Just dont know what to do ?????

United States
March 4, 2007 11:29am CST
Recently my Husband found a new comp game and his best friend likes it as well. The game is Eudemons and it is an internet game that they play together. Since he found this game he wont do anything else. He has decided that our 4 year old son should take over all of his chores, he doesnt spend time with the family at all any more, exept to eat but I have never seen him eat so fast. The last few weeks are like I am single again. I am soo tempted to take a baseball bat to the computer you have no idea. My van is torn apart in the shop, the wood never gets hauled over so I have to send my boy to go down to the shed and get it a couple of pieces at a time. I have been pretty sick lately and he is no help. For a month now I ahve been laid up not being able to do much of anything. The docs have narrowed it down to 4 posibilities but I need more tests, like I havent done enough already. I cant take it any more and dont know what to do. I have told him, begged him, asked him, demanded him and yet he doesnt seem to think anything else is important. I dont know what to do. Aperently we arent fun enough for him. We just enoy and distract him from what he realy wants. Someboby please tell me you have been through this and he will grow out of it. We have 3 toddlers, I had to grow up why wont he.
4 people like this
20 responses
• Canada
4 Mar 07
Wow you sound really hurt by this. Having to take care of everything while you are sick. Maybe he is afraid of what is wrong with you, why your unhealthy and this is the way he copes with it. Playing so much of the game shows hes addicted to it. I love all kinds of things but sometimes I get ecited about one thing and do it all day long when it's new but it wears off eventually. If you belive in God you can pray about it. Talk to a marage councelor to get some advice maybe. Take up a new hobbe your self. Like reading or crafts, doing suduku puzzles.
• United States
4 Mar 07
Oh yes do I belive in God and I have been praying but this has gotten way out of control, this is not the first time this has happened. He seems to grasp on to anything that escapes reality. He chose to marry me, granted we did not decide to have 3 kids in 4 yeasr but we did and now we need to take care of them and love them, not sit on a computer and ignore the fact that he helped make them too. I am so sick of this argument with him. Its the only one we have but we have it often. I have tried doing other thing to pass the time but taking care of 3 toddlers by myself take up all the time and energy. I love my husband very much but I cant handle this any more.
1 person likes this
• Canada
5 Mar 07
My heart goes out to you hun. Big hugs for you. I will pray for you.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Mar 07
Thanks
@mollylee (14)
• Australia
5 Mar 07
You don't mention if his mate has a wife. But if he does she is going through the same thing as you. They would both realise how drastic the situation has become if you both move in together after kicking one or the other out. You can suggest they both share a house and play till their hearts content and till they both grow up you wives will lean on each other and they will have to support you both or you both apply for single parent assistance.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Mar 07
CAn you please read the topic again, I think you might have miss understood. Thanks
@Gwapako_28 (2140)
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
My goodness.Thats awful.You need to talk to him and let him know how you feel.And remind all his responsibilities and obligations since he is not single anymore!
• United States
5 Mar 07
Tried it, hasnt worked yet
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
4 Mar 07
Oh dear I feel for you. Wish I was closer, I'd come over and first kick your hubby in the behind and they help you a little. But, as that's not an option I will try to encourage you - he may never grow up but eventually he will tire of the game and until he gets caught on another you may have him back for a bit. I'm sure you have tried talking to him but that just interrupted his play time - how about one of his friends? Is there someone such as his friend who also plays the game you could talk to who may in turn talk to your husband? Sometimes guys take things better by example rather than being called on their fault. How about signing up for the game yourself and with prayer maybe you could kick his behind on the game and he would quit really quick - they hate being beaten by a women :) Pray, Pray, Pray :) I'm with you in heart and spirit.
• United States
4 Mar 07
Well I am afraid that this is a little more deep seeded than that. When we decided to get married I we discused the fact that his best friend has no interest in spending time with his family and that if he thought that was the way to be I didnt want any part of it. He promised me that he would alway make time for us. Now he plays this game with his best friend and they laugh together that I hate it. I even tried learning the game so we could have some time together but he wants it all for himself. He comes home from work, and plays till he goes to bed, onweekends he plays pretty much from the time he gets up till bed. We made an agreement a while back that he could do whatever he wanted on sat all day long without me saying a word just as long as sunday was a family day and I got to get out on friday nights after the kids go to bed. This isnt an unreasonable thing and should be prety easy to stick to but wouldnt you know its sunday and he played all morning and now he is gone, with his friend. I am so angry today I cant stand to look at him and he doesnt think there is anything to be abgry about. I am tired of being sick, If I had a car and I felt a little better I would take the kids to the park or something but I cant I have to just sit here and listen to the stupid game. My thought right now is that he is on his own, I am not cooking for him or doing anything for him, is this too extreem?
1 person likes this
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
4 Mar 07
Yes, that does make it more difficult- I don't think your idea is extreme. I mean if a 4 year old is having to haul wood while his adult father sits on his bottom playing games there is something wrong. Could simply say "you don't have to do anything why should I". Of course this could lead to other problems but a month of this and you being ill is not right.
