Happy Stinking Valentines day!
By shannon76
@shannon76 (1232)
United States
February 14, 2007 10:26pm CST
So me and hubby got into a fight today a HUGE one I might add and he spent most of the day gone. So he returns at 8pm and still hasn't spoke to me. With that said, he also did not get me anything for valentines day. I didn't get him anything either only because I was sick the past 2 days and could not go get him something. Shouljd I make a big deal about it? I mean I am hurt about this because I have been dropping hints for a couple of weeks about wanting something for V-day. And just because we are in a fight doesn't mean we shouldn't exchange gifts right????
10 people like this
44 responses
@kakuemmom (859)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
Personally my husband and i don't really celebrate v-day we never really have. Our view is we don't need 1 certain day to say how much we love each other we do it every day. The only thing i do on this day is make valentines with my kids so they can give them out to there friends. As for your situation if you are already fighting i think bringing up the fact that he did not get you anything will most likely only make things worse. Wait until tomorrow and tell him that you were upset that he did not think of you on this day. Then celebrate it then just because it's the 15th and not the 14th won't make a difference at all.
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
15 Feb 07
Good point. We had planned on going to dinner this weekend anyway (we didn't want to stand in line for hours on wednesday). But I guess I am just still hurt for him not even acknowledging it to me. Like a simple "happy valentines day, hunny) would have been good. The day didn't start out in a fight. He could have at least said it you know? Grr! But I did take your advice and I will wait till tonight to talk to him about it. Thanks!
1 person likes this
@steerpyke (396)
•
15 Feb 07
totally agree with kakuemmom. Why do people have to wait for a specific day of the year to show how they feel. Flowers, the odd meal out, small presents etc don't take a genius to arrange, if you love someone it should just come second nature, if it dosnt then something is missing.
3 people like this
@pinklilly (3443)
• Australia
15 Feb 07
*hugs* sorry to hear about your rotten day...
We don't really celebrate Valentines day but my partner picked flowers from the garden and gave them to me in this little vase which I don't know where he got that from, it was sweet because he really does hate Valentines Day it's too commercialised and really just for the shops to make extra money of it...
If you really love somebody it should be shown everyday not made a Big deal on Valentines Day.. It still can be hurtful when others are out there making an effort and there are others hurt and lonely or feeling Down...
I do hope you sort things out
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
15 Feb 07
WEll thank you. That was sweet of you. =)
And you're right, it is commercialised but I do have feelings and I am still a girl that wants at least a card or heck even an acknowledgment would be good at this point.
@sylvrrain (659)
• United States
15 Feb 07
No, don't even mention it.
If you do, just say something like, "I don't need a gift, I just want you to love me everyday of the year."
I mean, you didn't get him anything either. I know you said you were sick, but Valentine's Day comes every year on the same date. You have been dropping hints for two weeks, so you had time to get him something too.
I feel like Valentine's Day is another Commercial Holiday, created by florist, candymakers and jewelers.
Talk to your husband, tell him you love him, and leave it at that. Whatever you do, do not go to bed angry.
I have been married for over 25 years and I can tell you marriages takes work. It takes understanding, compromise and sharing.
Think about what he may have been thinking when he decided to leave today and stay gone. Why did he leave, and why did he stay gone so long?
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
15 Feb 07
You are completely correct - marriage does take work and if anyone says different they are lying! The only reason I disagree with you about me not saying anything is the fact that it will fester up inside of me and I might explode one day because of it. And you're right, I don't need a gift. But I want one. And I think that at least a card would be fine right? I should at least deserve a card? And yes, you are right about me not getting him anything either and this might sound silly but I when I went to the store 4 days ago and was going to get him something then but I wanted to wait to get it on valentines day (because I am a stay at home mom and he works outside of the home) so I could easily go get a gift for him and not have to hide it in the house for that many days. Well that was my thinking anyways and of course then I got sick and couldn't leave the house. Not an excuse just a fact but you're right, still doesn't make up for not getting him anything either.
