Have you gone to bed and thought.

@_hope_ (3906)
Australia
February 22, 2007 9:14pm CST
Have you gone to bed at night and thought why are you actually here .I just feel so alone at the moment.Ireally need someone to talk to but there isn`t anyone who i can talk to and now after last night i feel my hubby has lost it also. At one this morning he throws the bed covers off and jumps out of bed muttering that it`s michaels fault he cant sleep (Michael is one of our sons who left home three years ago and won`t even speak to us at all ).He then turns on the light and goes out to the kitchen aparently he was thinking of michael and took the wrong pills for the flu he has at the moment and he couldn`t sleep .It scared the hell out of me .Hubby won`t talk about him .I can`t even talk about my problems with him .I`m so isolated out here and so unhappy..
6 people like this
35 responses
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
23 Feb 07
You know I'm here for you my friend.Whenever you need me just come online or text me.I will do whatever I can to help and if I can't help I can at least offer you a shoulder to cry on.You are not alone! There are so many people who care about you mate.Mega hugs to you dear friend.
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
23 Feb 07
Yes i know my friend you are there but i really think you have enough on your plate at the moment without the added stress of my problems
1 person likes this
@ausnikki (4055)
• Brisbane, Australia
23 Feb 07
Mate I will never have so much on my plate that I'm not there for my friends.The deal stands mate,if you need me I'm here *hugs*
1 person likes this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
24 Feb 07
Thanks nikki you are one in a million
@arcadian (931)
• United States
23 Feb 07
feeling that a child you've raised and loved is unable to acknowledge or return that love is heartbreaking. No wonder you and your husband are experiencing pain. Talking to each other might be too difficult right now, but a caring and understanding therapist can give you the skills you need to be able to help each other endure this. It could help you in time to re-establish a healthy bond with your son. The most important thing right now is to know that even though I and the others who have read your post are not there to take your hand or hold you, the care is definitely there. You aren't alone. But being with your husband and feeling shut out can intensify that feeling. Try to reach out to someone in your community who has experience with the kind of pain you are having. And keep posting. You express yourself so well, it surely resonates with others who have felt rejected or abandoned. I wish I could do more than try to send you a few reassuring words, but others can. You have two other sons. Have you asked them how they feel about Michael's attitude? Have they any insight on the matter?
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
23 Feb 07
I have had so much pain eversince my son left that it tore me apart my two oldest children don`t want to have anything to do with michael but the two younges don`t feel the same they have contact with him at christmas time and hubby and myself sent him some money for him and his friend which actually yesterday we recieved a card to acknowledge they recieved it but hubby has a hard time dealing with it and just cant talk to him they are both as stubborn as each other . We have tried to make contact but it hasn`t worked and i even suggested that hubby talk to someone but he won`t accept help
2 people like this
• Australia
23 Feb 07
hello again , talk away, im listening, say what you need to say and if i can help with advice i will otherwise i will let you just vent.
3 people like this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
23 Feb 07
thankyou sandgroper
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Feb 07
What you and your Hubby need is more then anyone on this site can give you...you should seek out professional advice.
3 people like this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
23 Feb 07
big dean i have been having help for several years now but hubby refuses to become involved and i just feel that our time together is almost at an end because of it
2 people like this
@ossie16d (11826)
• Australia
7 Mar 07
Just popping in again hope to let you know that I am thinking of you. I do wish there was something that I could do which could help you a little, but we live just too far apart. That means that at this time, we can only communicate this way, but remember that you can talk to me anytime that you feel the need to do so. Take care my friend, and take it slowly too. :)
2 people like this
@sherinek (3323)
• United States
8 Mar 07
This is exactly why I like ossie so much. She is there for you, and never stop thinking about you.
1 person likes this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
9 Mar 07
Thankyou ossie i really do appreciate your help as it is. One day things will improve i don`t know when but think it will still be a while off so as you said slowly thats all i can do one day at a time
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
9 Mar 07
Sherinek ossie has become a good friend and this is the reason i have enjoyed my time in mylot
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
I am sorry your son left you..I guess you and your husband needs to have some counseling. You are united in marriage as one and should act as one. Why did Michel leave if I may ask? I think your husband is really missing his son alot..he just turns to anger towards it...and I guess you are sad also because of what is happening..I hope I can do something for you... You both need to talk this out and sort it...Try communicating with Michael again and tell him how you feel..