1 person likes this
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
4 Mar 07
Ok, have to add a true story in relationship to my suggestion of you playing the game. A couple years ago my youngest son was hooked on a game (he's on a new one now) but he got all his friends to sign up too. Eventually it was all over school and there were tons of students playing the game - the tech department actually had to ban the game from the school computers because kids weren't doing their work they were playing this game. Well, one of the girls at school signed up and ended up creaming my son, he was so angry he said he was never going to play it again (and he hasn't). He did however end up going out with the young lady who beat him a few months later. She confessed her older brother helped her alot on the game.
1 person likes this
@pelo26 (1552)
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
That's bad. Maybe you should invite him to a councilor so that he would feel ashamed of what he is doing. Being married with kids is not a light responsibility and it would be too lowly to neglect it for some personal pleasures such as playing games. Goodness, he's son should be the one playing games.
• United States
5 Mar 07
LOL, I agree, he wont go to a counselor so I might have to break to comp !!!! Hehehe, I dont think I ealy could but I think about it all the time
@mschiqui (1284)
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
Oh, this is really a bad sitaution.. Addicted in game is very hard to stop.. But anyways, you should talk with your husband..Heart to heart talk..Tell him everything what is going on in your house, and marriage will not work if he continues to be addicted with his game..You should tell him that you are not againts his playing such game, but he should not also forget that he has a family to feed, love and enjoy.. Everything will be fine if you both talk things out.. And never forget to pray and offer that concern to God.. No one ever knows best for us than God.. I know everything will be alright, just be patience..God bless you!
• United States
5 Mar 07
What are pokey machines ???? I have been praying all morning that God would make him hear what I have to say. I love my hubby and he is wonderfull but when he finds a new game he plays it for months until he beats it then it feels like I ahve to get to know him all over again.
• Australia
5 Mar 07
Hello mischiqui, It seems to me that she would have talked, yelled, nagged, till he doesn't listen anymore. I suppose one blessing is that he is not addicted to the pokie machines. His mate's wife [if he has one] must be in the same situation.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Mar 07
i think it is time to give him an ultimatum. i am not a fan of this, but it seems that is the only answer. Talk to him...tell him how it makes you feel. If that doesn't mae a difference, go for the ultimatum. It may or may not work, but i think you are running out of options. Let him know you are not trying to get him to stop playing it completely, but that he needs to limit his game time...
• China
5 Mar 07
How now not is interested to the game to pull ,before also compareslikes ,now felt the game meaning had not know plays the game forany
• United States
5 Mar 07
?????? Im sorry I didnt understand.
@Lyrica (127)
• Canada
4 Mar 07
Oh goodness, my boyfriend is EXACTLY like your husband. He plays counterstrike with his group of friends and it was okay when he just played randomly. Now that he's part of a team and they're in some kind of league, he never stops *sigh*. I've tried playing the game before and while I'm decent at it, I feel like I shouldn't have to resort to joining him in the game in order for us to have some time together. And besides, that just encourages him to play more. Do either of you need internet for work? Because while it is a sacrifice on your part too, you could try cancelling your internet for a short time or calling your internet provider to ban the game. Since your children are young, they won't need the internet to do school work so it might be an option. He's a father and a husband for heaven's sake, he needs to wake up and take some responsibility. I'm sorry you have to go through this and I hope you get better soon.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Mar 07
Well I have told him that I am gonna cancel the internet but we would loose our phone. We have a phone line that runs through the interet and we live out in the country and this is our only option out here so its not an option. He knows that and I wont go without a phone out here with my kids. I have considered breaking the video card but we paid $120 for that thing and I can go breaking expensive stuff like that. I have also tried disconscting some of the cables to the compbut he figures it out to easy.
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
Sorry, but your husband sounds very immature, irresponsible, and insensitive, especially considering that you're having health problems. I stopped playing video games back in high school! A 4-year-old child is too young to be doing household chores! A man's top priority should be his family! If I were you I would give him a couple of weeks to outgrow it. If it only gets worse, I would divorce the hell out of him! It's just unacceptable! He shouldn't be married at all if he just wants to play games the whole day. Playing games is for kids.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Mar 07
I try to give him a little slack because when we got together I had a 1 year old. We got pregnant with our daughter the first time we had "relations". The first time we had "relations after I had her we got pregnant with our youngest. He went from being a foot loose fancy free bachelor to being a father of 3 in a year. I understand that this takes some getting used to so I try to be understanding but he doesnt relize that he isnt the only one having a hard time. I wouldnt trade my kids for the world, I love them so very much but it is quite a challenge haveing 2 less then a year apart and right now I have a 4 yr, 2yr, 1yr olds and I am tired. I try to be understanding but my understanding has run out. He needs to get used to it right quick and buck up !