I wish we could take your advice of not going to bed angry. We do it alot. And I am trying not to play the blame game but he is always the one to go to sleep in the other room or he decides he doesn't want to talk it out... I do hate it and I ask him all the time to talk it out before we sleep. Very frustrating!
He left because he was mad and upset because of the fight. And that is his way of dealing with things. He thinks that all will be better once he gets back and that running away from the problem is the best thing. And I am not saying this as an assumption that is actually what he told me (except the actual word running away, I think he used walk away but same thing).
1 person likes this
@cjsmom (1423)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I'm so sorry you had to go through this, especially on V day...My husband normally doesn't get me anything, he always ends up saying, "Oh, was it Valentine's Day today? Sorry about that."
It hurts me as well but I was pleasantly suprised today. He came home from work with a beautiful mini fondue pot wrapped in Valentine paper.
I was so shocked I almost cried. Don't worry you both will be all right I'm sure. I know it hurts because when my husband and I fight we don't talk afterwards for a few days and then it's like nothing had ever happened.
God Bless you both.
2 people like this
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I am sure we will be fine. I guess I am just tired of letting it blow over and tired of acting like nothing happened. I want him to understand how this makes me feel and he acts as if it is no big deal just because it is no big deal to him, doesn't mean it's not a big deal to me. It's just frustrating and I am sure you know exactly what I mean. God bless you as well~!
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
15 Feb 07
how did I destroy it? I was very clear with my husband that I felt this day was to be acknowledged. I didn't ask for anything expensive, I didnt' ask for jewlery or a fur coat. All I wanted was either flowers or a simple card!! And at this point, all I want him to do is say "happy valentines day hunny!". How is that destroying it?
@florenciascorner (381)
• United States
15 Feb 07
Sounds like your husband may be one of those folks
who wonder, why all the fuss about Valentine's day?
He just needs to understand that there is a fuss and
that's that:) For me, I don't understand football. My DH gets the living room tv most sundays, whether or not we are fighting. Many times I sit and watch with him (he has to explain every shot etc), when it's a big enough game his friends come over and I feed the bunch of them. Not my cup of tea, but i know it's important to him and what's important to him, becomes important to me. Tell your hubby it's not to late for him to fix February 14. c'mon hubby! you can do it!
1 person likes this
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
16 Feb 07
How do I get him to understand that? I have told him. Last year the same thing happened. He didn't get me anything and he didn't even acknowledge it and I told him how sad I was about that and he said he didn't know that I wanted to celebrate it. So he does know. And I shouldn't have to point things out that he already knows right?
@gharinder (2044)
• India
15 Feb 07
personally i think you should not make a great deal, because you love him and i think you will suffer too, just be calm, and i think you can talk to him and share your feelings with him when the matter settles down, at that time he will surely listen to you, this is what i think i will personally do, because at present you both will end in an argument
1 person likes this
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
15 Feb 07
Very true. I don't want to end up arguing again. Then we will be arguing about arguing!!
@Eric102 (2)
• United States
15 Feb 07
You should just sit him down and talk to him lol. Mabey ask to go out for dinner in a upcoming day. Mabey over the weekend. But you deffinitly shouldnt start a fight about it again. It will just start more problems and you may say something that you might regret. Good luck
1 person likes this
@moonmagick (1458)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I feel for you. My husband and I have been in a fight since last Friday. And I am not completely sure we will be able to reconcile. I would be hurt about the gift if I were you too. I dont know if I would say anything though.
Even though my husband and I arent speaking right now, I did get him a candy bar bouquet and handed it to him, and he cooked breakfast for me this morning because I didnt get up very early since the baby was up all night last night. But we didnt do the usual nice dinner and expensive gift exchange.
1 person likes this
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
15 Feb 07
That's nice of you two - even though you are fighting you still do nice gestures. That is called fair fighting! =)
I did cook for him last night and left it out for when he got home. I guess I just need to suck it up and stop being a baby about it but I just want to know that I am still cherished like when we were dating you know! I feel like once we got married, that was it. No more dating, no more flowers, no more mister nice guy..... And now we have a baby so it's getting even worse. It's all about the baby. I feel forgotten.
