Why we all just can't get along..

United States
March 7, 2007 2:22am CST
Alright..I've been a lot of debates lately, mostly involving inevitably..religion. (Surprise, surprise) Now I'm not upset or angry at folks. I'm just perplexed by this epidemic of people's taking offense to the littlest things. And the hatred bug spreading around faster and easier than the flu -- and only a few people seem immune! I'm not talking about a one particular person or discussion..just discussions overall..its just what I've noticed. I mean, I know how things go. Some people just rub you the wrong way..sometimes its not even anything they say they just make you bristle and you go defensive. That's okay..but when you take it a step further.. I love debating. I like learning things..and you can learn alot from a healthy or even an unhealthy debate if you keep your eyes open and your mind clear. Of human nature if nothing else. Education sometimes breeds stupidity and intolerance. As strange as that may seem. My belief is, when in forums defend yourself and others..but NEVER result to name calling or possibly biased insult throwing. If you truly believe the person if that bad an thoughtful, polite comment or response will do more than an insult. You'll make them THINK. Which is the whole point! Likewise for humor, it's good when it's not at some else's expense. So..my question is not if you guys have seen this kind of appalling behavior but if you're guilty of reacting this way yourself. I know I have..and I feel sorry that I did..even if that was years ago now. It's one of the worst crimes considering of all the things I've ever been: ignorent. What do you think we, as people, can do to help ease these less than pleasant reactions in debates on mylot? I don't honestly know myself..or even if there's anything we CAN do..I'm just curious to hear your thoughts.
10 people like this
15 responses
@Anniedup (3652)
• Richards Bay, South Africa
7 Mar 07
A polite and thoughtful comment can never hurt someone, I always try to stay on the topic at hand and if I don't see eye to eye I agree to disagree. Name calling is so childish the only reaction it will get from me is nothing, unless it's abusive then I will report it. The sarcasm can at times be to much, then I just think of the saying, sarcasm is the starting point of a rotten mind. If I've got nothing positive to say, I will keep quite. I have found what works for me is to say sorry you feel that way, thx for your response and sometimes only the latter. Thank you for a interesting post
5 people like this
@Thomas73 (1467)
• Switzerland
7 Mar 07
MyLot being a fairly large community, it is obvious that sub-groups will form, some having vastly diverging opinions from others. Also, when a discussion goes around in circles due to the shallowness of some posters' arguments, one tends to be irritated and some of us lose their temper. I try to avoid this kind of situation myself, but I'm merely human, with my ups and downs. What I enjoy is a good debate, with people expressing their various opinions in a clear and constructive manner -- and with valid arguments! There are many of them here, but I strongly dislike when trolls uninvitedly barge in with meaningless posts. Don't worry, xParanoiax, you're not at all one of those trolls. Although I may disagree with you at times, I always enjoy reading what you have to say. :)
2 people like this
• United States
7 Mar 07
We're all human..which is why an occasional outburst or sarcastic remark is okay. Alot of 'em though is uncalled for usually..which was part of the unsavory behavior I was talking about..thankfully alot of the people I've added as friends on here haven't indulged too much in that can of behavior..yet lol. Thankfully..I'd hate to get on the bad side of people I like..let alone strangers. It is good you try to avoid those kind of situations though..I somehow seem to stumble onto 'em frequently lol. I haven't done or said anything I've had to apologize for yet..thankfully. But so long as we keep our heads maybe it'll catch on a little better than the 'bad behavior flu' or whatever it is..one can hope at least ^_^' But that's all I ask. I don't mind if people disagree with me..as long as they agree like I do, to agree to disagree lol. It's just..the nice thing to do when mingling with other people anywhere, no matter if it's over the web or in our every day lives. But whew..I certainly hope I never become a troll! That'd kinda suck I think lol. Anyway..it's always great to know some folks like reading what I have to say. Thanks for responding.
4 people like this
@yanjiaren (9050)
7 Mar 07
Well for atarters it is against forum rules to personally attack any other forumite so the attackers should be reported immediately and that would get rid of some of the problem. It is upsetting that people post articles but don'taccept other'sopinions..Like you said that is what the debates and discussions are all about. People coming together and sharing different viewpoints. I hope we can all remember why we are on Mylot.
