have u ever been hurt so badly...

United States
February 28, 2007 12:44pm CST
that you were affraid of having another relationship? ive been hurt alot from past relationships though its now more of a self inflicted hurt since i dont know how to trust my 'guy picking skills' anymore. i think ive picked a bad guy one too many times and i just really worry that ill always pick the bad ones. being a single mother i just cant afford to get involved in a bad relationship since it would affect my son which is not ok with me! im just curious if anyone else has went through this? and if so were you able to overcome this fear? how? if you werent, have you tried to overcome it?
4 people like this
24 responses
@rainbow (6763)
28 Feb 07
Oh sweetie, it can be so hard to start again, especailly with a kiddy. The right person will probably appear when you are least expecting it. I would hate to have to start again, with two boys, and cannot really offer any advice. My mum used to say the right one comes when ou're not looking, I gave up as a new single at 6 months pregnant and 3 weeks later met Shrek, I thought nothingwould come of it and decided not to waste my last bit of freedom, it was a bit of a laugh really. we're still together nearly 8 years later but I wouldn't know where to start with a little one to consider. I think you have to keep them apart until you are sure. If he's a good one he'll understand your reasons, as long as he knows about your little man.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Mar 07
lol ive even found that the wrong ones come when ur not looking too! thanks much for your response hon :)
2 people like this
• United States
28 Feb 07
A lot of time.. Its hard to get over a bad relationship and Im not sure you will ever completely heal from the emotional scars. You just have to get back out there and try try again. Its good that you are not getting your child involved. You could date around without your son ever meeting the men. A good rule of thumb would be to never introduce your son to someone you couldnt see yourself marrying.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Mar 07
well im not really big on dating and at this time in my life i dont have time for a relationship. none the less i still carry alot of fear of picking someone who is not good or not good enough with me and it really bothers me! i mean something good could stare me right in the face and id blow it off at this point.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Feb 07
My first marriage was very bad. My ex hurt me with his abuse, cheating. I thought that I would never get into another relationship. Still have a lot of angry for what he did. But when I wasn't looking I started talking to my now hubby in a chat room as a friend. He is the best thing that could have happen to me he respects me for who I am. Sometime you have to learn from you experience. Things always come to those that wait.
• United States
28 Feb 07
thankies much for your response! im glad u were able to get away from the bad marriage and find your way into a good one!
1 person likes this
@coolsid2007 (1030)
• India
28 Feb 07
It happened to me once... when i had just cleared my high schools and i already had three failed relationships... one with the girl one year younger to me... second with the girl equal to my age and third with a girl 7 years elder to me... the last one was terrible.... i thought and almost beleived i could and would never have any positive relationships... untill after one year i met this wonderful girl who gave me so much of confidence in her and also so much love... that now i do believe that what ever happens ... happens only for good... it takes time ... but just make sure you have the one which can change itself and you can change yourself for that single relationship in your entire life.....
• United States
28 Feb 07
thank you very much for your response! ill keep that in mind!!
1 person likes this
@agfarm (930)
• United States
1 Mar 07
This has happened to me. I was 24 and I was very much in love. He was exceptional. I cried for 4- whole days. I cried so hard....I can still feel the Headache today ( I'm now 37 ) He was indeed very dear to me . We never fought. He just told me one day...." our time in the sun is over " I was devastated. But....fortunately...time does move on. I have a wonderful Husband of 10 years, and a beautiful little boy. I still think about this individual ( at times ) how can I not? He was very dear to me. And you know what??? When I do think about him....I mostly remember only the good. I understand I am very fortunate. But you see....this is how I choose to live my life...Looking for only the good. I hope this notion helps in some fashion.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Mar 07
yes it takes a long time to heal from emotional trauma! im glad u were able to find someone else though :) thanks much for your response!
1 person likes this
@crosa125 (1484)
28 Feb 07
well only thing i can tell you is this love next time don't build your hope before you find it out who you are dealing with,try to take your steps slowly and know him before move in together,in one word try to enjoy the life then if he was the one you are looking for then do what ever you want,plus there are a lot of good guys up there looking for someone like you and they can't find so hope for the best and go for it.
• United States
1 Mar 07
yes taking it slow is very good advice! thankies much for your response!
1 person likes this
@jhartana (1085)
• Australia
1 Mar 07
Before I got married I was in pain twice. One relationship gone un-noticed by me, since the girl I love was taken over by another man and she did not say anything about it to me. Told her that I love her but she said she better off with that man other than me. Second relationship I had to discontinue due to the long distance that both of us could not keep up each other. What I have done to overcome it is to stay at home, watching movies or reading books and try to forget what's been in the past. There is no use to think and bring your past because it's not gonna work and you won't move on with your life.
@lpetges (3036)
• United States
28 Feb 07
so far only once have i been hurt. i can still after 27 years remember that horrible day. i was so young and stupid. So, yes i have been. But, you move on somehow, and live your life because there is nothing that can be done about it. i don't really have regrets, just an empty spot there. i have a good life now, and maybe its just suppose to be this way-everything happens for a reason-right?
