I have a problem...

United States
February 23, 2007 1:16am CST
My mom and I have a close relationship, she's not very very strict and we are like friends, but since I left for a vacation here in the US, she's been acting really weird and she has been very judgemental on whom I get to meet here. We communicate via chat, and I haven't really been able to you know tell her everything about what's going on with me in full details. As I think she wants me to. 2 days ago I went out to the park to take a walk by myself (I wasn't really doing that before but I just thought of it and for a change.) So eventually she heard about it from my aunt and she's interrogating me about it and making a big deal out of it... I am very hurt that she even said she hopes what I am telling her is true.. It hurts so bad that even only thru chat I wanted to cry, she wasn't ever like that to me before and she trusts me. That is why I feel so frustrated now that I feel she doesn't. I just don't feel the same for her as I do before... I don't know what happened but I just felt like she overreacts to everything. Maybe because I am far away from them, but then I cannot help myself but get irritated when she starts questioning me.. I feel like she is dictating what I should do with my life... I know she isn't used to me being away from them and it is out of care.. but still.. How should I deal with this?
3 people like this
14 responses
@posterBOY (116)
• Philippines
23 Feb 07
There you go... you just said she isn't used to you being far away from them. Mothers are nothing if not protective, and you should understand that. Sometimes they overreact to situations involving their children, and that's simply maternal instinct kicking in. Maybe she wants to know everything that's going about you because she misses you, since you did say you both have a very close relationship. I agree with you that maybe she shouldn't have questioned whether you were telling the truth or not. Tell her gently, "Don't you trust me?". Maybe that will shake her up and make her realize that maybe she went out of line there. Always reassure her that you are fine, tell her about things that happen to you as much as you can. She misses you greatly I'm sure, and being away always heightens the maternal instinct in her and possibly causing her to overreact. Most of all, be very understanding about the situation she is in. Don't be irritated, and don't cry either. That will only make you feel worse, and that you don't need to be in, I'm sure. Always tell her not to worry, and it wouldn't hurt to tell her too that you miss her and that you love her. Smile, keep things in perspective, and you should both do well until you're together again. Cheers!
2 people like this
@jammyt (2822)
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
I agree, she should trust you. You're a big girl now. Maybe it would help also to let her know that whats happening is already causing friction between the two of you. I always believed that honesty is the best policy. Moms are really like that. I am 29 years old now with a family of my own but everyday, I call my mom's house to let her know I'm home. It used to irritate me to the highest level but then I got used to it. They dont mean any harm. They just have different ways of showing their concerns. Explain to her also that its hard to give full details via chat. Your mom is probably one of those not so techy people and they do not understand that chatting is quite tedious work. Keep reassuring her that you are thinking of her and tell her that you are just making the most out of your vacation and you just want to have fun.Goodluck!
• China
24 Feb 07
Wow... when i read ur story, it was like reading my own story.. My mom did the same thing too when i first move out of the house to study in another city -still in the same country- She called me everyday!! 3-4 times a day. During my lunch, during my classes, during my sleep... .
• United States
24 Feb 07
Nice to hear an advice from someone who's gone through the similar situation, like you get tired of having to expound on details that you think aren't of a big deal really right? And I want her to find something to do, that she would enjoy like a hobby because for the longest time all her attention was on my brother and I, so when I wasn't there I think she felt like she didn't know what else to do..
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
i think you're mother is just trying to protect you,every mother should do that. and do not feel that way, she is your mother, she wants the best for you.you are so far away from her, that is why she is over acting in a way that she is trying to know your whereabouts. dont feel bad, be thankful, your mom loves you so much!
• United States
24 Feb 07
yes I know she does love me very much that's why she tends to over react... I have come to realize that now...
@sechsey (1836)
• Canada
24 Feb 07
Like what they said, your mom just probably misses you. SOme people have a different way of dealing with it because they cant always express it the way they want to. And im assuming this is your first time being away from her as well, and the her youngest daughter too? Then all the more that your mom will feel lost and missing you. She is probably worried and just trying her ways to extend her motherly figure all the way from where she is to the US. There are people who express their love and affection better when you are nearer . Dont worry , just talk it out with your mom and continue to be patient. Im sure you know your mom will always love you and she might just be waiting to hear from you again just like how you used to.
• United States
24 Feb 07
Yeah after the annoyance have passed I kinda felt guilty because I felt like I was the one who's changing, like I felt like I wanted more freedom and was not giving her enough information about how I am doing...
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
i think its normal for parents to be strcit sometimes. i think youre mom is just being concerned. this usually hapens when you're new in a certain place. if i were you, it would be better if you will talk to her about this
@sincere (178)
• India
24 Feb 07
she is your mother,there is one possibility that she loves you a lot and worried abt you.Moms are too emotional,she goes be her limit when child is not with her,she couldnt control herself to think abt the matters which might harm you.Right now you are very far from you mom,i think thats the reason your mom is treating like this.
@geejoy (344)
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
well, been there also smints8985.....well, my advice to you is lengthen your patience.....you cannot do anything coz she is still your mother and no matter how irritating our mothers are...well, we have to give maximum tolerance to them...
@junior07 (973)
• India
24 Feb 07
this happens with everybody,it's not a big thing to worry about,she cares for u that's why she is querrying u,u should tell ur mother at once that u r doing nothing wrong here,so if she belives in you then never ask u such questions which hurt ur feelings.
• Singapore
24 Feb 07
talk to your mother. assure her. i kinda understand your mom, maybe she just misses you and actually does not trust anybody that goes near you. i always feel like that whenever my boys are not on my line of sight. even when they are with their grandparents. i feel like nothing can protect them better or take care of them than me. we mothers are worrywarts :) bottomline is - we just love you. just say it nicely and i know she'll understand you.
@maddysmommy (16233)
• United States
24 Feb 07
Mothers are mothers and will always worry about there children especially their daughters. She's not use to you leaving home and so is worried about you vacationing in USA on your own. I know its frustrating at times and it sounds like she doesn't trust you, but i think its because she cares for you so much, she thinks something might happen to you (i.e. walking through the park on your own). I wouldn't be so hard on her, and just allow her to feel the way she is feeling and you reassuring her that your ok. I'm 36 and my mother still worries about me, moreso now since we moved to the USA.
@onabreak2 (1161)
• United States
24 Feb 07
Your Mom is probably just worried about you. If she is use to having you close where she can protect you. It is hard to let go sometimes. You are always going to be her little girl and there is no one good enough for our little girls. Try not to let it hurt your feelings. She is trying to look out for you.
@heatspine (1141)
• Philippines
24 Feb 07
I assume you are asian and granting that you are ... i noticed that asians are more conservative. Your mom is of course protecting your interest. However, the over protectiveness seem to backfire huh? Maybe you should talk over and give your thoughts about this. Communication might be the key to this issue
@friendship (2085)
• Canada
24 Feb 07
Perhaps, your mom was only worried about you. She wanted to show her love to you. Because she was very worried, she might be a little bit overreact. Perhaps, you can ask her from heart to hear why she was acting like that. No matter what... it is still your mom.
@jillbeth (2710)
• United States
23 Feb 07
Sounds like she is just very concerned about your safety while you are so far away and she can't do anything to protect you! She is missing your friendship, also. I don't think necessarily that she doesn't trust you, she probably doesn't trust the people you might meet! Be patient with her and let her know you try to be careful (walking alone in the park is pretty safe where I live but I know that's no so in many places). Communicate with her regularly to assure her that you are safe and well.