March 7, 2007 12:15pm CST
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure." The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week " My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker. These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief." Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing. --- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Mar 07
LMAO!! Those are all good ones! You made me smile today, thank you!! I've got to tell my family these jokes. I wish I had a printer because I would print them out for them. I hope you don't mind if I copy them and send them out to friends in an email. I'll make sure and tell them that I got them from a friend on Mylot. :)
10 Mar 07
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work. The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered." The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order." The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded." The fourth surgeon said, "I like technicians...they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end..."
• United States
7 Mar 07
Heheh those are always good. Some might have a bit of truth to them but that doesn't mean we still can't smile at it. With each passing day I feel older and older but I refuse to not enjoy what I can. Might not be much but hey it's the little things that make life worth living, like being able to read jokes on the computer from someone who might be half way around the world. It really makes things better.