What will you do if you find out that your husband has another child?

Philippines
February 28, 2007 6:01pm CST
I was watching a show yesterday and this was the scenario. The wife thought that the husband was cheating, she noticed that he's been going to a different state every other weekend so she followed him once. There she sees him inside a house with another woman. Of course the initial reaction of the wife was to leave assuming that the husband was cheating, she brought the kids somewhere else. Anyway, to cut the story short, the husband was able to find them and he started explaining, that he wasn't having an affair, that he has another child! Here's the thing, the child was a product of a one night stand even before he met his wife, that he doesn't know that he had a kid until this woman contacted him and told him about their child. The husband is going to get a paternity test to make sure that the daughter is really his. Ok, my question is...given the scenario, that even your husband didn't know that he had another child out there what would your reaction be as a wife? I was thinking about it, I personally would still feel violated and I don't think I would be ready for such a "fact". I know that somehow it would taint our relationship as a family but that's just me. How about you guys?
8 people like this
34 responses
• United States
1 Mar 07
I would be really mad that my husband tried to hide it from me instead of telling me! and I think that my trust level with him would plummet, that on top of a child out of nowhere, I honestly don't know what I would do, I would try to work it out, but it would be hard, all I could do is try and that's what I would let him know.
3 people like this
• Philippines
2 Mar 07
Thanks for the response. I am a strong woman and I love my husband, but I as well really don't know what I'll do with that situation. I want to be mad, upset, angry and everything else but a part of me doesn't want to blame my husband for having another child before he knew me. It's a situation I pray I wouldn't have to go through.
• United States
1 Mar 07
It sounds like you were watching Desperate Housewives!! I'd be upset but I'd understand that it happened before he was my husband..I'd deal with it. If he went behind my back about it, I'd be mad about that!! He should have told me the minute he found out, otherwise I wouldnt hate him for having the kid - it would depend on how he handled the situation
3 people like this
• Philippines
1 Mar 07
LOL yes I was watching Desperate Housewives. =) I love that show! Anyway, you're right, it depends on how he handled it and that he should have told his wife about it as soon as he got some information. But, I don't know, I really couldn't handle that fact if that ever happened to me =(
2 people like this
@ms_fery (251)
• Philippines
1 Mar 07
i am not married yet but i will give my view on this matter, first of course it would be stupidity not to react it was the initial reaction but the fact that your husband told you about it is a bigger option at least he doesn't cheat on you and it is not the childs fault. so accept the fact that he has a child in other woman and he is not leaving you.
• Canada
1 Mar 07
Honesty, honesty, honesty... how much trust can you have if you find out your husband is hiding something like that! I mean, so he hasn't gotten a paternity test yet and it might not be his, but he was CONTACTED about it and he's been going down (obviously for some time). I would have a hard time putting stock in the relationship for a long time after that. It would have nothing to do with actually having the child (that would hurt but as far as they were concerned I didn't exist yet), but for not saying something right away. That's a huge hit for a family, and it shouldn't be a 'oh surprise! I have a kid i've been meeting for a few months'.
3 people like this
@coolcatzz (1587)
• Canada
1 Mar 07
This exact thing happened to a friend of mine. At the time they had been together 11 years. Well he got a letter in the mail one day from this daughter he never knew who was 12. She was conceived before they were even together. My friend had such a hard time with this. She would call us and talk for hours. She'd talk to my ex and then to me and back again. She felt so violated yet he knew nothing of it and didn't cheat on her but she felt like her whole world had been torn apart. There were a couple rough years. The daughter had come to live with them but that didn't work out. They had a son and daughter of their own that were just a bit younger. I think it was hard on the kids too. All of a sudden they have a new sister. I think everyone was in shock and nobody knew what to do. Well about 10 years have passed and their kids are in their early twenties so there really is no need for the competition anymore. But it was a tough couple of years.
@shila07 (514)
• Bhutan
1 Mar 07
IN this situation, i know every wife would be shocked and furious to know.IN this case, i wont get angry at the first sight because, every thing we see by our eyes may not be true. SO i will ask my husband about the matter and will know every thing about how it happend, when it happend? After that, i he tells that he doesnot even knew about the child before, i will understand him and forgive him, because sometime in bachelore life it may happend to all.I will accept the child but not another woman in my and my husband's life.
2 people like this
@djmarion (4901)
• Philippines
1 Mar 07
forgive me for my opinion since i haven't had a husband yet but i think i may feel mad at first if i found out that he has a child from another woman but i would soon forgive him provided that he will end his affair soon with her.
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 Mar 07
i will not forgive him for sure, its just our entire relationship was a big lie. For sure my life will be devastated if that will happen to me. The thing is i can accept what he been through if he tell me the truth from the start of his courtship.