1 person likes this
@moonmagick (1458)
• United States
16 Feb 07
I completely understand. I love my baby. And he is my world. But sometimes I would like to be remembered too.
@TakeThisName (769)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
It's ok to make a big deal out of something when you are hurt . If you don't make a big deal out of it then he is going to think it wasn't a big deal and then next year it will be the same thing all over again . You wanted to celebrate this day with the man you loved and he didn't take the time to acknoledge that . You shouldn't have had to drop hints he should have known .
I am sorry you had such a crappy day but maybe with any luck you will have a better day next year just because he knows how upset you are with him this year .
2 people like this
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
15 Feb 07
That's the thing though, last year we had a VERY similar conversation about how I wanted at least a fricken card from him! Last year was the same as this year (minus the fight we had yesterday). Nothing. Not even a "happy valanetines day". SAme thing with Mothers day!! Last year was my very first Mothers day. Did I even get a "happy mothers day? NOPE! I grew up in a family that acknowledged every holiday, gave a card at least for every holiday. My parents still do that for us. And you are right - I shouldn't have to drop hints about this stuff - he knows what I want because I tell him!!! But yet, I still do not get a present or even a card......
1 person likes this
@fuzzEbluebathrobe (378)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I am waiting until this weekend to celebrate with friends and family at dinner. Make plans for a Valentines Weekend.
Show your willigness to move on don't mention that there were no gifts exchanged today. Let the dinner be your gift and let him off the hook as a good will gesture.
2 people like this
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I want to do this but I am afraid that my intention will not be a good will gesture. But hopefully we will go out this weekend and I am hoping that he will do at least something nice for me. I just hate him not even acknowledging the day at least!
2 people like this
@dbcraff (162)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I fhe is anything like my husband hedidn't get you anthing because you were dropping hints that you wanted something. My husband likes to surprise me. I does hurt though. I am sure. I have been there. And it isn't to late to take the first step for forgiveness and get him something great and unexpected for V-day. Even if it is late. Who says we have to get each other something special on V-day anyway. We can give a gift to show our appreciation any day. So don't get to hung up on it. Go out and get him something!
1 person likes this
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
16 Feb 07
I am sad to admit that even when I don't drop hints (like mothers day, it was my VERY first mothers day and he didn't even acknowledge that day either!!) he still doesn't do anything. But you're right I need to just go out and get him something but then he will pitch a fit about it and say that I only did it to make him feel guilty... GrRr!!
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
19 Feb 07
Ain't that the truth! And they say women are complicated!!!
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
15 Feb 07
Sorry to hear about your rotten v-day but if it helps, we dont celebrate v-day, i'm not sure why but we just never have. My husband came home last night and said if i was dissapointed or upset for not getting anything for me for v-day and I said why should i be when we don't celebrate it and never have. He still is going to do something next pay period which i think is sweet.
When you both have calmed down, and when you are well enough, go out and buy something for him even if he doesn't do the same for you. It will show him how much you still love him regardless of how you both are feeling at the moment. It might soften the blow a little bit and it will help you get over the fight you just had. Hope that makes sense.
Happy Presidents Day!
1 person likes this
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
16 Feb 07
Happy Presidents day! lol that was cute... You're right.. I do need to just suck it up and just go get him something but I am afraid that once I do that he will just get mad and think I was trying to guilt him that he didn't get me anything...
@euniceeleanor (5967)
• Singapore
15 Feb 07
I'm so sorry to hear that...but don't be so sad about it. If both of you are in love, everyday is a Valentine's day, right? me and my bf didn't go anywhere for a candlelit dinner yesterday ....he didn't declare undying love for me at all...hehe..but both of us enjoyed our first valentine together...for doing simple things...wearing t-shirt and shorts and going for grocery shopping with his mom! everyday is like a valentine day for us...we don't exchange gift on V day as we buy gifts for each other every other day....in fact, he bought me a very nice watch today...
