I want the divorce but feel immobilized...

May 29, 2006 10:04am CST
I have been separated for a year from my physically and verbally abusive husband. He has confessed to me that he has fathered a child outside of our marriage and that the child is now five years old. We have been married for nine years and together for fourteen. I want the divorce but feel overwhelmed. We have two daughters 10,12 and I have a 17 year old daughter from a previous relationship whom my husband abused physically and verbally. Please advise. signed Flattened
11 people like this
103 responses
3 Jun 06
Just leave if you are able and don't worry about a divorce. If you intend to stay in the area, you are in for more misery.
2 people like this
• India
8 Jan 07
seriously just leave and start a new life. go to some place new.
1 person likes this
@crystalc (289)
• United States
6 Oct 06
If there is abuse, you should get out of there imidiately. Your children should not have to suffer like that. You should not have to suffer like that. No one deserves to be abused, not matter what the sittuation. My mother was in many abuseive relationships when I was younger. I ws never abused, but watching it be done to her broke my heart. When I grew up I thought that it way ok for people to treat each other that way because it was all I knew. Well now I know better. No one should have to live that way.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Nov 06
Definately, if there's abuse of ANY kind, children of any age do not need to experience or even witness it. And if you've been together for 14 years, and there's always been this abuse? It's time to get out darlin'. You will never know how wonderful life can truly be. *hugs you*
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Oct 06
I think a divorce is the best thing, you and your children will only be hurt more by staying, especially if he has been abusing you and the children physically and verbally. and that can have lasting effects on you and your daughters.
@prncesssly (1375)
• United States
6 Oct 06
My advice is this: do not stay in a relationship that is abusive just for the sake of your children. They will adapt. Trust me, your life will be much better. Why make yourself suffer? I think you should just get out of the relationship before it's too late.
• Malaysia
6 Oct 06
Just saw your post which was written 5 months ago. Have you done something about your situation already? Have you got any help from someone on your marital situation? I am really sorry for what you and your kids have gone through and pray that your family will experience God's healing from all those years of physical and psychological pain.
@bhchy1 (6051)
• United States
6 Oct 06
Why have you stayed so long?? Get out now..Don't ever look back!!
2 people like this
@asa010 (1129)
• India
5 Oct 06
leave him....not worth a shot
2 people like this
16 Jun 06
u have to know ur priority n think about what the best for ur children n ur self. maybe u dont have to divorce but i suggest u to be a single parent n live independently..
2 people like this
• United States
9 Jan 07
If protecting yourself and your children is something that you have as a priority in your life, than I suggest getting a divorce. Furthermore, this is not someone that you should feel that you have to remain attached to. He is not right for you or your family. So, I hope that you have been able to get yourself mobilized and closed this chapter in your life. Your children need you to make the right decision, and you will realize with time that you did the right thing. Don't let him ruin your entire life, or that of your children. You will get through this. You are strong enough. Good luck and have faith.
1 person likes this
@msqtech (15226)
• United States
9 Jan 07
dont let anyone control you take control and live for the future not wallow in past abuses
• India
9 Jan 07
Devorce is not best solution for life.
1 person likes this
• India
9 Jan 07
Take it granted from me that you should not desert him. He has confessed to you and did not hide it from you. This shows that he cares for you and the reason for the delay in his confession may be due to the fact that he was waiting for the right time to come.
@runsgame (2032)
• India
9 Jan 07
it is glad to note that at least you want to divorce. we just think only , cannot even want .. mmmmmmmmmmm
1 person likes this
@dravid (1049)
• India
9 Jan 07
hai leaving him so easily would be very easy for him o enjoy his life make his life some what misarable.....
1 person likes this
@bigedshult1 (1613)
• United States
9 Jan 07
go to the near lawer and sine the paper today for the divorce don't wate till he kill you or one of your kids kick him out now!!!!!! don't wate any longer
1 person likes this
@alvinia1 (714)
• Romania
9 Jan 07
start your new life
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jan 07
You are already seperated it is time to take the next step and get a divorce if not for yourself but for your childrens sake they are the one truly being hurt the most in this situation. I know it is hard but you have to do this. Let the courts handle him as far as child support and visitation goes and prefferably get supervised visitation. Your family would be better off without him in your home .Best of luck.
1 person likes this
• India
8 Jan 07
well 1st of all ur husband is sick second u must take good care of ur 1st daughter try to keep her away from ur husband and 3rd get a divorce .. and god is allways there he will hwlp u out after it
1 person likes this
@cute15 (339)
• Philippines
8 Jan 07
i think you not need to divorced because yourd child growth up with out guide of parent
• Ukraine
8 Jan 07
my advice is since you want to divorce but feel immobilized try and see reason for any of your actions
@zotopec (307)
• Pakistan
8 Jan 07
Just get past this immobilized feelings. Perhaps you dont wanna go through the procedure because of that man's abusive behavior and you dont wanna encounter him because it will bring back memories and threats. But sooner or later you will have to do that...so why not when there is still time