Am I Wrong To Go Out??

Canada
March 1, 2007 8:06am CST
I know that I don't feel that the following is wrong in any way, shape or form, but someone in my family really ragged me out for it last night and I guess this is just my way to vent :) I am planning to go out for the weekend of my birthday this month. My birthday actually falls on a Friday, so I'm going out for Friday and Saturday night, and will be home Sunday afternoon. It is my 26th birthday. The problem that my family member is having with this, is that my babysitter is 16 years old. She is a cousin of mine, and is well beyond her years. My two children love her and she is extremely good with them. My mother lives right next door and will be checking in from time to time, and I will be making the suppers ahead to save the babysitter the trouble. I will be calling to check in as well. Is this something that I really shouldn't do? I mean, I've been a mom since 5 days before my 19th birthday, I've made my fair share of sacrifices without complaint for my children, as we should. But I haven't done it because it's the 'right thing to do', I've done it all because I love my children. So is it really so bad that I can go out and just be a 26 year old woman for a simple weekend? Please feel free to speak your mind. I know what I feel already, but would love to hear what others have to say on this matter. Thank you all :)
15 people like this
47 responses
@beaniegdi (1964)
1 Mar 07
Could they not stay with your mother if she is so close? It does seem a shame when you want a weekend away on your own but lots of people would think 16 too young to have this responsibility. I only ever went out one evening and had to leave mine with a 16 year old, my childern where much older thn yours, about 8 and 10, the girl over the road from me had been coming in my house since we first moved in, I'd known her about 4 years. She used to come and play with my children and they thought the world of her, I knew her mum, the area we lived in was really nice and quiet. So when her mum said now she was 16 she was starting babysitting for extra money. I thought this was great because I knew her, liked her, trusted her, I paid her and gave her money to get video and pizza. I ws out from about 7.30 or 8 until about 10.30 or so. When I cme home and she had gone I realised that she had s tolen money, about £20, she had been through all my drawers, in all my personal stuff, she had taken face masks and shampoos. She must have thought I wouldn't realise as she obviously thought I had so many things but these where th ings I had only just boutht and the money was change from paying the milk man before I wne out and t he change I had put on a h ight shelf for safety, so she probably just thought it had been left there overlooked. She had also hit one of my boys. She had had one her friends in with her and when I asked if she had left her friend on her own at all she said no, dropping herself in it as I was hoping her friend had done it and she hadn't known. Could the family member who is worrying about the babysitters age not stay at your house to mind the children?
• Canada
1 Mar 07
Hey. Yes, it is more reasonable to leave the kids with my mom, but unfortunately she will not babysit for me. As for the family member that is growling at me, she lives in a different province than me or I would for sure ask her to do it, knowing that she would love the opportunity to do so. The girl I have babysitting is my cousin, and she is very well behaved and knows that she would have to deal with not only me but her mother if she ever wronged me, but there are alot of cases out there that people do get fooled by the babysitter and they get robbed etc. I am sorry to hear that you were one of them. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. :)
@mnflower (1300)
• United States
1 Mar 07
I do not think that you are doing wrong at all, for you have the childrens welfare in mind and all aspects covered with a relative to babysit and grandma right next door making meals...I think that it is healthy that you would want to get out and let your hair down so to speak for the weekend, and happy birthday also hope that you take this time and regroup and enjoy yourself, this will make your return much more pleasurable and relaxed
2 people like this
• Canada
1 Mar 07
Thank you for the birthday wishes. I will 'let my hair down' while I am out..lol I try to let loose every time I go out because I know that it feels so great to just be 26 for a night or two. Thanks so much for responding :)
1 person likes this
• China
2 Mar 07
well,I do not think you are doing wrong at all either.
2 people like this
• United States
1 Mar 07
Well, I would tell the family member ragging on you to stop complaining and help out if they are so concerned. It wouldn't kill them to help out for a few nights. I don't see this as a dangerous situation for your kids with your mother next door.
2 people like this
• Canada
1 Mar 07
If my family member was in my province, she would definitely be the first one to take them, but seeing as she's not, I listen to this everytime I go out..regardless of the length of time. She's very old fashioned and it just really p*sses me off. Thanks so much for responding :)
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Mar 07
Well, I wouldn't sweat it to much. Just tell them less about what you are doing and you won't have to hear it as much. Have a wonderful birthday and be safe.
@linda345 (2661)
• Canada
1 Mar 07
I think you are doing the right thing. It is not like you are doing it every weekend. It is healthy for a single Mom to get some alone time. It is hard to find that when you are buy yourself. If you are stuck in the house by yourself how to you get to meet people. Tell this person, to stop sticking here nose where it doen't belong and have a few shots of screech for me. Happy Birthday.