2 people like this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
Michael left of his own accord he was involved with a married woman and she was so manipulative that she tore our family apart .IN TIME THINGS WILL HEAL IT`S JUST A MATTER OF TRYING TO KEEP MY FAMILY TOGETHER UNTIL THEN
• United States
23 Feb 07
_hope_, it's sad when a family member forsakes the family and leaves without coming back. My brother has done the same thing to our family, taking my niece and holding him over my mother like she's some kind of pawn in a game of "You never loved me the way I wanted to, so you're not allowed to love her at all." My mom says it doesn't hurt her, but she loses sleep over it, self-medicates herself, and I know she cries when she's alone. I can tell. Sometimes when you feel that lost and alone, the best thing to do is look for someone to talk to, someone who doesn't know your situation, someone who isn't already hurting, because sometimes when we hurt, like your hubby is hurting now, we don't believe anyone else in the world can understand our pain. THen there you are, the mother who lost her son feeling alone and empty, but you need someone to tell you that somehow it'll all work out and be okay, it just might take awhile. That's why the internet is a wonderful place. There is always someone out there who doesn't know you, but still wishes they could just wrap their arms around and tell you everything is going to be okay. It might take awhile, but one day the wounds will heal.
2 people like this
@Polly1 (12647)
• United States
23 Feb 07
I am so sorry Hope, I think of you often. I will include you in my prayers. Take care.
2 people like this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
23 Feb 07
thanks polly i sure can use some at the moment i`m running out fast
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Feb 07
Yeah, I've been there. And I agree with another poster, your husband needs some professional help. As his wife, (and the way I see it) you can do one of three things... you can try an intervention and hopefully he goes along with it, you can leave him in the hopes that it will help him realize he needs help, or you can do nothing and continue to live the way you are living. None of the three choices are especially thrilling, but the easiest thing to do would be to do nothing. How does that help you? Ask yourself it you can continue to live as you are living. If you can live like that for a little while, then doing nothing will probably be what you'll do. But what does doing nothing accomplish? Will it make things worse? Will it make things better? Keep us posted on what's happening and what we can do to help, if anything. Best wishes to you both!
2 people like this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
23 Feb 07
well i don`t want to continue the way we have been i just can`t take much more of it especially after last nights performance i`m at my whits end i know he needs help and i have suggested but he isn`t interested but an email from a friend has given me a couple of suggestions
1 person likes this
@sherinek (3323)
• United States
8 Mar 07
Sorry I took this long to respond Hope, how are you feeling now. After this long if your hubby cant reason with the leaving of your son, I think he should do something about it. I wonder why Michael left home, was it after an argument or something with the father? Then your hubby must be still having regrets about that. May be he misses him badly and wants to see him or talk to him again. I am sorry that you have to deal with a lot of things at the same time. I think sometimes problems have a way of multiplying. Just like your code name, have some hope. I am sure this dark period will pass off and you will be able to see sun shine real soon. Sometimes, when the worry is too much we tend not to talk about it. But the problem never solve by itself. We have to find a way to solve it. Seek professional help if need be. Its not easy to make a husband see this. But dont give up trying. I wish you all the best hope, I am sure you will be fine real soon.
1 person likes this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
9 Mar 07
Sherinek my son has made contact with his dad he told him he doesn`t love him and said that why now was he interested in him after twenty years of not doing anything .well his dad was there he cared and loved him so much but is not one to show his emotions and feelings he has never done so. his dad was sent to bording school when he was eight and never had the close contact with his dad as most boys had . but i was always there for them took them to soprts everyweekend we had family outings ,holidays parties and everything any one would ever want but it wasn`t enough for michael and he doesn`t want to have anything to do with us now so thats his choice and thats all i can do . It breakes my heart to think this one child i put so much love and cherished so much could ever do this to me or his dad it beyond belief .
