Reuniting with absent parent.
February 27, 2007 4:50pm CST
I have recently reunited with my father. He left when I was about 6 or 7 years old. I had little contact with him other than when I would visit my grandmother (his mother). I would run into him there or occasionally around town. It was always me who made the contact if contact was made. When I was 21 (some 26 years ago) I told him that the next time we spoke it would be because he contacted me. He never did. My grandmother passed away this past summer and through my uncle I have been back in contact with my father. I don't know how to breach the subject of the past and what it has done to me. He's a stranger to me but he does seem genuinely interest in me and my family. I would welcome any suggestions on how to become reacquainted.
• United States
27 Feb 07
I suggest you begin with him just as you would any other stranger. His being your father is only a biological fact now...he is not your "dad". Since you don't know him well it seems to me that you were right to decide that if he wanted to get to know you, he would have to take those steps himself. There is no reason for you to chase after hom. Let him come up with ways to spend time with you so that you can devote energy to assessing your feelings and keeping your life on track. If he is truly interested relatives wil not need to intercede. He will make the effort on his own. you seem to have a level head in this matter and I think you are to be commended for thinking things through. He doesn't realize what a wonderful person he has missed knowing.
27 Feb 07
Thanks for your suggestions and your kind words. They are both greatly appreciated. He seems like a very shy man and he has been doing his part to keep in touch. Whether calling or inviting me out with him we have been seeing each other regularly. I'll continue in this manner and hope that over time I am able to say the things that are deep inside me so I can get past them.