Would you end your marriage if your spouse was unfaithful?

United States
February 14, 2007 3:00pm CST
Or would you forgive?
3 people like this
14 responses
@sunshinecup (7880)
15 Feb 07
No I would not, no maybe I would. I know for a fact I would die. How I would handle it I can't say until I was faced with it. I trust him so much and we have been friends for so long, that I know I as well as we, would never be the same.
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@lisa101 (1362)
• United States
14 Feb 07
Well it has happened to me and i stayed and tried to forget but cant forgive. Now i wish i would have gave up from the start of it all.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Feb 07
If you can't forgive, then.....that's a problem. But believe me it's happened to me, and even when you forgive, you never really forget....
• Canada
15 Feb 07
I don't make it a habit to watch Dr. Phil but my daughter was watching it the other day as I passed through the living room. It was an episode about a man that had an affair with his wife's sister. Anyway, the couple is still together but the wife is a mess over it all. The husband said that he thought, because "it was two years ago," that she should be "getting over it by now." Dr. Phil told him that time does NOT heal all wounds, as people like to say. The husband truly believed that just the passage of time should make his wife get "better" and get past the affair. This is something I truly believe and it mirrors what you're saying... you may choose to forgive but the memories never go away. I know that I am TERRIBLE for this. If someone hurts me, I can usually keep them within my circle (whether they are family, friend, etc.) but I have a fantastically long memory... I never seem to forget. This is what makes me believe that, if my husband was unfaithful, I wouldn't be able to salvage the marriage. I don't think I'd ever be able to look at him again and NOT remember the hurt and what happened - or I'd be dragging it back up during every argument, etc. I do respect, very much, the people who say that you can't know how you would react until it happens to you. I mean, who am I to say how I'd feel if it was a one night stand, an ongoing relationship, a flirtation... I hope I'm never in a position to have to make the choice about what to do :( I've been through a nasty divorce in my lifetime but it wasn't about any sort of infidelity.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Feb 07
I chose to forgive him but I believe all situations are different. I did what I felt was right for me and my family. It was a one time situation and he was extremely remorseful. I knew it wouldn't happen again, or I wouldn't have stayed. He knows I won't forgive him a second time. We've mended and we are better now than we were before it happened. I do not think anyone can honestly answer this question until they are in the situation themselves. It's easy to say you will dump them and walk away but when you are actually facing that decision, it's not that easy. Had someone asked me even one day before I found out about my husband's one night stand, I would have said I wouldn't have stayed. I would have been so sure that I would dump him and walk away. But I didn't when I was facing it for real. I'm a strong woman but I wasn't going to throw away something that I had invested 15 years into. I wasn't going to turn my son's whole world upside down over one night. Had my husband not been sorry and had I even felt an ounce of a feeling that he would do it again, I would have left. But I forgave and I'm glad I did.
1 person likes this
• United States
14 Feb 07
I think the fact that your spouse was remorseful says a lot. I remember your story from another thread and I think you have a very mature attitude and I'm gald that things worked out fro yoru family. My ex cheated on my more than once. I chose to forgive him the first time. Then it happened again a few years later. I wish I hadn't forgiven him the first time,as it would have saved me from years of anguish and heartbreak. There is definitely no clear cut answer to this question and I agree with you, that you almost need to have experienced it to know for certain what you would do.
@AskAlly (3627)
• Canada
21 Feb 07
If after 26 years of marriage, my husband felt the need to cheat, he could leave and keep on cheating his heart out. To me it would be the ultimate betrayal of what we have built together over the years.
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@Marie2473 (8519)
• Sweden
15 Feb 07
It is impossible to say before you are faced with it. i was one of them girls who said i would NEVER forgive, however when it happened to me I really tried although without success. I am sure that I will have less tolerance now, but like I said, until you are there you never know!
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@rainbow (6763)
15 Feb 07
Na, just do it back twice as hard,he'd be so upset he'd never do it again, lol.
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@crazynurse (7489)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I tried the forgive route with my first marriage. A few months later it happened again. I don't think I could ever go that route again. Of course, as you said (and I wholeheartedly agree) one never knows what they would do until faced with a situation!
1 person likes this
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
15 Feb 07
yes... in my case I forgve my husband for his extra marital affair for a couple of times already... then I got tired of course. I dont want my kids to think that its just ok to be unfaithful.
1 person likes this
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
14 Feb 07
It would depend on the circumstances: wether it was an affair or just a night, our current relationship at the time etc....i don't say no by principle, so it's possible that i'd forgive..but it'd take a long time to trust her again after that, and she would have to accept certain unnegotiable rules i'd establish, in order to prevent that it happened again.
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• India
14 Feb 07
Depends as to what made my other half go in for an xtra marital affair ??? Was I wrong somewhere that made her go for xtra marital affair ??????
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• Philippines
14 Feb 07
I can forgive the problem is if she could forgive herself. She has to make up what she has done to gain my trust again but that won't be easy.
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• United States
14 Feb 07
I am not sure it is as simply as forgive or leave? I think people stay but still struggle with forgiveness. I will have to consider the circumstances. How long have I been married? Is his unfaithfulness an ongoing thing? Do we have children together? I think your (or my) instinct would be to flee. But feelings and practical consideration can override anyone's instincts.
@Myrrdin (3601)
• Canada
14 Feb 07
I tried the forgiving route, it didn't work out so my marriage is ending. The affairs weren't the only problem of course, but it was one of the main ones, and the last one was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.
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• India
14 Feb 07
if i find it out myself i will end the relation.if she come and tell herself and feel guilty i will try to give her some time.
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