New Telephone Greeting.
• Sri Lanka
21 Feb 07
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the woman. "How did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far." The woman below responded, "You must be in management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault!"
21 Feb 07
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." "Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted. "Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset." "Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon."
21 Feb 07
A couple who for years have been finding that the man of the house is more a flimflam of a mouse when it comes to the engineering department down below, decide he should try Viagra to see if that helped matters at all. Well, it worked. After their first lovemaking bout, whilst in a dreamy caress his wife says ,"Darling, that was wonderful, That Viagra sure did the trick. Let me go make you some breakfast, ham, eggs, toast, mushrooms..." "No dear, no thanks," the man responds, "This stuff takes away my appetite for some reason." Later in the day his loving wife asks him if he wants any lunch, saying "I have your favourite cheese and pasta dish all ready to cook fresh for you?" "No, sorry honey, this Viagra sure takes away my appetite." A little later on his wife asks him if he wants any dinner, letting him know she has bought in a succulent roast, usually something he drools at even the thought of. "No honey, not for me, those pills have robbed me of any appetite I had." Finally she asks him later that evening if he can't just go a spot of supper, something like cheese toasties which he usually cannot resist. "Nope, sorry dear, I have no appetite for supper." "WELL I JOLLY WELL HAVE!" she screams, "LET ME OUT THIS EFFIN BED AND LET ME EAT FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!"
21 Feb 07
I have a headache 2000 B.C. Here, eat this root. 1000 A.D. That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer. 1850 A.D. That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion. 1940 A.D. That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill. 1985 A.D. That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic. 2000 A.D. That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
19 Mar 07
that is just so funny and yet stupid too lol . Her is Scotland we are getting that we can hardly ever actually speak to anyone on the phone in person , I was on line to AOL last week for almost an hour and when I finally got through it took 2 Min's to fix the problem , we will be employing robots next lol xx