Is it wrong to baby him???

Hey frnd,i must say that ur bro is very lucky.....but remember my frnd that by so much of your help and ur pamparing nature for him making him and his family dependent on u..........tell me do u want ur brother to be like a handicap without u........No,right so plz stop babing him.......i know he is ur younger brother love him,care for him,worry about him but plz dont make him........ fully dependent on u......ok!!!

I think that you should tell your brother that you love him and that he is old enough to be on his own all of my sons are 30 and under and they are all on there own they know how to cook wash clothes and clean house and if you are still wanting them to stay with you tell them that they have to help out around the house too this is a time for tough love they should be on there own sorry that is just how I feel believe me I done this with my youngest sister and my oldest sister and I grew sick of it I got out and now no one will ever live with me again there is a time to help and then there is a time to stop

he has a wife and son and you take his responsiblity ? wow, looks great. He is 23 and let him handle his wife and son. The best thing would me you moving out of his.Conditions will take care of rest

well, it seems like you are a mother figure to him. but the thing is he is 23 years old, and he has a wife and son. you shouldn't baby him. he needs to take responsibilities for himself as well. at this age and with a family, he should be able to do chores around the house. not only that, but he should be expected to contribute some money to the food or maintenance of the house. i dont really expect him to pay rent, but that is up to you. i mean, in my culture you would never ask rent from a relative, but the least they could do is help around the house and pay a bit to help with the necessities.

well..yes you need to stop babying him and let him grow up and take care of his family. He will always be your brother and its good to help him and his family out but yet he needs to do things o his own.

Wow your a great big sister!!! But i think your brother is old enough to take care of himself and his family. If they are living with you and he is working, he should be providing for his family and children, and his wife should be taking over the role you have as his older sister. But thats just my opinion. By babying him, you may not be giving him the chance to grow up and learn to do things for himself. I know it must be difficult for you to break away since you have raised him when he was 6 years of age. If they plan to stay with you long term, then they should at least help around the house with chores, $$ to help with food and bills and so forth. I hope it works out :)

Honestly you really need to stop acting like his mom. Pleasedont think I am beingrude or disrespectfull, but you are his sister. He needs to learn to take care of his family on his own. Both of you need to realise that you are not going to be arrouns forever and he is going to be lost because he is not going to have you to take care of him anymore.

I think you're being way too good to him. I think it's a really bad idea that you don't make him get a job and contribute. One of the best things I learned growing up was responsibility and independence and they are such valuable attributes to have nowadays. My parents don't baby me and my 3 sisters and because of that we are well capable of taking care of ourselves. I think it's great that you want your brother to be happy but he really sounds helpless!

I do think you need to let him learn to take care of himself. He is an adult and needs to know how to act like one.

I would make him get a job and he should start helping out some. He has his own family and he should be doing what you do to him, to his own family. And why is his wife working and not him? I understnad helping out, but to cook him dinner and do his laundry and clean up after him? He is 23 years old and should do it himself. He isn't working so he should do the house cleaning and his own laundry. He sounds lazy and selfish. Cooking him dinner once in a while is nice, but he needs to get his stuff together. Your not his wife and your not his mother. You need to take a break from this. Let him know that you are tired and that it be nice if you got some help. If not, tell them to move out.

I can just understand why you are doing this for your baby brother. Although you raised him since he was little but there will come a time that you might not be around for him and guess what....he is used to you doing things for him that he might not be able to function properly. He needs to do more responsibility because he got his own family now. You don't want to be an enabler because that is the worse thing you can do to those you love.

Does his wife and son live with you too or does he occasionally stay over ? They should be putting money aside to rent a place and learn to stand on their own. He's probably like your son if you raised him since he was six. Let go and let him be a man and take care of his family. Set a time limit of 3 months to find a job, six months to find a place and teach both of them how to do laundry.Both of them should help out with cooking and cleaning. Who takes care of the baby, how old is he? Good luck!

You should definately start cutting down on what you do for him and make sure he learns how to support himself on his own. Does his wife and child live somewhere else? If they do, then he needs to move out and live with them. If they all stay with you, then you need to tell them it's time to get out. I understand you want your brother to be happy, but he is pretty much using you. He needs to support his family and make his own life. It is going to be hard to start saying 'no', but it will be the best for you and him.

Well, if you raised him (kudos of the astronomical kind to you, that's really something), you have to eventually play the parents role from all sides. You're not his best friend, or his permanent fixture of life support. Sure you grew up together and you might have a bond, but you aren't helping him by letting him leech off of you. He has to become self-sufficient at some point and you have to fulfill the parenting role. You aren't hurting him by doing so, you're only completing the cycle.

