What would you do?

Canada
March 10, 2007 6:50am CST
Hypothetical question (for you, for me it's a real dilemma): One of your best friends is dying of cancer. He's hooked up to multiple machines/tubes to try and stabilize him. He's declining fast. The last time you saw him was just a few months ago, when he was still very hale and relatively healthy. Would you want to see him one last time, even if it was just to say goodbye or would you stay away, keeping the memory of your relatively healthy friend in your heart, and then regret not seeing him one last time, for the rest of your life?
10 people like this
23 responses
@Bee1955 (3885)
• United States
11 Mar 07
You go to him, not to see him for the last time, but to offer him comfort that there are caring people out there to make his last moments peaceful. Dying people get very heartbroken when so-called dear friends stay away, abandoning them in their final hours because they are selfish and want to "remember him as he used to be". What good is that when you hurt him in the end? May God Bless him and those who did care.
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 Mar 07
I agree with this reply,that was what i tryed to say.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Mar 07
If this was a situation I was in I would definately go to see that person one last time. Yes, it may be painful to see your friend in this situation, but I would want my friend to know that I loved him and was there for him till the end. Situations like this make a person see what kind of friend you truly are. If you truly care about this person, go see him. He will be grateful. By doing this you won't hae to face the regret that you may have later that you didn't go see someone you love one last time while you had the chance.
• Portugal
11 Mar 07
Of course you should go, I'm sure that he would love to spend his last time with the people he loves most so it can ease his pain. And you shouldn't let him be alone during these hard times of his life. This as if it was his last gift from you, show him that you'll never ever let him go down :)
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Mar 07
i would go and see him and spend as much time with him as possible. even if he is not awake and has a breathing tube in, you can still talk to him, let him know you are there and you care. tell him some funny memmories that you two had when he wasnt as sick. it will make him feel better and you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
11 Mar 07
Stay with him up to his last moment. It's hard and it's even going to be harder. You just have to let go and let God take over. There are things beyond our control.
@stateroad (730)
• United States
11 Mar 07
Sorry about your Friend. I had this situation with my friend and he declined so fast from AIDS and liver failure I am still in shock. I went to see him and I nearly passed out when I came out of his room. I could not believe that he was dying so quickly when he just made me laugh 1 month before that. I would go see your friend. I would touch his hand and talk to him tell him that you love him. Give him some last words. Let him no that you were one of the last ones with him when his soul left this earth. You will not regret it I promise. It will give him the peace he needs to leave this earth and it will give you the peace and strength you need when he passes away. God Bless You! I will pray for you and your Friend and send peaceful thoughts yours way.
• Australia
11 Mar 07
What about what he wants? Can he still pick up the phone and talk? If yes, ask him if he wants to see you and let your actions depend on his answer. I can imagine your presence in his final moments could be comforting to him. Maybe there's things you want to say to each other. If I were you I'd definitely go. Show him you are a true friend by not bailing out on him during tough times. All the best!
1 person likes this
@ironstruck (2299)
• Canada
11 Mar 07
The difficult thing about that is knowing what to say to the person. But really, just being there might mean a lot. There is no need to say a lot. I would think more of what it would mean to that person and not so much about yourself... Then in your heart you would always done what you could to support that person in a very difficult time.
1 person likes this
• Canada
11 Mar 07
Im very sorry for you and i can't put myself at your place because i did never lived this situation...You should go see him again,if you don't,it's not you whos gonna suffer the most,it's him because he will die without having seeing you once more,if you don't go see him that would be hypocrite.....
1 person likes this
@icequeen (2841)
• Canada
11 Mar 07
I would want to see him one more time...even though it may be painful. I would not be able to live with myself if I did not say my final goodbyes and tell him what a good friend he had been...
1 person likes this
• Singapore
11 Mar 07
i will go see him...
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Mar 07
Yes go and see him but more than that go to be with him and comfort him. A person in his last days, depending on the individual, may either want and enjoy company or not want anyone to see him "like that" -- you won't know until you get there but you will have least made the attempt; and possibly will have brought some joy to your friend while he was still here to experience joy. Later when you are "remembering" your friend you won't remember the frailness, you'll remember that you were a real friend to the end.