2 people like this
• Canada
1 Mar 07
Hey. I will have ONE shot of screech..that's all I can promise..lol. I'm actually planning to be initiated so I'll be kissing the cod too! Some find this disgusting, but it's all in good fun...and I'll drink alot beforehand so that I don't mind at all..lol. Thanks for responding :)
1 person likes this
• Canada
1 Mar 07
As an afterthought...I don't get to meet people, and I'm a social butterfly..I love to be around people and this solitude thing is just the worst possible situation for someone like me...but I make the best of it when possible :)
1 person likes this
@conisi (4)
• India
2 Mar 07
Look my frnd you already have done it or planning for it? Two ways are there..... 1.if you done it than don't take tension......just relax......... 2.If you planning plz think for ou child......... you r d only person to take care of them....... So if possible move with them....... Just think yourself ........ when you were in that age,how do ou fill if your mother move out putting you on a babysitter's hand........ now is your decision........ be sensative for them not for yourself....... bcaz you r the mother.......
2 people like this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
I am planning it, and I plan to have a great time. My children know that I will be gone for a weekend and are already planning out games to play with their cousin for those 2 days..lol. I'm not 'moving out'..I'm just going out for the weekend and I'll be back on Sunday. Thanks so much for responding :)
1 person likes this
@addysmum (1225)
• Canada
1 Mar 07
I say go out have fun, my only concern is that you have a 16 year old watching the kids. Not that she may get into trouble or neglect the kids but that 16 year olds are not equipped to deal with things that can come up with kids. Having your mother close by makes things better but still maybe you should have found a more adult person for an over night with the kids. Maybe even your kids going to a friends for a sleep over. As far as you going out, it's time to find your non-mom side again, have lots of fun.
2 people like this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
Thank you for responding. I will have lots of fun :) Thanks again
• United States
1 Mar 07
Well i am 25 years old as of this jan 25. last year on feb 24th i had my daughter and last year on dec 30th i had my 3rd kid and all this time i have had my 16 year old sister watching my kids i think as long a you trust the babysitter and your mom is near by do it, EVERYONE needs a break once in a while...
• Canada
1 Mar 07
I agree 100%..no matter what the situation, EVERYONE needs a break! It's not healthy to be cooped up all the time. Thanks for responding :)
1 person likes this
@Michele21 (3093)
• United States
1 Mar 07
I know how you feel, I had my daughter right when I turned 19 so I feel like I misses out on alot. They are your kids and you know if the baby-sitter can take care of them for two days. With your mother being so close I wouldn't worry, if anything happens she can be over there quickly. I say relax and have a good weekend birthday celebration!! I ubderstand all the sacrifices because I have made the sames ones =)
2 people like this
• Canada
1 Mar 07
Thanks. There are alot of things that we sacrifice as young mothers...for one, our life! No more going out whenever, no more sleeping in, even on the weekends etc. These are small sacrifices, but we make them all the same.
1 person likes this
@Fishish (696)
• India
1 Mar 07
i too am your age.26 is too young for u to be locked inside your house. iu mean no one doubts your love for your kids but then u have a life too. you are a young girl! u should go out and that too for your birthday. i think it is the right thing to do, you have to have fun sometimes and take a break from the kids. they are the most important part of your life but they arent all that there is in your life. there is 'you' in your life. and a good outing refreshes the mind and body, u feel rejuvinated..go out and have fun...hop u can. allt he best!
2 people like this
• Canada
1 Mar 07
Thank you. I do indeed feel rejuvenated after going out. Sitting here looking at these 4 walls every day makes me feel like I am dying. The nights I get to go out, I'm alive and I come home feeling better about it all.
1 person likes this
@kimmy716 (24)
• United States
1 Mar 07
It is your birthday for heaven's sake! I think you should be able to celebrate. Sixteen is young for a weekend babysitter, but age is such a relative thing. Some sixteen year olds are extremely wild and some are unbelievably mature. As long as it's someone you can trust, I think you're doing the right thing. Plus, if an emergency happened, your mother is right there. It sounds as if your children are going to be safe and happy, and that's the most important thing!
2 people like this
• United States
1 Mar 07
Well personally, if you trust the babysitter and know her well, and if the kids like her. I don't see what the huge deal is. Your mom lives close by, she'll be checking in, you'll be checking in, you'll have food ready..I mean you have everything mapped out. It seems like you're right on track, so why is it such a big deal to go out?