1 person likes this
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
16 Feb 07
It's not so much the idea of him giving me a gift. All I wanted really was an acknowledgment from him. A simple "happy valentines day" and even a home made card would have been great! I am not a high maintence girl that needs alot of things. But I do need love and a lot of that and I wish my husband would be sensitive to the things I like. And I did drop hints about it and kept reminding him of the day.
@worthy (2413)
• India
15 Feb 07
Exchanging gifts is a very trifle matter.I understand that you are hurt.But dont worry.every day can be treated as v day for people in love.
so don't lose heart.The moment you make up,you can take him to the nearest gift store.
:)
@p8ntballr21 (857)
• United States
15 Feb 07
Sorry to hear about you and your husband getting into a fight.
My valentines day was not that great eigther, I did not get to see my valentine.
Hopefully things work out for you two. I wouldn't make such a big deal about not getting a gift.
1 person likes this
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
15 Feb 07
But it's not even the fact of not getting a gift either. It's that he didn't even acknowledge it. I know it is petty and I shouldn't make a big deal about it. But it's hard. Sorry to hear you didn't get to see your valentine. Hope you can see them soon =)
@byfelisa (45)
• United States
15 Feb 07
If you don't celebrate it, less chance of getting disappointed when your hubby doesn't give you anything. I emphasize on spontaneous living. I use to wait for anniversaries and holidays and hope my fiancee would shower me with poems and gifts, now I know better!
Don't plan anything or following the traditional or normal way others do things.
It works fine as we exchange gifts more this way and I am much more happier.
I think when you leave hints around some men tend to still not get the clue or they feel they have time and then wind up forgetting.
Anytime just say how you feel and do what you feel seems to work out just fine, less arguments too you'll find.
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
16 Feb 07
But why should I have to give up something like celebrating a holiday just because he might forget it? I mean if it means something to me, shouldn't he make it a point to make me feel special? I'm his wife for goodness sakes. If I didn't have holidays to look forward to I wouldn't get anything at all from this man. I barely get gifts from him at all (if I am lucky on my birthday i get it but we usually end up going to a store and buying what I want instead of him surprising me) and christmas? forget it... this year he found out that I got him something and I am not kidding you, he was out at the 24 hour walmart at 2am christmas morning getting something for me..... I just don't feel that he pays attention to what my interests are and what I care about.
@rainsong7 (124)
• Canada
15 Feb 07
my valentines day tradition.....i always go and buy myself a nice gift..ususlly flowers...that way if the hubby forgets...no big deal...i had a few valentines day disappointments with hurt feelings because my partner just forgot...so i decided that if i had no expectations i wouldn't be disappointed...some years i get 2 gifts...some years i don't...its all about our perspective...and i know he loves me anyways...
1 person likes this
@logansmommy08 (31)
• United States
15 Feb 07
I don't know. Sometimes you have to pick your battles and if you are already fighting, do you really want to make it worse? I didn't get anything either but I didn't make a big deal of it. It is my son's first V-day so it should have been all about him anyway. I didn't really expect anything much b/c we just don't have the money. But a card would have been nice. It's hard to not get upset when you are hurt. Maybe try to just sit him down and tell him you have to get something off your chest and you would appreciate that he listen to all you have to say before he says anything (nicely) and just tell him how you feel. My husband and I used to fight and yell but then we got tired of it and also we had a son and I don't want him to grow up in a house like that so we started talking our feelings out. It has worked for us!!! We have a much better marriage!!! Hope this helps! Good luck!
1 person likes this
@shannon76 (1232)
• United States
16 Feb 07
Your comment sounds very familiar! My hubby and I are at the point where it seems all we do lately is fight and we do have an 11 month old and we don't want to continue to be like this because we don't want our son to grow up in a family that is always fighting... But divorce is not an option with us and we have been through counceling and small things are turning into big things and big things are turning into HUGE things and so on and so on... This is my second marriage and his first and I think we both just had ideas on how things would be and of course they aren't and it's hard because we both have set up these stupid expectations...