@liranlgo (5752)
• Israel
4 Mar 07
your husband is a little boy like all men are:) let him play for a month or two and if you see that he wont stop tell him that you can not leave with him no more or create another complicated situation you will see that it works:) and about your 4 year old..he is experiancing somthing very good in his life..responsibility and feeling like he is the men in the house for a short while it can be a good experiance
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Mar 07
As I agree with you on the kids doing chores being responsible for hauling that much is just to much in my opinion. He is only 4 and that is a lot of wood to haul a long way. My kids do chores and we reward them for it and it does teach them good things but there has to be a line somewhere. I wish I was not sick any more then I wouldnt have to deal with him being like this. There isnt a whole lot I can do the way I am feeling so it seems I just have to sit and take it rather than leaving and doing my own thing.
@ryushin (39)
• Brazil
4 Mar 07
I had a friend with the same problem! But in that case it was the woman that was addicted to a game... She didn't do anything else than playing, everything else was just to "take time" until she was playing again. What we (her and his friends) did was to prove her that ingame life wasn't even near than real life, that his husband was missing her, her kids were missing her, and that she shouldn't spend so much time playing... DIDN'T WORK! After that, we tried something desperate... Her husband started to act as she was missing him, that she wouldn't have him near anymore as she didn't care about him... We continued playing with her ingame, but asking her how things were in her life, everytime she said "Ok", "it's all good", but she didn't know that we already knew the situation... We kept acting like that until she realized that she didn't have her husband with her anymore (we hoped that she still love him), and it worked... She started to try to repend her actions and turn to their family again ;) My advice is... Do you know the friends that your husband play with? Are they cool with you? If they are, try to talk to them, explaining your situation... I bet that they if they're nice people, they won't let things goes as they're going now... Good luck ;)
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Mar 07
His best friend is the one he plays with and he thinks I am bieng a B%@#$. He listens to no one. This is why I want to break the computer. Its the only thing that will get him away.
@mollylee (14)
• Australia
5 Mar 07
It seems to me that you need to get on with your own thing. Take the kids with you, feed them and yourself and move into another room. After 45 years of marriage which is made up of give and take from both sides [he like most men, did most of the taking] I found the best way to get my own way on issues that were important to me or for the kids, was to just let him live in a nunnery for a while. Men are governed by their bellies and what hangs from them and I believe all is far in marriage. I'm sorry that you are not well but many times if we are unhappy we become unwell.
• United States
5 Mar 07
Unfortunatley it isnt unhapyness that has made me sick. There are serious things wrong with me and being unhappy had nothing to do with them. I have been sick for a year and a half but only in the last month have I been sick enough for them to detect the problem.
• India
5 Mar 07
i think your husbund is wasting lot of time by playing the game. Just ask him to do any side business at the time .So you can earn more money. At the same time you can spend your time usefully
@katyzzz (2897)
• Australia
5 Mar 07
Talk to him just as you have spoken to us. Tell him to grow up, get rid of the permanent fixture of a friend, and say he must limit the time he spends playing games.
@shrekk (561)
• Pakistan
5 Mar 07
I really dont think its that big a deal, and it will go away if you make a little effort. It soudns like you haven't yet complained to him about it. Try it, rant and ravage, and in the end, cry if you can. I think your husband is one of those careless kinds and wil be cured this way
• Philippines
5 Mar 07
We are mostly in the same picture here.My husband is very into the pools game in the internet and he spend most of his time in front of the pc...but unlike your husband I can get him to stop and work a bit..but I can see he dont get enough sleep...and most of the chores are done by me and my kids..I am sorry for your situation..Why not tell him how you feel and tell him if he doesn't stop you'll leave him....He will realize your importance when you leave him. Hope I helped a bit.
@ronita34 (3922)
• Canada
5 Mar 07
I think that you need to have one more talk with him and tell him that if you already have to feel like a single mother and that if he does not smarte up you will be a single mother. You can not put up with this and you have to make him see and if he refuses to see than he has to go and i am not even joking as it proves that he cares about nothing but himself! Good luck and i have you in my prayers i sure hope your tests turn out ok. God Bless!!!
@cjthedog64 (1552)
• United States
5 Mar 07
That's a tough situation. My DH goes through phases like that with new games. He eventually gets tired of it after doing as much as he can with it. I do have to make it a point to remind "nag" him about things that need to get done. I can understand how tough it must be since you're sick and are taking care of 3 toddlers. You really need to have a sit down with him and get this worked out. My suggestion - don't tell him not to play the games at all, but find a time when it's ok for him - kids in bed or something, and agree on a time limit before he has to stop and do some stuff around the house.
• India
5 Mar 07
you can delete 2 or 3 dll files in that game's folder and the game won't run.This might stop him from playing the game but will turn him angry. Don't let find out that YOU deleted those fles otherwise things may go worse. This is what we hackers do. We don't leave traces. But hey, I'll pray for you. I never in my life thought that gaming may go SO WORSE! Don't Worry †Jesus Loves You†