2 people like this
• United States
1 Mar 07
I say... you will be wrong, wrong, wrong, if you let someone else dictate how you parent. You know your kids and you know your cousin, so if you are comfy leaving your kids for a weekend, have fun and be safe!!! I am a 33-year-old mom, my son is 13, my girls are 8 & 10. I know what it means to be a young mom, too. My kids spend 6 to 8 weeks every summer in Nebraska, 1500 miles away, and they have been doing it for 6 years. My best friend thinks it's wrong that I am away from them for so long. Here's what I think. If I don't let them go, they won't get to see those family members, my youngest daughters great-grandparents are still alive but they won't be for very many more summers, so the kids need to spend some time with them when they can. Also, the kids cousins are growing up fast, and they will be going off to college or whatever. Family is important to me and my kids, so I let them go. It is also a break for them so they don't have to deal with me and my shortcomings. As far as a weekend, my kids would probably go spend the weekend with friends. Kids do still have slumber parties, I should know, I just had 6 girls here a few weekends ago. I know I got waaaaay off subject, but I am right: only you should parent your kids. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!!!
• United States
1 Mar 07
I ran on with my babbling and I forgot very important things... First, are your kids ok with you splittin for the weekend??? Their opinion is the most important one (besides yours) in this whole discussion. Second, make sure your kids have a number for you so they can call to confirm you're coming back (flashback from when my 8 yr old was 4). I am sure you wouldn't go if it caused distress for them. You should let your family member know that their behavior might cause your kids unnecessary misgivings about your excursion.
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
Thank you very much for responding. Ok, I'll start with the most important question here.. The kids are excited to be able to spend a weekend with their cousin. They don't get to see her often and really enjoy her company. She does alot for them and pretty much spoils them rotten..lol..within boundaries of course. As for letting someone else tell me how to parent, it's just not going to happen..lol. It just really ticked me off and I needed to vent, and what better place to do that then MyLot! :D I told her tonight that as long as those children are well fed, dressed and otherwise in great overall condition, as they are, then that is all she had to be concerned with. I set some rules out for her, which she scoffed at..lol..but they will stick or the contact will just be broken..I refuse to be miserable and get scolded at 25 years old. And I agree that letting your children go away to see family. Family is very important...as long as their nose isn't poking too far into business..lol. Thanks so much for responding. I really enjoyed reading your post. And thank you for the birthday wishes :)
• United States
2 Mar 07
I am curious about whether you are married and divorced or have always been a single mom. It really doesn't affect whether or not you should go out. It does affect your mother. If you are a 2 time unwed mother, most mom's would be troubled by this. You also don't say if you're going to be alone or having a weekend with a boyfriend. This would affect your mother also. Then you don't say how much responsibility your mom already takes on for the care of your children. It is possible in this situation that your mother fears a 3rd child will be coming that will impact her life and lifestyle even more. Too many questions here to give you a straight up answer. You are entitled to some time away from your children. You are not entitled to expect your mother to be their mother or to be a babysitter to your babysitter. At sixteen well beyond her years could mean mature or it could mean she dates men in their 20's. Not a judgement here because I really have too little information to give a final answer.
• Canada
2 Mar 07
Ok, well my mom lives next door..please read the discussion in it's entirety. As for your other questions, I'm a single mother, always have been and really think it's great. My mother does NOTHING for me except the occasional drive to a grocery store. This has absolutely NOTHING to do with my mother except that she lives next to me and comes in once in a while to make sure all is good here while I'm out. And as for the 3rd child, one night out isn't saying that I'm going around screwing everything with a d*ck! It really ticks me off that you assume and you don't read anything before posting a reply. PLEASE read discussions!
@Sissygrl (10912)
• Canada
2 Mar 07
I think that you should go out :) stop worrying about that certain family member, she has had a chance to raise many children of her own and has done a pretty good job, but these children are YOURS! Do with them what you wish without feeling guilty. If you feel comfortable with leaving your kids with your cousin then its ok, plus your mom is right next door if she needs any help, and you deserve it! GO out and HAVE a Ball :) wish i was coming with you to celebrate ;) Have some drinks for me :)
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
I will have lots of drinks for you..lol I'll even get a picture of me drinking them for you..and oh hell, I'll go all out and hold a sign saying, "Chicken, this one's for you!" :P But yeah, I'm going out regardless of what she says, just because she didn't do these things way back when, doesn't mean that I can't do them now :)
@tushari (20)
• India
2 Mar 07
hi candygurl. what you are asking is absolutely right in your own way. but yes there is a big but thats right that the baby sitter is there and she is being checked and your parents are just next door to look after but what if your parents too have to leave in emergency god forbid some mishappening or some urgency than what will u do? now how can you be sure of priorities of your baby sitter though she is your cousin.dont mind if she is beyond her age than might be her interests too are like that. i think you can understand that i mean if you need space might be its agood chance for her too have gud space and than negligence and anything can happened. actually same thing happened with me n my siblings when we were left home with one of the baby sitters coz both of my parents were working. we got hungry food used to be there in electrichotcase servant was busy watching tv and three of us went in the kithen as cook wasnt there icidently. i became ghora and my brother stood onmy back than my sister and she tried to switch it on and you can guess what happened next she lost balance and felldown not alone but with elecrtic hotcase there was blast but servant was engrossed watchin tv neighbours gathered and they helped us by the grace of god nothing happened to us. but it was a narrow escape. no doubt you have sacrificed all these years for them but dear let them also go with you so that even you can enjoy your bday. anyways happy bday.
