the agony of seeing the dead loved one's, who STILL walk that earth...

I cannot recall of anything like that happening to me yet. Naturally, I do not look forward to having that kind of experience at all. The memories flooding back involves those about my childhood, my school days, work - I have gone through quite a number, and my kids. These are the memories that I treasure. Some may not be happy, but they are mostly joyful ones. If you are experiencing it right now, I understand what it is that you are trying to make others see. I can even feel the pain of how it is that you wish to see a loved one but distance and/or circumstances stops you from doing so. Why not try going out of your way? Take the phone and talk to the person or maybe, write a letter. These are people you love, if it takes an extra mile to be able to iron things out among you, you will never regret the effort once you are back on good terms. Do whatever it takes. Humble yourself before them, if it is the key for the resumption of the good times.