatful for you.

I don't know what the laws are in your country, but every parent should pay child support if they are not giving daily care to their child. Sperm donners should be responsible. You should have your girlfriend check into the support laws.

Well....I although I do not have children yet, I have had several friends in similar situations. Has your girlfriend taken the ex to court? Let the legal system do the work for you in figuring out what to do. He should be paying child support and I would push for that. Not because you resent taking care of the child as your own, but, as you mentioned, it costs money and this portion should not fall solely on the two of you. I would be hard pressed to allow my baby's father in his/her life if they aren't willing to help preserve it.

is it harsh to go court and file suit against him. Can man be so mean? if it is then take a hard decision, otherwise you will repent in future.

I think you are in a difficult situation here. Im not a parent myself but i would want to treat both the 11month old and the 4 year old as if they were my own children and that we were all one big family. Naturally thats going to be difficult with the father of the 4 year old turning up every now and then. If there are legal ways of obtaining money then i would defiantely suggest persuing them. I would however talk it through with your girlfriend first and find out what she thinks but im sure you would do that anyway. I hope it works out for you

First of all I admire you for being good to your stepkid. I'm a single mom and I would want to end up with someone like you who can treat my kid as if it were his own. Anyways, I'm sure that when you started, you have an arrangement or agreement of how things will be when you all live together as family. Do you solely provide for your girlfriend's kid, or do you share expenses? Is the dad capable of giving support to the child? If he can't, then there's no question about him not being able to help. But if he's capable, and he's still not giving, then I think your girlfriend should demand her child's rightful share. If you are uncomfortable with the situation, I think it's best to talk to your girlfriend and clear things out.

yes i think u must eqaully support ur step kid as ur own child and put an example to the world. may be this child come out to be best friend of urs

I have a daughter that isn't biologically my husband but he loves and cares for her as if she were his owe. I do get child support every now and then, not on a regular basis. If you love your girlfriend you will love her daughter and be glad to be a good influence in her life. She will remember and realize it when she gets older. I know a 5 year old doesn't understand, but when she gets older she will know what you did for her. And she will love and respect you alot more than her biological dad.

My opinion on this is that when you decided to live with your girlfriend it means that you love her, and if you love her it means that you must love anybody or anything that she loves whoever is and whatever it is. It is not necessary to give more support, just enough for your step kid to have a decent life. Even the child is not your own it is more right to give her also the love that a real father must give since the child is living with you. Remember that it is better to give. If you really want the biological father to have a contribution for the welfare of the child, talk to him in proper or if you cannot speak out to him directly, ask your girlfriend and explain to her that you are not complaining but merely wanting to put the child in a good order since the father as you said is still present.Nothing is better than having a good talk whatever the problem is. Hope I helped at least a bit.