Is there any right way to tell your husband his parents just cannot move in????
February 13, 2007 12:33pm CST
I love my husband to death but there is a line. Recently he has been debating his parents (both mom and dad) moving in with us. I know his mother and i think the main reason our relationship is so great is because we dont live together! She loves to criticize and tell you how something should be done, which is great and all but i had to put up with my mom for years i dont need a next one, especially not in my home. My parents are about the same age as his and they live on thier own, so why cant his? We just got married and have not even enjoyed every room in the house as yet the last thing i need is two other bodies there...especially if they are not kids! My sister currently lives in hell with her two in-laws in her home, they moved in as soon as the house was bought, she is so unhappy in her own home, but ho do i express in a way that is not hurtful to my husband that i dont want that to be me????
3 people like this
• United States
13 Feb 07
If there is nothing wrong with his parents physically, then I don't understand why they would want to burden their son and his new wife by moving in with them. Yes, a lot of in-laws do love to criticize. No one outside of the family can do it like they can. Believe me, I had my share of that and my own mother. I think that you just did an excellent job of explaining it to us. Newly weds need their privacy. You could explain to him that you care very much for his parents but just are not comfortable sharing your home right now with anyone but him. This is your getting to know each other period and even if it wasn't, parents moving in with their children when there are no hardships involved is, in my opinion just an unfair decision unless ALL parties agree and actually want this. I could understand if they were unable to care for themselves and you two had been married for many years. But, this I just don't understand. I would think that if they did move in with you, your marriage will suffer dearly. And by all means, YES, you do need to enjoy every room in the house many times over before even thinking about anyone else living with you. Also, what happens when you have children later on in life? Are you also going to be told how to raise these children by the grandparents? I do wish you luck. I would be very unhappy to have this burden if were me. I like my privacy and as you said, you left one mother..(nice isn't it?) are you just going to replace her with another? They are easier to love if they are not under the same roof. I could go on....
• United States
18 Feb 07
agreed...if there's no "real" reason for them to move in with you, then they shouldn't, unless they have no money or home...which i think is sort of unlikley, although when i was growing up a lot of my friends did have their grandparents living with them since it was sort of in their culture. but you need to weight the options. why do they really want to move in or do they NEED to move in. and what are the options for them to live somewhere else. maybe closer to you but not in the same place.
27 Mar 07
Ask your husband why he wants his parents to move in wiht you guys?? Is there something about their health etc that he is keeping from you?? The start of a marriage has a lot of bearing on what it will be like in the future. YOu need your own space. Since your mom-in-law loves to critisize, u are definetely better off now living with her. But dont blurt it out to your husband, talk to him gently and reason with him. If he needs his parents close by, why not find them a place near you (not too near though) so that he will always be within their reach yet away from them. Good luck, i know its a tricky situation but u guys need to discuss it before you find your in-laws at your place
17 Feb 07
Tell your husband how much you appreciate his parents, how good your relationship with them is and how much you want to keep it that way. You may tell him the situation of your sister and that you don't want the same thing to happen to you and his parents. Open communication is important in marriage. I'm sure your husband will understand you. You may share your thoughts to him, be open, and don't keep anything from him so he can do the same to you.
14 Feb 07
If is was me i would just be honest and tell him i have been giving it alot of thought and i dont want to share my house with anyone other than him.Explain about your sisters relationship with hers and say that you dont want that to happen with your in-laws. Why do your in-laws want to move in with you anyway and why cant they either stay where they are or move into a retirement village with other people and facilities suited to their age. good luck and let us know what happens