• United States
10 Mar 07
Yes I would. I have been in this situation also and talked to my father in law first hand about the people who failed to come see him after he got sick and all he really wanted was their company and companionship. If I wasn't able to spend time with him before he passed I would definitely regret it for a long time.
1 person likes this
@Signal20 (2281)
• United States
10 Mar 07
I'd go see him, and I know if that was me, and if I didn't I'd regret it. Regardless of what shape he's in, he's still your friend. To stay away from a good friend in that situation, IMO is selfish. Your friend may take comfort in knowing you took the time to come see them even if it is to say goodbye. But, that's my opinion, you may have other reasons for not seeing him. If it's just so you can remember your last visit when he was healthy, I'd go see him. To me, that sounds like you may be scared, maybe of what he's going to look like, and just an excuse to not see him for that reason(that isn't supposed to sound mean...) You'll still have your memories of him being healthy and all the good times you had. I'm sorry you have to face this decision, best wishes to you and your friend.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Mar 07
If he is a good friend, or a family member, I would definately go see him/her as much as possible, until the end.
1 person likes this
@Debs_place (10524)
• United States
10 Mar 07
Let's see your friend is dying and you are worried about your memories. Shape up and go see the dying friend, go in there and discuss some happy times you had with your friend. It will be hard but think of your friends feelings and not your own. You will feel better about yourself in the long run and your friend will feel better having spent a few minutes laughing and being distracted from his condition.
1 person likes this
@uu4h708 (638)
• Philippines
10 Mar 07
so sorry to hear that.. my aunt also has cancer although she's not connected to any life supportive machines.. she doesnt even know that she's gonna die (according to the doctors, after 2-6months).. if i were you... i would visit my friend... i know that seeing someone you love in that state would really hurt you, but your friend who is sick is also hurting, because deep inside, he might not want you to see him slowly fading away... he also might not want you to pity him.. pity.. that's one of the major things that you shouldnt show to him.. you may fight it off but somewhere inside you would still feel that.. pity... dont make him feel that you want to see him because you pity him... go to him to make him feel that no matter what he looks like, in health or in sickness you would still be his friend... and also be there to comfort him... he might not see you but he will always hear you and feel... he may not be able to say what he would want to say but if you are there, if you touch him, you will feel that your presence is highly appreciated.... for now, dont think about the memories that you will hold,, that you want him as a healthy person to be in your mind always... rather... think about the memories that he will have before he would pass away... the memories that you were there to be with him in his not so high moment and that you were there.. strong enough to see him go....
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Mar 07
How can you even QUESTION what you should do here? i'm sorry, but that just makes me SICK! You should DEFINITELY go see him. Get over yourself and what is comfortable for you. Think about what he feels and what he is thinking. It's not about YOU, it is about HIM. i guarantee he wants you to go see him, even if it is just a goodbye. You never know, he could mae a miraculous recovery, and then what? You would have abandoned him when he needed you most and, if your relationship survived, it would never be the same. Even worse, he might not make it and you may never get the chance to say goodbye. He will die knowing you abandoned him and felt your comfort was more important than him knowing you care. COuld you live with yourself after that?
• Canada
11 Mar 07
First of all, dear reader, I KNOW it is not about me, it is about him. Have you ever had to deal with this situation? Have you been 500 km away from your friend with hardly a word as to his condition because it is so fragile? Have you ever had a friend who is basically a newlywed, dying in a hospital where he is constantly monitored by both sets of parents, his wife, his two sisters and their spouses? Thank you very much for your kind, sympathetic words and your shoulder. I'm so glad people like you exist to nail me to the cross when I so obviously deserve it.
@yvonne1968 (1065)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Very ill or not. I think i would regret not getting to say goodbye for the last time. Even if a friend was hooked up to machines and very sick. That if i went to visit it would make me very sad, i would still want to say goodbye one last time.
• United States
11 Mar 07
Go See Your Friend.. I know it will be very very hard.. But He will be at peace knowning your there for him..Let him know that your there for his last moments.. Close your eyes as he goes & remember all the good things you did with him & hold his hand & let him drift with the beautiful pictures your giving to him.. Blessed Be To Him!