I guess he is a pretty lucky brother. I guess you should start to minimize the usual things that you give him so that you can teach him to be independent with himself. Maybe you should start to teach him the lessons in life becuase there will come a time that you two will have spearate lives and he must know how to caryy himself without you to assist him. Make it slow since you have spoonfeed him for quite long, you should start by turning over some small responsibility perhaps so that he'll get used to it until you see that he can be on his own already. I know you're doing it coz you love your brother so much but serving him like a king would just make your brother pretty dependent on you and make him lazy in the process.

There is nothing wrong when we help. But in your case, your helping is too much. You better let your brother be resposible and stand on his own. He needs to grow and become independent. He is already married and he needs to separate from you. He is a man and he should work hard for his family. It is unfair for you to take on behalf of his responsibility. That is too much. But that does not mean that you will not help him. Just help him little not too much, not to the point that you are being abused. Actually, this happen to me also. My husband has a work and me too. Both of us send our brother and sister to school because our parents can not afford to send our siblings to school. My husband his brother and me my sister. Actually the salary of my husband is not that big and my salary is bigger compared to him. He also give more money to his brother than me because the school of his brother is more expensive. In his mother's his stays his older brother that is married and has three children. His brother don't have too much earning and his wife has no work so they depend on their mothers expenses inside the house. Sometimes they short in their budger because there children were send into a private school which is expensive. And this cause me heartache because my husband will volunter to help his family. Even if our own family sometimes got short in our budget. I hate my husband because he just let me pay almost everything. I don't know what to do. He is supposed to be the head of our family and should be the one to work hard for us to live. But he is just there earning for his family. I really hate him. Well, atleast in your case you are single.

With all due respect and reading some of what you state as the bond, you are doing him some disservice,and yourself in the fact that you may not be able to "Let Go" either? Obviously there are co-dependant issues in place. Without knowing or really wanting to know all the deeper details, he should be pulling his weight as near equally as possible to those "services" he is offered and apparently taking advantage of. Beyond that, at 23 he should have goals and plans of his own, though what you offer may seem attractive enough for him to procrastinate. One way to test the situation is to have a family meeting, and you can hopefully do this without bruisng his ego, and/or starting a family feud. I suggest you lay on the table what it costs to KEEP them, and what parts of that they contribute to. Without knowing HIS financial or educational status, he and his tribe should be getting themselves into a mode of having their own situation. Certainly one need not feel that LOVE is ending, but are you prepared to have your own adult child, brother or not, with you for life? His work and social ethic is definitely skewed by the fact that he has a very secure situation going on, and if the decision is to let them all stay then all should contribute, whether that be in sweat equity or monetary considerations. You don't state that any of them are disabled to the point of not being able to be on their own.

I don't think you are doing him any favours by not requiring him to take on responsibility. I have two now grown children who did their own laundry from the time they were 12. This was done so that they understand how the machine worked and could take care of themselves when needed. I wonder how long you plan on keeping this up for your brother and his family? Have you given thought to the repercussions of your actions? What are you teaching him? Will he always require someone to take on these responsibilities or will you allow him to learn to accept them for himself? I would suggest to you that you are not responsible for your brother's happiness. I commend you on your caring but you have to allow your brother to create, and be responsible for, his own happiness. If you've raised him as you say this is much akin to a mother letting go of her child. It simply must be done. I think you should take it as a precursor to your own children growing up and moving on and you should "practice" this with your brother. I wish you both the best.

so when do you expect your brother to grow up? and how do you expect him to be able to care for his own wife and child in the event that you aren't there to do it for him? when is it time to step back and let/make him be a man? i'm not going to say what you are doing is wrong, but it certainly isn't helping him with dealing with the real world. i think you should take a look at the reason why you do all this and see if you truely feel like you are helping him, from what i see you are hindering him horribly.

I think that you do need to stop that. Give him more responsibilty. He lives there too and he needs to step up and help you! You can't do it all by yourself. He's 23 for goodness sake!! And Married! My hubby's mom did everything for him and that is why he won't help me clean, can't do the laundry, won't put things away and never takes out the trash. Even if i ask him to. And your not made of money. He needs to help you pay for the groceries and the utilities at least. It would be nice for you to help pay rent/mortgage but it may not be possible. I don't know your situation and I don't want to offend you but there will be a time when you want a life of your own. And he needs to prepare himself for that day. I will take some time for him to get the idea but ask him to do stuff. Give him a list of stuff to do for the week. He needs to start helping to take care of his son by getting a job. Children learn by example and if he doesn't step up that little boy is watching and will do the same thing he is.