2 people like this
@livewyre (2455)
7 Mar 07
I have just reported THE most appalling post, you were on the same thread so you may have seen it... I am still fuming, I am all for a bit of banter and good old fashioned argument, but what I have just seen was truly unbelievable.. I don't mind people expressing an opposite view after all, if you can't debate your beliefs, then you need to think them through.. but personal abuse just shows total ignorance and stupidity (I'm STILL fuming). the post was not directed at me or even anyone I know, but the poster should truly be ashamed of themselves. Anyhow, I feel a litle better now having got it off my chest Thanks.. If you saw the post, perhaps you can also report it - I don't think I'm over-reacting, I know it's only a post, but the more I think about it, the worse it seems... I am with you, intelligent debate is what I find attractive about MyLot, I also like to have a laugh now and again, so I have been known to post the odd cheeky response here and there... I admit to having been overly critical of people when I could have been kinder, but I think I've been careful not to be simply abusive. In fact the best 'freinds' I have made here are people who I take opposite views to, but have recognised their intelligence and just enjoyed the banter. Where the thread itself is inappropriate, the only thing you can do is not partake and hope they get the message.. Thanks for letting me let off steam
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Mar 07
I believe I recall the post you mentioned but I'll go double check before I'll most likely report it. I think we're all guilty of acting a little bit cheeky sometimes. W e all have our moments or days..and others sometimes things just come out wrong. We're human. A few good friends of mine have very different views from mine as well but we get along anyway since we either avoid tlking about what we disagree on, or talk about it anyway because the conversation's still enjoyable. I'm glad this discussion's been helpful livewyre ^_^
@clownfish (3274)
• United States
8 Mar 07
Hi! I was on that thread and I reported the same post. It was really, really appalling and ..man, there are no words for just how wrong it was! It was also pointed out to me that I was a little hypersensitive on that thread. My instincts about the OP's intentions were 100 correct, but I guess I could have handled myself better. I do get upset and I always end up apologizing for it. I'll try to take it a bit easier from now on. :-)
• United States
8 Mar 07
I'm not quite sure we have the same post in mind Clownfish..that's okay though..as long as bad behavior gets reported, who cares right? I did notice you were a little hypersensitive in that one thread we were both in..but I'm glad, anything that helps us all improve how we handle things is a good thing I think ^_^ and that one thread HAS made us all think in some form or another. Seeing how some other folks have acted has helped me get some perspective on why I and others say and act the way they do to different things..so it's good I at least learned something new. Thanks for responding Clownfish ^_^ and luck be with ye..and all of us, so we all don't turn into those dreadful trolls with short tempers Thomas mentioned hehe.
@JC1969 (1226)
• United States
8 Mar 07
See, I find that it is lack of education, with respect to a specific subject matter, that breeds stupidity and intolerance. I can't tell you how many debates I've engaged in and even though I have given supporting facts from credible non-bias sources, I was still met with intolerance and an onslaught of mean and nasty insults. I find that it is the ones that are truly lacking in facts and information that will try to resolve and push their opinion with venomous insults rather then sticking to facts and staying on topic. In my experienc, you will never convince someone of this character that they are wrong or that maybe the information they are using is inaccurate, because they aren't really interested with learning anything new or becoming enlightened through a debate--it's more about weilding their might and if they have to stoop to fear tactics like insults to attack an make their point, then that's what they do. I've always thought that someone that can't conduct themselves in a mature and tolerant way, online or offline for that matter, and stoops to biased insults as a means to state their position, well, they generally lose the debate. When you have to deliver your message on the wings of insult there is really nothing to be learned from this, and even if your position is genuine and something you are passionate about, your true message is dissolved by the insult and that is all that is received. I had an interesting discussion a week or so ago, and the person's thread was created with an old political email that was rendered false ages ago, and I pointed that out to the person and no one in this thread cared about the fact that the information used was a lie--they only cared that it fueled their intolerant position. It yeilded not so nice comments toward me for pointing out that the information was false, and no one seemed to care about that fact. It was disheartening to see that, which is why I maintain that it is truly lack of education that breeds stupidity and intolerance.
• United States
8 Mar 07
Education DOES sometimes only make things worse. But that's only in some cases..a majority of people who educate themselves usually do better. It's odd, but sometimes no matter of learning can cure someone of stupidity. I hate that. I wish it wasn't sometimes so..but it is. Notice some world leader's with decent educations.. There's hope for most people who're intolerant, ignorent, or lacking in education..but not all of them take it..since they're happier believing they're right when they don't even have their facts straight. I'm sorry you had to face a load of nasty comments though, dearie. I don't think anyone deserves to have those slung at them when they were being perfectly reasonable and logical.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Mar 07
Well I think is the bad way that some people just provoke other people. They sit around and judge people like Christians for example (I havent seen much more bashing them!). Wait I am a Christian. But I DONT choose to you know keep mean comments. I am pretty open minded and not judging. So I comment on these that I find arent so bad. But I watch how they tear anything Christian APART. Either something started on their own or if a Christian starts something LOOK OUT! Why? I dont know. But its what makes us human and amercians. That freedom to believe and stuff. Its how it goes.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Mar 07
I've noticed more christians bashing other folks than other folks bashing christians..but I'm still relatively new to the forum scene (been around them for about two years, compared to others' four to five or even more..), so I won't generalize lol. Religion's always going to be one of the touchiest subjects I think, no matter who's doing the nice or not-so nice discussion on it..so..*shrugs* I'm glad you don't judge though, you're one of..uh..well..four christians I've come across (that I know of) that don't. The sad thing for me is I don't come across that many nice christians..so I'm delighted everytime I do. We are always picking things apart..pretty much everything. From science to our daily lives..I think it's just striving to understand. Though how we all go about it, seems to be the most important factor 'cause when we make waves on purpose..offending people for the sake of learning..well I don't think those people learn anything. But you are right, it's what makes us human. Thanks for responding.
