Parenting

I agree with you to a certain extent. I believe that all children should be encouraged at all times. Spanking tends only to work on younger children say under the age of 5 - as children this age cannot reason. However the fundamental approach to bringing up happy well behaved children is DISCIPLINE. The parent and child should both know that the parent is in charge and at times there is no bargaining. At all times the parent should be firm and the child should always know where they stand.

Wow, someone could write a book in response to a question like this. If I narrow it down to one thing, I think my main role as a parent is to be constantly on the look out for opportunities to teach. I try to teach my children good manners and social skills, in the same way I teach them about shapes, colors, tying their shoes etc. I found that by teaching them "shopping manners" or restaurant manners" in advance of going into one of these places, I could avoid having to do much in the way of reactive discipline once we got inside. Where I grew up, it wasn't the norm to spank, so I don't do it with my own children, but I don't really have an issue with parents who do.

I agree with your view of spanking, very effective if reserved for occasional use. You don't have to spank them often, they just need to know you will when necessary. Here is a parenting method that is totally dumb: When you tell your young child to do (or not do) something, and they don't mind, so you tell them again, and again, and again...and finally end up yelling at them to make them mind (maybe). Kids figure out they don't have to mind until they've been told umpteen times. This drives me buggy, and I see it in the way my daughter raises her kids. I didn't raise her that way, so I don't know where that comes from. I seldom have to tell the grandkids twice to behave, because they know grandma means it the first time! I think a child should be told one time to do (or not do) something, twice at the most, and if they don't respond, you get up off your duff and make them do (or not do) whatever you request. Children should respond quickly to their parents' requests for their own safety as much as anything. What if the child is running toward the street and you tell them no and they keep going, into the path of a car, or getting ready to pull a hot pot off the stove? It would be disaster for a child who hasn't been taught to mind properly.

I think what makes good parenting above all, is that you are at maximum closeness with your kid and he doesnt hesitate to share his secrets with you. That way, the child will be grwing up and experiencing life not alone but under you, and you'll always be able to teach him anything about life and he'll always learn it because he trusts you so much.He believes you're right. As for spanking, it could be effective but it shouldnt be too often or hard

I believe in respect. You respect your kids, they learn respect. You hit your kids they learn control through violence. They learn compliance under threat. When Alex or Andrew does something wrong, they hear all about it. We tell them all about why they should or shouldn't do something, we talk about how other people feel, respect, fairness, what have you. The thing is, we don't expect them to understand or act on that right away -- especially not Alex, as he's only 5, but it's planting the seeds. In order to get them to comply, we take some limited reactionary measures, but for the most part we make sure they understand that they are responsible for themselves... what that means is that we try not to set up unnatural consequences. We say, look what you did, and look at the result, and we let them choose not to do it again. It’s proactive I think, and it’s called the psychology of insufficient justification. When a person has ample outside reason to do something, they will comply but their beliefs and attitudes do not change. If they do something but have no external reason, they change their internal beliefs -- "I shouldn't hit because it's the wrong thing to do" instead of "My mom's looking at me so I won't hit."

suck