allowing your child to speak their mind

I think i agree to you.. though i am not sure how liberal are you with them... i have always believed liberty is something that can be easily misused be it adult or a kid... I would like to give my kids a liberty of speech but with manners and also with a sense of responsibility for the consequences that their speech can bring... i would like to teach them When, How, and whom to use that liberty too... i thnk that is the way i can go about it...

Most kids will try to pit the mother and father against each other. I have 2 girls who know how to play the game well. They come to talk to me ( I am the calm one), then go talk to dad. Depending on what they want to hear, it can result in severe fireworks. Many times, even though, we agreed, the kids turned it around on us and we ended up fighting. What they might be telling you about your ex is one thing. What is actually happening might be another. The kids now adays will do anything to get their own way, even if it means splitting up their parents. They just don't care anymore. And when you say it depends on how you raise them, that just ain't so, baby. Once their peers get ahold of them, if they are not good peers, the parents just have to grab hold and hang on for dear life, because that ride is gonna be long and nasty. I know for a fact this is true, because I have been through it and and am still going through it. Being a great parent is so hard, but being a sane parent is even harder. Don't let them play games with you. And don't always believe that "my kid would never do that". In today's world, most kids will do anything at least once.....and usually more just on a dare.

I agree with letting children voice their opinions to a certain degree as well. I mean you may go a bit further than I do, but I get your point and why you do what you do. Nevertheless, your ex is quite a different parent. The best thing I could suggest is that you speak with him and see if you can get an understanding with him so that he will know that your children are not being disrespectful. I would also talk to your children, because it is not always what you say but how you say it and when. Children can take things to the extreme and may not always try to explain their side in a calm, respectful voice especially when the situation is in an escalated stage. Help them to realize that you did speak with him, but if he is telling them that they have to be quiet then that is what they will have to do. In life you don't always get to speak your peace. Sometime you have to be quiet. Some adults will always think that the kids are being smart when they try to tell their side. Nevertheless, that is their father and unfortunately for them if he chooses not to listen to their side then they will just have to bit the bullet - so to speak - and hold their peace. Yet and still, when the father does realize he is wrong he should be man enough to apologize for his error.

As teenagers they should be able to speak their minds and have an adult listen and treat them with respect. I think your doing allright, But you cant change how someone else parents the children. You can try talking to him and asking him to be a little less verbal in his dicipline. Hopefully you can get near on the same page as each other. So that your children dont feel like its a battleground.