I believe in a keeping a backup plan but a backup Man?

Thinking about the little we know of the position, I won't say, your position. What is the real problem I wonder? Is it about being secure under the roof? Having invested in "things" that make the place home? Is it that one of you has a yearning for kids? If you have a back-up man, you can't deny him the same facility, so do you wonder if he has that one sorted? Is the lack of total commitment, what is really at the heart of your discomfort? Can you feel his lack of commitment, or he yours? Is the address more important than his faults? Or could you walk away with your bags, heart and pride intact? Do you really believe you'd be happy with B.U.M. or is he just a comforter for your ego? Why do you need B.U.M.? Are you expecting to be the victim? What would being the victim mean? What would you have really lost,and what would you have gained? There isn't a simple answer, because you are trying to cover all the angles, when the only angle is in your heart. If your heart leaves you too vulnerable, then you have to just keep covering the angles. It's not about what or who is wrong or right.

Honestly its a tough call...part of me thinks well if you are feeling that insecure or uneasy about your relationship then why are you bothering...I mean if 9mths later you are still feeling that insecure dread then IMO something just isnt "there" between the two of you ya know...BUT the other part of me thinks "well I can understand that insecurity thing and haveing a b.u.m isnt all that bad of an idea really....but then I go back to "why are you still there?"....So ya for me its a really tough call..I am kinda sitting on the fence with it ya know..But i have to ask (naturally you dont have to answer)...Why ARE you still together? I mean mentally and emotionally it sounds like you really arent happy ya know but are just goin through the motions if that makes sense...Is there a fear (in you) of being alone so you are settling so to speak and are just kidding yourself that this man is THE ONE? Sorry if thats nosey or rude I certainly dont mean to offend by any means..

If a man were my fiance, I wouldn't need a BUM. But if there's no true commitment, then why not?

that is insane, i mean how can you be engaged to one man but if it does not work out you just move on to another man. that is not fair to the men or yourself. I think you are being very selfish. I have heard of having a back up plan incase your engangement does not work out, but that would consist of having your own money stashed away and a place to go, why would you even think about going to another man unless you truely do not want to be with you fiance? just my opinion i didn't mean to sound so harsh.

I would not keep a back up man -- this is wrong for the man waiting. What kind of man kicks you out of your home -- arguments are to be resolved not throw the one you love into the street. I think you need to evaluate the situation and determine if this man is worth your time, if not move on. Best of luck