@patgalca (15438)
• Orangeville, Ontario
1 Mar 07
My husband was quite the player before he settled down with me. He insists he was a late starter and that he didn't sleep with a lot of people. I doubt it. One of my biggest fear is that a person would show up on our doorstep claiming to be his child. One of the sources of a writer's imagination is fear. I have started a story on this concept through a writing prompt during group session, but it is on the backburner until my novel is complete. I'm not sure whether this would make a good short story or novel. Regardless, my husband insists it will never happen. It better not!
2 people like this
• Philippines
1 Mar 07
It is still horrid that you will know your husband is having another child and he don't know it. It is really irresponsible, that he don't know that he has a child. For me i will still be hurt, but i have to accept the truth about the child. I will not blame the child or treat the child the way the hurt is treating me. I will let myself be strong and i will try my best to help even it is hard to accept the truth. I will also be given my forgiveness but i am not sure if i can forget about it, it is difficult. I have to face the fact of my life.
• Philippines
1 Mar 07
first i will feel really sad and mad but i will be very sure to one thing he will never get to that again.....i leave him definitely there is no sense of staying in a relationship with out trust......
@joby_09 (498)
• Philippines
1 Mar 07
I think i'll go for an investigation. Perhaps i can talk to the girl and asked her what i want to know. Maybe you can confirm from her if she have really kept this thing from your husband. If yes, maybe you can proceed to the paternity test. If the results of the tests show that your husband is really the father, i guess you just have to accept it. Anyway, the child was the result of a "one night stand"(And i think there's no love on that). I guess you just to trust your husband BUT you should also be cautious of the things he CAN do. =)
2 people like this
@aprilgrl (4460)
• United States
1 Mar 07
I would be very hurt.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Mar 07
You need to stand behind him and be supportive. Tes he should of told youwhy he was going out of state. It was bigger shock for him..At least he is will to take a test to see if he is the father. If he is make sure he gets visitation. It will be hard on you also knowing he has a child from a one night stand. But give the child the support he needs. You never know sometimes the child likes the step better than their own mom.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Mar 07
I would be very upset because the fact is that he still lied about something. Where was he going on the weekends and what was his excuse when he started doing this? I think that there were plenty of opportunities to have a discussion about it with his wife. I would definitely be re-thinking that relationship!
1 person likes this
@paidreader (5151)
• United States
1 Mar 07
If I had to find out that way I would be furious! Luckily, my husband told me before we were married, that he MIGHT have a child, but didn't know for sure. It wasn't til after 5 or 6 years into the marriage that we both found out for sure that he did have a son. For me personally, it really did make a big difference being warned ahead of time. I just don't understand why he couldn't share this part of his life with his wife. Where's the trust in their relationship?
@cutebaby4 (196)
• India
1 Mar 07
First i will ask why he did like this.. if he really accept his mistake i will try to change him otherwise ask him to take the child home not to see it secretly but he likes another women a lot more than me i will go away from him ....
1 person likes this
@rndistgg (109)
• United States
1 Mar 07
The problem here is...When he DID find out, why didn't he let his wife in on the news? I know it's big news but if they're married it is now his wife's problem, too. To my understanding, he was flying out of state for quite a few weekends to visit his kid that he just found out about. As soon as he found out he should have told his wife and they both could have went down there together, had the paternity test and then should it be his kid, arrange visitations or a court date should he choose to do so. There should never be any secrets between them especially such an important one.
1 person likes this
@Joey322 (272)
• United States
1 Mar 07
um, this is hard b/c i would have lived in this world thinking that i was the only one who had a child with my husband and that's a very, very special bond. i don't think i'd be mad, but i would be upset that that bond was somehow less special. i know that we would work through it, but it would be a bit of a blow. now, i would, however, expect him to tell me everything right from the get-go. he better not sneak around about anything. whether he is sure it's his or not, i don't care...if he starts sneaking around about it, like this guy did, then that's when i would be majorly ticked off! my husband told me when we were just dating that an ex girlfriend had had an abortion without telling him. (we were discussing children and exes etc.) and i must admit, that even though i could tell that he was very sad that this girl did that, i was a bit relieved that he was childless. i can handle baggage, but i'd rather not, ya know?? take care:)
• Canada
1 Mar 07
Honestly, if the child was a product of a one night stand before my partner and I even met, I would not have the right to feel violated. They didn't share a loving relationship, nor did he cheat. However, I would be upset that he didn't feel able to trust me enough to tell me this as soon as he found out. If my partner was travelling to a different state every other weekend and not telling me the reason he was going, I think I would have followed him too - especially if I had suspicions that he was cheating on me. However, if the case was that he has another child from a one night stand before we even met, I would welcome that child with open arms. How could I not?
1 person likes this