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Mar 07
I hear you! Are we related? LOL I have actually dated some really good guys but for some reason always ended up dumping them. I have had two long term relationships and both have been with bad guys. Now I have three little ones and am deathly afraid of picking another bad guy when I do decide to date again. My number one concern is what if I pick a guy that seems totally harmless and wonderful and he ends up abusing my kids in some way? I dont think I could live with myself. This has me so worried that I doubt I will date anyone for a very long time! I think the fear of another bad relationship is defiantely legit...what I have been learning is that we need to pay attention to the warning signs. They are always there and we always ignore them usually because of that new relationship high. From being in more than one bad relationship I am sure you know them as well. When you see the red flag, take the time to stop and exam it! Dont take it lightly! That is my best advice for you and for myself as well. I know its really hard in the beginging of a new relationship, but we need to think about our kids! Right now I know I am focused on them...I know I do want a relationship though, because we all deserve to be loved and have someone to rely on. I am just not ready to jump in yet! Have a great day!
@adidas7878 (2013)
• United States
1 Mar 07
hello friend, dont be afarid to have another relationship, life is full of up and down, you learn as you go, sooner or later you will find that right person, i been down the same road before even for a guy, things dont work out than i move on, i am taking it slow and enjoy life right now, if i happend to find her that i find her if i dont i can keep on looking out. so smile life is full of suprise :)
• United States
1 Mar 07
Past relationships help me learn more than anything. I see the signs to watch out for, so I don't run into the same problems again. I also try to observe my friends and the relationships they have, so I'm not repeating their mistakes. I'm extremely picky when it comes to dating. I always test guys out as friends, before I take that extra step into dating. Even then, they don't gain my full trust. That can only be earned with time. As long as you are care, there's no reason not to let yourself love again.
@listen2me (511)
• United States
1 Mar 07
yes my last relationship. it took me 3 yrs to start another one, didnt even want to have a girlfriend. this relationship jus sort of happened. my last gf basicly told me i didnt have enough money for her, she said why shouldn't have what she wanted and if i couldnt give it to her then she would find someone who could. so i let her find someone who could . end story. it took me 3yrs until i was ready for a new relationship.
• Afghanistan
1 Mar 07
Life is full of ups and downs. Keep trying! "Get up on that horse again" Life is great...live it. Before you go out a try to pick out that "prince charming". Just remember that no one is going to be perfect. You have the right approach with your kids in mind. Screen your boyfriends good and check for police records. Don't bring anyone home unless its serious. They could become an instant father fiqures. Look for things you have in common.If none keep moving. The more people you meet, the more likely you will find that soul mate.
@chello63 (305)
• Philippines
1 Mar 07
ive already experienced this once with my ex boyfriend. i know the feeling that your experiencing right now.. but before entering to another relationship you must first release all your doubts, hurt and sentiments through prayer.. ask god for help and try to pray for him.. iknow when you turn all your problem to him i know yuo can find peace and love.. you can also release all your hurt and when the time comes that your ready the right guy will come to you and accept you and love you for what you are.
@helpme901 (157)
• India
1 Mar 07
Yeah I remember once my girl friend talked so rude with me very rudly and I can remember that at that time I couldn't understand what is happening one time. for the moment I was completly shock and couldn't understand the things even for next few days. Later I went into deep depression and even after 3 years I am coping with my depression. I paid a big prise to have a girl friend.....lol!!!!!
@loktak (189)
• India
1 Mar 07
I guess most of us are hurt by realtionships at some point of time or another. EIther it is that we wait too long or sometimes we rush in too soon. But whatever it is , being hurt, learning from our mistakes, and then finding true love is all one can hope for.
• Australia
1 Mar 07
since breaking up with my last girlfriend i have tried not to think about serious relationships. im trying to get on with my life.
1 Mar 07
its a well known fact that everyone has there fair share of bad guys before they find the good ens. I know it can be hard to be alone, but the best thing right now is not to go looking, focus on your son. love comes along when you least expect it, take your time to get to know someone first, theres no rush. perhaps go to a class that interests you, you might meet someone there with similar interests, and get to know them casually, which is alot better (and safer) than meeting someone in a bar...(nothing personal).
@bindishah (2062)
• India
1 Mar 07
I was in a relationship for 4 years before it broke up. i was hurt too deeply by it and it took me 2 years to get over it. Infact i guess one is not really totally over it ever. But you have to just move forward in life. time heals all wounds and you'll realize one day that you are ready for a new person. Life is too short to let incidents affect us permanently. I hope you find the one for you soon.
@kmdvmd (357)
• India
1 Mar 07
In my life and marriage i was hurt many times by many people.some times i decided to get rid of my husband and children but it was not possible.Iwent on doing adjustment with the condition.Dont get hurt by small problems,anddont run away from youand your child.A man will come in your life who really loves you.