Divorce, the best solution for the children?

By twix
@teison2 (5924)
Norway
February 19, 2007 1:42pm CST
I often hear how divorce is hardest on the children. Do you think a divorce could also be for the best of the children? Or is divorce always a bad thing?
2 people like this
11 responses
• Canada
17 Mar 07
I am a child of divorce and I thank the Lord my parents divorced. The marriage was chaotic and caused my parents to be at constant war and increased stressed levels on the whole family. when they divorced I seen a lot of personal improvement in both my mother and father. They were both more at peace with themselves, with each other, and thus they were more attentive to the childrens needs. Divorce hard on children?? Not if it is in THEIR best interest.
@ktroth (378)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I don't think divorce is always a bad thing. My parents divorced when I was three and a lot of people always said that must have been so hard on me, but it wasn't. I was three--I have no memory of it. I also have no memories of my parents as a couple. That's OK with me. They both went on to marry other people, and I couldn't have asked for a better stepmother. I think it's much harder on kids as they get older. But if there's a lot of fighting going on and the household is generally miserable, it's probably best for everyone to end the marriage if counseling doesn't work.
2 people like this
19 Feb 07
it can be better for the children in many ways. If one of the partners isn't being good to the children, than getting away from one of them would be the best thing. Also if the parents are arguing or if one is unhappy all the time then that isn't a good atmosphere for them to grow up in.
2 people like this
@easy888 (10405)
• Australia
18 Mar 07
Divorce is hard for children. Some people may think if the parents keep arguing for the whole day, divorce may be the solution to the quarrel and let everyone cool down. But for the children, they will not have an intact family, they loss their childhood, other kids can go to the playground with their mum and dad but those kids from the divorce family can have either dad or mum to be with them. Their future growth may be affected.
• China
1 Mar 07
The only bad thing was having to visit my father every firest Sunday of the month and even having to spend half of the summer holidays there .He remarried and his second wife hated me with passion
1 person likes this
• China
1 Mar 07
The only bad thing was having to visit my father every firest Sunday of the month and even having to spend half of the summer holidays there .He remarried and his second wife hated me with passion
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Feb 07
Oops, I just started a similar dicussion question. I am a divorced/single father, twice. I educate divorcing parents on how to help their children along in the divorce process. I do not believe in staying in a failing marriage "for the sake of the children". However, this is my personal belief and is what has worked for me. I do not judge others for doing differently. My father stayed in his marriage to my mother until all three of us were out of the home. I dont agree with it because I grew up in that dysfunctional home and my hindsight tells me that it might have been better if they were apart. But, again, just my thoughts.
• United States
19 Feb 07
Divorce is hard on children, there is no doubt about that, but is it always a bad thing? I don't think so. I think that if the children are exposed to constant battles, arguments, domestic violence, tears, etc., then divorce may ease the burden on the children. If the parents have done a good job of hiding the pressures and issues, then a divorce may come out of the blue and cause problems in finding explanations for the children. I think divorce will be easier for the children if both parents agree to not demonize the other parent. I can remember back to my childhood when my father attempted to blame my mother for the break-up of their marriage even though I knew my father was the one who had the affair. This won't make the children wish and connive to bring the parents back together, but it will make the break-up easier. Hope this answers your question.
@DRoddy77 (1776)
• United States
19 Feb 07
I guess it depends on the situation. If there is a lot of fighting going on in front of the children then divorce may be the answer if they cant resolve their issues. However, I think that everything should be done to try and resolve those issues first!
1 person likes this
@didi13 (2926)
• Romania
8 Jun 11
Divorce in our society today is more than common. He no longer appears as a failure, but as a beginning for a solution and a better life. But just in case good / happy, if I may express it in cases where the person who divorces and other abuses are beyond them as well. We all know that there are consequences both positive and negative consequences at all levels, and not just one child (psychological, behavioral, material, etc.). While parents have good reasons (or, in some cases, more rare it is true) for separation, children, especially children, understand the reasons and rarely, most often begin to ask questions , which will not give an answer unless they are helped to do so. Children and adolescents becomes a series of problems arising from parents' divorce, but in general, parents should explain their reasons and, furthermore, I do not feel guilty, or intermediate between them means that the parent and father. Also, teachers or others involved directly or indirectly (relatives, close friends etc.) in these children's lives, play an important role in such moments. The effects can be observed directly or indirectly in attitudes and behaviors that they adopt a minor (irritability, hypersensitivity, low school performance and social acts of deviant / delinquent, the gender role identification, distancing and conflict between her parents to societal distancing, devaluation of parental models, personal development and increase aggressiveness, stigma, self-mutilation, depression, etc.) In societies / traditional communities tend to stigmatize children whose parents divorce. Self-esteem as low as it gets, including the operation / development in all aspects. Do not know how to cope with expansion of roles (especially when there are younger brothers) or distribution of parenting tasks, if parents disagree and, most important, if not helped. Most times, it happens that a child pay for the mistakes of their parents. Unfortunately. And I could go on forever. What I wrote above, I gleaned from the summary as I could, out of my work during college. Often encounter cases of child service files that come with their parents (usually mothers), parents are divorced and, in addition to the existing burden of divorce, the child / teen parent bears the burden of disease which left him carefully. It is awful and become extremely busy. ; Mature early childhood for them there / not there. Unfortunately you can not do much. But at least made me decide to write information from the literature and the experience of a social worker, my default, since I deal with clear cases and real every day. All the best to all and take care of loved ones. Others do not get your loved ones.
@WyldPnut (74)
• United States
18 Mar 07
There is no best answer for this except whatever is best given the circumstances. My father was physically abusive on a regular basis. My mother stayed in the relationship for the kids. There was four of us. Out of the four children 3 have been divorced two times. One has stayed married for 30 years. Did we benefit by seeing this behavior NO! did we learn how to think rational in times of disagreement No not from our parents. It has taken me many years to learn how to handle disagreements and frustration. So the point is children should be in a healthy environment that teaches them how to handle all aspects of life in a productive manner. Seeing too much fighting only shows them that it isn't worth the struggle or that they must fight for everything. Divorce is not easy or pleasant but YES sometimes it is better for the children and the adults.