March 2, 2007 5:29pm CST
When do you leave the past behind.......... Last year i met up with an old flame and instantly i felt this buzz between us (he was my first love). i guess it didn't help that my marriage was at an all time low. Anyway we met back up by chance bout two months later and after many drinks ended up having a long chat at a bar. He then told me he still loved me, that i was the reason he left the country for 15/16 years and i was the only one he would have come back for and one drunken kiss followed. A few text followed, nothing serious but suddenly i couldn't get him out of my mind. But I tried to put it behind me and went to marriage counselling which didn't help at all. My huband and i have decided to separate and life has been pretty miserable for the last few months. i have been having counselling myself which will continue until the separation is complete. However, only when i knew it was over i resumed texting this guy and on a couple of occasions we had text s*x, but never the real thing (we never did when we were together either as i was very young). to cut a long story short my husband found my diary and of course now the blame is on me for breaking up the marriage, i'm just a b**ch and he has told everyone I have been cheating on him which is not strictly true. i told him about the kiss many months ago and answered anything he asked me truthfully. Now everyone thinks I'm the reason for the end of my marriage when in fact it was 5 years on hard drinking on his part and all the moods, tempers, insults etc. that go hand in hand with drinking. but that's all forgotten about now, it's just all my fault. i don't want my old flame dragged into this, husband assures me that he will "get" him. i never told anyone the full extent of his drinking and haven't even now, as I didn't want my darling beautiful girl hurt by any of this and hoped we could be civil for her sake (she's only 5) I think i just latched onto this attention at a low point in my life, i don't even know if there would be anything between us it's been like 20 years since we were together for God's sake, and i hurt him badly when I ended it. Life is just such a mess.........
2 Mar 07
What do you want to do? Get back together again? Is he willing really? Remember a lot of things may changed with him.How about you? if you where not in a low point in your marriage would you have felt the way you did when you saw him again? Sure you are not on the rebound? My advise is that you sort out yourself first before complicating issues with a new relationship so soon when you are barely out of one.
3 Mar 07
thanks hestee, I've no idea what i want to do with regard to the old flame. i discussed this at length with my counsellor and you know if something happens it happens. My main priority is to find a nice house for myslef and my daughter now, and get both of us settled. All i want is for her to be happy and not afriad every time somebody close to her picks up a drink. So I'll be concentrating on that for now, and if something happens in the future well we'll see then i guess. My main gripe at the moment is how i am being cast as the "scorned woman" when really I haven't done all that much long. I have felt so low and so alone for a long time now and if he and i exchanged a few texts every now and then it just boosted me up, you know made me smile and that alone was worth it to me.