7 Mar 07
Hi hun, this is an interesting one. I have always been in favour of the "live and let live" principle, yet I have also noticed that there are an increasing number of personal attacks and flamings going on here. It is all too easy to indulge in personal attacks within the anonimity of cyberspace, and I wonder if those who indulge in this behaviour would actually dare to do so in a face to face situation. I think that all anyone can do at present is to use the rating system or the report button if things are getting nasty, but it is a sad reflection on society as a whole that such things have to happen at all, especially on a site like this were people are trying to communicate in a sensible and level manner. Just my thoughts hun
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Mar 07
I guess that it all we can do for now, I hope it'll be enough to turn things around a bit. It is also true were things face-to-face most people probably wouldn't go and call names or spout as many hateful comments as it happens on the web. Alot of folks are braver far away rather than up close. It's just kinda sad. Thanks for responding.
@ArsonCuff (3116)
• United States
8 Mar 07
there is a thin line keeping debate from being "arguing" and some people do not know how to negotiate that line
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Mar 07
The Mylot community is full of a diverse assemblage of people. That being, there is going to be countless opinions. Some may be topics that agitate people and cause people to write risky comments. I know some topics make me want to yell at certain people, but I have to remember that everyone has a different stance on things, and they have a right to. But I do agree that people should not resort to name calling or bashing. They should handle there deviation in a kind and composed manner. :)
1 person likes this
@mnflower (1300)
• United States
7 Mar 07
Yes I wish we all could get along also, I have seen a lot of personal attacks whether that is just the way that they were written or if that is the way that it was intended I am not sure..I know that we get enough of that in our daily lifes that when coming on here I know I really try to stray from those discussions that have turned or even looked like it is going to turn into an arguement.. People are people and not everyone gets along but, we really I agree with you don't need the name calling or someone going from discussion to discussion giving them bad ratings this isn't helping any of us.
1 person likes this
@fxfriski (209)
• Singapore
7 Mar 07
"A fire needs to be fed constantly to keep it alive." I read the threads in question, it boils down to this one word "Attention or Significance". Thats what they are seeking. Guess what? They are getting plenty of it. "The most deadliest strategy anyone can use is stone walling." You can do your part by ignoring and reporting. The worse you can do is to response. Education is a two edged sword, cuts both ways. Ignorance breeds stupidity and intolerance. People who seek attention don't "THINK", else they wouldn't be seeking it in light they can get.
1 person likes this
@Glaeken (109)
• United States
7 Mar 07
I might be optimistic, but nothing confounds me more than seeing internet debates. They really can't be solved, as it's not a personal environment with factors to stifle people, it's anonymous for the most part, and there are always new people who aren't mature or just looking to troll that will be around. Intelligent debate really can't survive here, it needs rules and a respected forum. People don't have repercussions on the internet. Really the best measure to slowing and stopping internet arguments isn't to pro-actively go out and stop them from happening amongst other people, but to introspectively leave yourself out of that argumentative mindset. If everyone does that, then no one is going to be arguing, and you yourself won't become involved with existing arguments and thus you won't be affected.
1 person likes this
@Willowlady (10665)
• United States
7 Mar 07
There is alot of people on this site and at times you get to the see the worst examples of what we call humanity. I too like to agree to disagree, when it is possible. Some are just not grown up enough. More often than not if it is given the chance some commonality is found. Keep discussing and things should indeed shake out over time.
1 person likes this
@lilyruth (724)
• United States
11 May 07
Hello X: I know this discussion is sort of old SMILE but I still tink its real interesting and I enjoyed reading all the responses. I thought I was reading a good drama Novel filled with suspense and mystery . Listen I agree with you its allllways good to have a good debate aboug a post we might not agree on. Everyone should voice their opinions but in a civil decent way. All that trash talking is relly unnecessary and all it does is take away interest from the discussion on hand. by the way you all have me curious X if you wish not to tell me here please send me a message and let me read this post you all are talking about Id relly like to see what all the commotion is about1 I want to read it for myself and be my own judge. o.k.? Oh and listen I left you a comment for friends on the profile page and I like always hit the button to many times and the picture I wanted to send you to say hello it came out three times, OOPS Please just delete the two and just leave the one. O.k.? I really am sorry aout that cause I must have taken up a whole page making this errors. SO DELETE it is.LOL
• United States
7 Mar 07
there are a lot of folks on here I dont agree with however name calling solves nothing nor does saying someone hates you lust because you dont agree we all need to learn to just agree to disagree and get on with our lives!