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
Well I highly doubt that child welfare will look at me having a legal aged babysitter who is extremely responsible and wouldn't have anyone in here because of the fact that my mom checks in often. BUT they would indeed take my children very quickly for taking them to the next town and taking them bar hopping..lol. See my point? And thanks for the birthday wishes :)
• United States
2 Mar 07
I think all should be fine. If you trust this person to take care of your children, then who cares what others say about it. You are the mother it is your choice. I hope you have a great bithday, is it this weekend?
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
My birthday actually isn't until March 30th, which FINALLY is on a Friday..lol. But the reason I posted this so early is that the relative asked what I was planning to do for that night, so I told her, when I should've just shut up..lol. But yeah, thanks for responding and for the birthday wishes. :)
@marie27 (62)
• United States
2 Mar 07
well there is nothing wrong with going out..i wish i could go out i have literally not stepped out the house to have fun in years.hell i haven't been allowed to go outside for anything..thanks to my husband.but is ur cousin a responsible teen? does she have good patience? will she get upset to easily with ur kids? being a mother is very stressful u need ur time alone n sum time to have fun. happy birthday and have a good time
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
She is a very responsible teen, has amazing patience and spoils them (to a point). Thanks for the birthday wishes :)
@LindaLou (483)
• Canada
2 Mar 07
No way, there's nothing wrong with you taking one special weekend for yourself, especially when it sounds like you're doing everything in your power to ensure that things go smoothly and are taken care of in your absence, including regular check-ins by phone. I'm sure that having your Mom there will give you great peace of mind as well. You deserve to have some free time to yourself and you will be a better Mother because of it. Your mental well-being can only contribute to theirs. Plus, it is good for them to realize that Mom is a separate person of her own and needs to do things for herself once in awhile. Just because you're a Mom doesn't mean you can't have any fun on your own or go out with friends once in awhile. Don't pay any mind to the nay-sayers. I really can't imagine what they could be objecting to. You GO girl and have a GREAT weekend! Happy Birthday!
• Canada
2 Mar 07
Thanks so much for responding :) I don't pay them any mind seeing as how I'm the one that has final say in anything to do with my children...thank god for that. Otherwise I'd never be able to leave the house..lol. Thanks for the birthday wishes, and I will be sure to have a great weekend. :)
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7579)
• Canada
2 Mar 07
I took time to read your post twice and it sounds to me that you're not only a good mom but you're very organized. I know you want to get away and I truly believe you deserve to celebrate your birthday. With all the crap that goes on I am however concerned about your cousins age. If you say she's reliable than NO DOUBT she is reliable. Please check as to what the laws are in your area. In a case of emergency that something does go bad, make darn sure my dear that because of your cousins age that you won't stand a chance of having your kids taken away, that would be so not worth a weekend away. Cover your bases before leaving. Have a great Birthday candygurl. Birthday hugs from grandmaof2 [HUGS]
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
Thank you very much grandmaof2. The legal age here is 16, I have already checked..lol. You are very right, nothing would be worth having my children taken away. Without them I would be nothing really. Thank you for the birthday wishes *hugs*
• United States
2 Mar 07
When I was 16, I did many overnight babysitting jobs. Your mom is right next door, you say this 16 year old is a responsible young lady and reliable. How old are your children? I really do not see a problem here myself.
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Mar 07
My children are 4 and my oldest will be 7 exactly 5 days before I have my birthday. She is a very mature young woman and has been babysitting for years. Her mother is a strict woman and makes sure that her children are well raised. I have complete faith in my cousin to take care of my children, as she has before. It was only over night 1 night before, and I was home at noon the next day, but she is fabulous with the children and takes care of them as if they were her own. :)
1 person likes this