Why Is It That Some Parents Can't Recognize That's It's Time To Stop "Parenting"

It might be a little over the top, but it's certainly not abusive. The fact is, a 21 year old who is living with their parents is not likely paying rent at fair market value and is likely getting a pretty good deal. Unless you have your own phone line and are paying the phone bill yourself, it is completely reasonable for the parents to want to have access to their own phone whenever they need it and to keep a clean house. Parents don't just stop being parents because their kids reach a certain age. Parents are always parents. Even when their kids have kids of their own. If you want to cut the cord, then move out. If not, you have to live with their rules. Rent or no, it is still their house.

I am 28 now and same problem I am facing. My parents are not ready to accept that I'm grown up now and can stand on my feet and make decisions for myself . They still think I'm a child who needs to be in protection always . I am mom's boy ,so mom doesn't even allow me to take a single decision according to my wish.

I would not call it abusive. But, you will always be a child to your parents, even when you are a grandmother. However, because you live at home, even though you are contibuting, they may regard you not as a full adult. Perhaps once you are able to get out on your own, they will be different to you. Have you tried talking to them?

move out and have the life you want without having your parents talk with you like that. respect is earned. but if you live in your parents house, there should be some kind of respect for both sides, at the same time, where would you be if they did not let you stay there?

Browneyedgirl, I am not trying to be rude or anything, but what they are asking isn't too much. Someone else said it their house their rules. I was a parent at the age of 18 and didn't live with my parents but had to move in with them for a short period of time when my child got ill because I needed someone to stay with her when I work that knew how to give her, her breathing treatments. That didn't last long though, because my parents and I have different views on how to raise children. If you want to be taken seriously you have to take yourself seriously and get your own place. If its about money, there are programs like Section 8 that can help or Public Housing. Section 8 though the waiting lists are long are the better way to go. Because you can rant a house based on your income and not just an apartment or you can rent an apartment if you'd like anywhere in the county. Where Public Housing is good if you need something right away, but there are down sides to some Public Housing communities. So I suggest since your parents do let you stay there for rent signing up for section 8 and let them base your rent off your income. Depending on where you live you'll save hundreds maybe in thousands. My neice is on Section 8 she works a full time job, just doesn't make alot Her rent is $175.00 a month for a two bedroom all ulities are paid. Not bad if you ask me. I wish I only had to pay that. But there are solutions and the way you get treated is how you project yourself. Actions speak volumes and you have to take actions to show that you are an adult now. Parents will always treat you like a kid, you are their kid. And untill you can support yourself without their help they will continue to treat you like a kid. Sorry but its the truth. When get what we project and what are actions show others how responsible we are.

The solution is easy. Get your own place if you don't have one and if they try to tell you how to live in your own place then explain to them that its your place and though you don't mean any disrespect they should give you the respect you deserve while in YOUR place.

I would look for somewhere else to live or at least buy a mobile phone

I wouldn't say it is abusive, nevertheless, if that's how they are then I doubt anything will change that. The best advice I can give is for you to talk to your parents and discuss the matter. You are 21 and that is a good age for them to start treating you like the adult you are especially when you are paying rent and other things as well. In the alternative, you can have a phone line put into your room with your own phone number and you take care of that bill and therefore no one will be able to tell you when you can and can't use the phone. Although it may be more affordable to stay at home with your parents, if none of these options work then, you may want to deal with it and do your best to save up some money over the next six months to a year and then get your own place. Start with something small that you can afford and move up from there. Best of luck to you!