@sherinek (3323)
• United States
9 Mar 07
Children are always like that, wanting more and more and more. How much ever you give them, may be you go out of your way and out of capacity, to be for them and to do things for them, still in their point of view its not enough. This is not every child, but every family has at least one of those. Specially, if it is a big family the tendency is more. If there are only a couple of kids, this rarely come up. Anyway, there will be a day that these kids realize how much their parents did for them and it will be too late. Having heard a lot of this type of stories, i make it a point to make my kids know how much we do for them and all the difficulties that we face while doing so. This is very important I think. They have to understand the life their parents going through because of them. The mistake some parents make is they cover everything from the children and show the children a happy face all the time. They have no idea whatsoever about the parents problems. For you, I think, you have to give time for him to understand. Wait till he have kids. May be we will not be there to see their old age with their grown up kids. Just write a letter to him, telling him the things that you and your hubby had to go through raising them. Tell him how sad you feel when he ignores you and say that he doesnt love you. Tell him not to open the letter before his kids enter college. I feel so sorry for you. But try to forget these things. You have done what you can and thats all. When ever you feel lonely, do write something. It will ease your depression. Wish you all the best.
1 person likes this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
12 Mar 07
thank you sherinek for your thoughts and ideas it has given me something to aim for
@babyreyn (934)
• Philippines
12 Mar 07
You can overcome your problem, God willing, just don't give up. Always see the positive side. Move on...
1 person likes this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
13 Mar 07
thank you
• Canada
26 Feb 07
Buy a dog?
1 person likes this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
4 Mar 07
i take it you have a dog well infact we have three here and i have found them useless how can a dog help me
• India
25 Feb 07
i should u feel like that u r alone...many r here to be with u and advice u...if i m lucky u can add me as ur friend my yahoo id is nirth_kamal@yahoo.com..u can contact me at any time...i m waiting to help u
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
4 Mar 07
thankyou for your offer i too have many friends here and they are such a comfort in a time of need
@mimatexas (1835)
• United States
24 Feb 07
I am praying right now as I post this comment to you. I hope everything gets back to normal with you and your son Michael. I don't know what was the problem but I do hope that the Lord touch his heart and talk to you again. I sometimes feel lonely for no reason and then I remember why am I alone? I have Jesus in my heart, he is my friend and I start talking to him and praying about all my worries and let everything out. My husband doesn't always talks to me about what his feelings are and I only pray for him and wish everything would be better for him. This world is not perfect but we have hope that some day Jesus will come and free us from all our worries and take us away to a better place in heaven. Don't be discouraged, take a deep breath and smile, we have a purpose why we are here, but we need to find it.
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
4 Mar 07
thankyou once again for your kind works and prayers .Michael is aware of the damage he has caused to our family and not a day goes by that i hope he will contact us i have tried but apart from asking for the lords help there is no more i can do except wait and hope
@sunny1984 (640)
• India
24 Feb 07
In this situation you should swith on your computer and get connected with as much people as you want on internet
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
thanks sunny for you advice
@xanjvill (88)
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
I think the root of your problem is Michael, your son. I don't mean that he is the problem but I think he is the reason why you and your husband are having sleepless nights. Maybe until now you are still dealing with why he left and won't even speak to you guys. I know that as parents this hurts you very much. Maybe you need to talk to your son and ask forgiveness to one another and solve the problem. Just pray when you can't sleep and feeling down. It helps a lot.I hope I have been of help. I am no expert on this but I want to help.
1 person likes this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
thankyou for your words ,kind thoughts and most of all your prayers we can never have too many
@alchemistrx (2559)
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
I have thought also in the night and I am here to help others and become a steward for each other. If you need our help or an ear to listen too. you can pick someone and tell your problem.That's what we are here for.
1 person likes this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
thank you for being there
@porgie (268)
• United States
24 Feb 07
yes sure that's natural
1 person likes this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
thanks for your response
@ghoenne (31)
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
hey gurl!! you are not alone!!! We're hir to listen and also there's God who always wait for you to talk to him!!! There's no big problem when you talk with god!!!! Just pray and always talk to him things went go right!!!!
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
thankyou i talk to him constantly and he knows my problems too well as it was him that sent them to me as a trial
• United States
24 Feb 07
I go to bed every night and wake up every morning wondering why I am here? I never really have an answer.
1 person likes this
@_hope_ (3906)
• Australia
26 Feb 07
thanks for your response