He said she said

@Kaeli72 (1229)
United States
February 28, 2007 8:56pm CST
I have two children who are 18 months apart. Right now, they are in 4th and 5th grade. What really irks me is when they fight out of my line of sight and I hear screaming, yelling, banging, thuddings and eventually, crying. When I come upon the scene of drama, one of them would be in tears and the other one would be scowling. I'll ask, "What on earth happened here?!?!" They'll both point to each other and say that the other one started it. When I scold one in particular, they would tell me that the other is more guilty. When one gets punished more than the other (usually following the evidence of one being wounded and the other one isn't) the one that has the punishement laid out screams, "You ALWAYS do this to me. How come you don't punish him/her!?" How would I judge these things fairly minus turning my back all together on the situation or punishing them both?
1 person likes this
3 responses
seamonkey
@seamonkey (1976)
• Ireland
1 Mar 07
I think it is the nature of the beast. One of my favorite sayings is, "I can't referee in reverse!". I tend to go with my gut, and am satisfied that in the end it probably all evens out in terms of fairness.
1 person likes this
mfpsassy
@mfpsassy (2827)
• United States
1 Mar 07
I have two girls born exactly 2 years apart. I have learned through the years that if they can not tell me what happened they are both in equal amount of trouble. Mine are 13 and 11. This method I have found actually works well.
Kaeli72
@Kaeli72 (1229)
• United States
1 Mar 07
My ex used to do that and I couldn't stand it. Because if I did that, I'd get the, "You're always punishing me for what s/he did! I didn't do it..." and more whining ensues. *le sigh*
mfpsassy
@mfpsassy (2827)
• United States
1 Mar 07
Yes I get that to and like I tell my kids if they weren't fighting in the first place niether one would be in trouble. Might I suggest some earplugs for the times they begin to whine lololol
MissMo
@MissMo (170)
• United States
1 Mar 07
I think that you should punish both of them when they do that. I realize that they are children, but that behavior is really immature and there really is no way for you to choose sides when you didn't see what happened. So I think that the only really fair thing that you can do is either punish neither or both of them. If nothing else, maybe it will teach them not to fight at all, regardless og who started it.