Do you believe living together before marriage is bad?

United States
March 8, 2007 8:31am CST
I saw a report the other night on TV that claims from an expert living together before marriage is a bad idea. I think it's better to live together before marriage to make sure that you can live with the other person- you learn the bad and good. What do you guys think?
6 people like this
14 responses
8 Mar 07
I agree that it is a good idea to live together before you get married so that you can see if things will work out. I don't see any reason why you should get married first.
2 people like this
@ginny36 (266)
• United States
8 Mar 07
I don't think living together before marriage is bad at all. For some people, religious beliefs or personal preferences may keep them from wanting to live together before marriage. That's fine for them. But for those of us who choose this option, it is a way to get to know each other's habits, routines, and the little quirks that only come out when you live with someone. It can also be helpful to a couple financially. If you spend all your time visiting each other and being together, why pay rent or mortgages on two households if you feel you're ready to cohabitate? This is an individual choice. I'm all for living together before marriage, or for couples who choose to live together as if they are married but never actually have a wedding. But I wouldn't try to convince someone who had a moral or religious issue with it to do the same. Likewise, I'd hope they'd respect my choices and not judge me and my boyfriend for our decision.
@cliffcliff (1350)
• United States
11 Mar 07
Its a BAD idea dreamer, let me explain: Think ahead for a moment, would you want to move in with a guy that has lived with 2 or 3 women before???... probably not. Why? because it means he cannot make a commitment and he is just having fun living together. Where does that leave the girl then? (alone and looking for a husband) Now then, lets look at YOU... If I were to marry a girl, and I had two choices: One never lived with anybody and the other did. who would I prefer to choose?... right, the one who has NEVER lived with someone. Why? becasue it tells me she is looking for a serious future, she is finished dating, Living together is like half dating and half married, no commitments. Marriage will earn you RESPECT because it says you are planning to have a family, whether it works out is another story, but thats what life is about. Risks and respect, nothing is free. Okay now, some of the girls here said, yes they prefer to live together before they got married. BUT it looks as if most of them already had made wedding plans and had been proposed to etc... they did not just live together, they were in a planning stage for marriage.. Those other people did not respond to yoyr discusssion unless they were guys, and what do guys say? Sure its great to live with a girl!!! (no commitments). So, i suggest you look out for yourself here, You tell the guy to make plans for a marriage within at least 6 months from the day you move in, or just get married first, and see what he says. But do not move in with a guy just because you love him, and it sounds nice and convenient. Make sure the man is committed!! that is what marriage is about, not just romance.
• United States
12 Mar 07
Well hopefully you got plans to be married. I would rather be married and divorced than moving in and moving out. Basically if you just move in with a guy, and never marry, there will be a day when someone moves out... do you want to have to think about that all the time? With marriage, at least you have a fighting chance. The counselor you mentioned was speaking from experience. I moved in with a girl once when I was young because it looked convenient, share expenses etc... but soon after I moved in i thought, How am I going to get out of here? (because i was not planning on getting married to the poor girl, I would never have done that had I realized the proper thing to do). There were good reasons they invented marriage a long time ago!!!!
• United States
11 Mar 07
Then I guess that's good news for me because the person I'm with has never lived with a women before. And I've never lived with a man before him.
@JuliaPan (564)
• Canada
8 Mar 07
I wonder who carried out this report... I've read and heard of many other ones, stating that living before marriage is a good idea as it gives an opportunity to get to know each other better before deciding if you want to spend the whole life together. My husband and I did live together for about half a year before we got married. But to tell the truth we decided to get married a year before, 3 months later our first date. But anyway we had a chance to know each other better.
• United States
8 Mar 07
Wow, you guys got married soon :)
@Fixpcbugs (274)
• India
8 Mar 07
In my opinion the idea of living together is never bad.But the both of them(male & female) should know the proper meaning of living together as it is not just a fun.One who invented the necessities of living together might can explain the meaning behind this idea..I think so..
1 person likes this
@ganwn071 (1116)
• Singapore
11 Mar 07
I believe living together before marriage is a good things, it help both person to get to know each other better and habits as well. When you are dating outside the house, there are a lot of things that you will not know and it might be of her dislike, eg, when I cooked, I will mess up the kitchen and will not wash up the dishes right after the meal and will consolidate it and wash it before going to bed, she might not like it. And after marriage, she get to know it and disagreed will start and there are lot of other things will surfaces... This is just an example, there are many more...
• United States
11 Mar 07
you are going to have to learn those things whether you are married or living together.... living together just makes some NOT TRY as hard as they should to make a good home.It should be based on love, not whether you are a slob or not - those are merely habits that you make compromise with. living together is a BAD IDEA.
@magikrose (5429)
• United States
8 Mar 07
I totally agree with you. My husband and I lived togeher before we got married and that is how we decided that we wanted to get married. We have now been happily married for over 6yrs now and still going strong.
@michele609 (1687)
• United States
8 Mar 07
I would hate to live with somebody and not even know what thet consider living. Some people feel as if they should wait becasue of religous reasons and that is wonderful but I think that things can turn upside down if you dont know how that person likes to live.
@Phlamingho (7825)
• Denmark
8 Mar 07
LOL naa that's just stupid... I've been living with my gf for several years, I can't see any problem in that...
• United States
11 Mar 07
yeah, thats because you can just leave her anytime... not a good idea for her.
• Canada
9 Mar 07
I qagree adn it is a good way to see if you are compatable adn stuff jsut have a place to go if it goes bad.
@abroji (3247)
• India
8 Mar 07
This depends on the culture of the couple involved. For the Americans and other liberal societies it may be all right, but to countries like India most people cannot agree with the idea. Not that no such incidents are taking place here, yet usually no one will welcome it. I being an Indian do think that the orthodox opinion of rejecting such a relation is better for the future of the person(s) involved.
@TinWolf (184)
• United States
8 Mar 07
Certainly in a religiously driven moral consciousness, living together unmarried is at least inappropriate or questionable. Keep in mind that that mind set is very likely outdated. The process of getting to know another however, might be slightly skewed in that their is no real contract yet the bond can be as strong without one. Living together isn't the only ingredient though. Some levels of commonality should exist first. Some sharing of interests or various passions should be in the mix, and without question, levels of tolerance, acceptance, and often some compromise, may set a pretty valid scene, for what the rest of ones life might be like with another. Two things that do bother me however, and I'm no nominee for sainthood, are that the divorce rate is at a higher percentage than the stay together rate, so perhaps as a society we might re-think marriage? Then I still feel sadness when a child is brought into this world between unmarried couples. I mean no offense to anyone, it's just one old Wolfs opinion. I base it on many statistics as well, in that to do that should be with the consideration that it's a Lifetime commitment, which is so often NOT the case.
@kurasuda (90)
• Philippines
8 Mar 07
absolutely yes,,, and its a big sin....
• Philippines
8 Mar 07
I think it is not for me, to know each other is better before marriage.