Do you tell your kids one thing in public and another in private?
By Angelika1972
@Angelika1972 (189)
United States
March 5, 2007 2:35pm CST
For example, I was called to the school because my son had been fighting with another boy.
At school, in front of the principal, I had to give him the "It's not appropriate to fight, yadda yadda" speech.
When we got home, it was a different story. I knew the boy he had fought with. The other boy was ALWAYS in trouble and he'll be in prison before he's 21 if you ask me.
At home, I told my son he needs to pick the location and time of his fights better, LOL. The boy lived near some of our family members so we saw the boy often outside of school. I told him "If you HAVE to fight, do it at home. Not at the school or bus stop. And don't ever turn your back on that kid, he looks sneaky."
Have you ever done something like this?
4 people like this
4 responses
@skyblade (482)
• United States
5 Mar 07
Have you talked to this other boys parents? Fighting and defending yourself are two different things and I don't think anyone should encourage their kids to fight or provoke a fight. Fighting off school grounds is just asking for more trouble, with no figures of authority in sight, someone is bound to get severely injured.
@Angelika1972 (189)
• United States
5 Mar 07
Yes I read your response.
1. I really wasn't asking for advice.
2. I don't agree with you.
I politely thanked you for responding to my question because I find it encourages other people to respond if I don't let my bias show right away.
3 people like this
@stinkerbell (38)
• United States
6 Mar 07
No, I don't think that's something I have done before. I don't want my kids to think that our values are something to be embarrassed about. I can understand why you didn't discuss your true feelings at the school, since it would have most likely caused a scene with the school officials. However, I think it would have been better to say nothing, or simply that you would discuss it with him at home.
1 person likes this
@Angelika1972 (189)
• United States
6 Mar 07
I am sorry that this entire conversation seems to be about fighting at school.
The question was supposed to be about ANYTHING you might say to your child.
I was thinking about this more and perhaps there was a different/better example I could have given that would have inspired more varied responses.
Thanks for your participation! :-)
1 person likes this
@horsesrule (1957)
• United States
6 Mar 07
Oh yes, I have given the boys very similar advice. There are times that I think that you have to tell the kids something different when the school principal and teacher are not around because there are times that they are wrong. I don't mean that I tell them that their teacher is a big dummy but maybe that their teacher didn't handle herself quite as well as she could have or that she may be wrong. I try to say it mildly without anger so I don't let them know how I really feel about their teacher or principal who really may be a big dummy! LOL.
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@Angelika1972 (189)
• United States
6 Mar 07
It is SO HARD when you're trying to send the message to your child that you support the school and the school's policies, when you don't necessarily agree with the policy!
But he'll have to deal with that when he gets out of school too. I don't support all of the laws of this country, but I still abide by them.
Thanks for your response!
2 people like this
@mummymo (23706)
•
6 Mar 07
Hey Angelika. I get where you're coming from. Think the way I do this is that when my children come to me complaining in front of their friends about something they are doing or saying to them i tell them not to clipe(snitch in Scottish!) yet at home when they tell me about things I always tell them to go to the teacher or another adult!! This is making me think! I can understand where you are coming from with your son - mine is really soft (his little sister is much tougher!) and he has been bullied a lot and I always want to tell him to hit back but here it would end up with him in trouble - I usually end up telling him to stay away from these people or to use his mouth to get out of trouble! Does this make sense - am still half asleep! x
1 person likes this
@Angelika1972 (189)
• United States
6 Mar 07
It absolutely makes sense. :-)
When my son was younger I was VERY worried that he would be a constant target for bullies because he was so soft. I told him to hit back at home. It took a long while for him to start defending himself.
But now he does, and I'm relieved.
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