friends, betrayals, pains
By honeybabe_83
@honeybabe_83 (50)
Philippines
March 10, 2007 9:14am CST
i need your advices or opinions if you were in my shoes... i had this friend of 3 years. he is also a best friend of my cousin. he used to court me 3 times and i kindly turned him down. because i have no deep feelings for him but enjoyed his companion and sees him as a friend nothing more. 2 years ago, he gave up on me trying to court me, he moved on and found someone new which i was happy for him. but this girl turned out to be a very immature one. she's a year younger than i while my friend was 29 that time. when they're official couples, i didn't do anything but to ask as to remind my friend to return the dvds he borrowed from me. the replies was from his gf and said many rude things to me in friendster. i was somewhat offended and all, the next messages she sent me, brought up the topic about my personal life and made fun of me.. also threatened me to destroy my reputation and my life. that shocked me and realized that my friend have told her every details about me. i thought it was supposed to be a secret but told her everything. i know she is his gf but every details is too much, you know.
so, the last message i sent her was civilized and said that i wont talk to her bf (my friend) anymore. that time i gave up because during the fights between his gf and i, my friend didn't do anything but allow his gf to hurt me badly. funny, i never met her but i saw her pictures before.
just last 2 weeks ago, i recieved this YM message while i was online saying "hi, just drop to say hi. on my way to church. bye." i didn't reply becuase i dont know what to say. flashback my mind and felt like it was yesterday. then last week, his close gal friend talked to me thru YM also and told me that my ex-friend's immature gf left him last xmas. i felt no pity for him. i dont know why. i guess it was not my problem. and his gal friend asked me to fight against his ex who left him, i didn't want to becuase i dont want more problems all over again. she asked me if i am willing to forgive my ex-friend if he asked for it. i said "i dont think so." what about the future? i said "maybe. but if i do for once to forgive him, i dont think i want to be his friend or trust him again." she said that he might show up anytime soon at my place, i begged her to tell him not to show up at my place or come to my place again.
what do you think? should i forgive him and give him another chance to be friends again? his gal friend told me that he totally regret for not doing anything for me as a friend. he caused me so much pain and suffer for 3 months "war" from his gf. if he shows up, what will i say to him? should i stay silent? confront or punch him if i like to? he he he..
thanks for your time to read my long message.
5 responses
@Darkwing (21583)
•
10 Mar 07
Firstly, don't mediate through a third person. This guy should contact you himself, or why don't you contact him? I would suggest you tell him that you're willing to put this incident behind you in a mature manner, and talk about what happened and why he didn't step forward to defend you, as a friend.
It sounds to me as though this immature girlfriend of his was very overpowering, selfish and jealous, and he probably let her do what she did in order to have a peaceful life. Men can be this way, all too often. If you still like him as a friend and he does you, get together and work through this. You may regret if you don't. I'm not saying you should beg him, or anything like that... you have your pride... keep it! But, I say it wouldn't hurt to give him the benefit of the doubt and another chance to share your life as a close friend.
Brightest Blessings and good luck with this.
@honeybabe_83 (50)
• Philippines
11 Mar 07
hi, thanks for the advice but i didn't contact him for almost 2 years. it was him messaging me first saying "hello". i didn't reply at all. i really had no idea what to say first. his gf was 9 years younger than his, surely, immature. and i dont know why would she have to be jealous about me. i have a bf that time (till now i'm in a relationship)... the reason why i dont want to contact him coz i done nothing wrong to him but he did to me.
that's exactly what i wanted to know for so long, WHY he didn't defend me as a friend as if he care and to stop the fight? and WHY was he have to tell his gf or friends every details about me and my personal life? if i hear his explanations, then i tell him my side... end the problems, move on.. but undecide on whether or not to forgive him. because what's done, it's already happened, nothing can change that. maybe i will forgive him but i can't trust him anymore. what do you think?
@Darkwing (21583)
•
12 Mar 07
I think you've got a good head on your shoulders and if you're in a relationship now, and happy, you're right in saying you should move on.
I would just tell him how you feel betrayed by him, in that he told his g/f things about your personal life which she used to hurt and humiliate you, and you can never forgive that. Explain to him how that killed any friendly feelings that you had for him... that you have moved on now and there's no going back, but you'll put it all behind you and not mention it again, as long as it doesn't recur.
In other words, as you said, forgive, forget and move on. Build a life with the friends you trust around you.
@honeybabe_83 (50)
• Philippines
13 Mar 07
yes, you got it right. i would ask him how would he feel if he were in my shoes. as in, what would he feel if i betray him behind his back, telling my bf or my other friends about him and his personal life. it would definitely hurt him and may not forgive me for what i've done. that's why i will explain to him what i felt once and whenever the right time or the time he would show up. his and his gf's actions was stupid thing to do to hurt one friend's feelings.
if he doesn't show up, then he aint a man and a coward. i would still move on if he doesn't show up. trust me, i feel nothing for him. miss him or pity him. maybe just small feeling of scared and nervous if he shows unexpectedly. it's good that i'm being prepared what i should do and say. :)
@theazntiger (20)
• United States
11 Mar 07
u should follow your heart. if you really think that you want to re-establish a relationship, intimate or not, then you should give him a second chance, most people deserve one but not all.
@chavezrmc (6095)
• Philippines
11 Mar 07
as everybody deserves a second chance then maybe i will highly suggest that you be careful in telling your secrets in life. Remember the character of man can never be changed in just few minutes, days, weeks, or even years. What you are will be you forever. You might lie low for a while in your character or behavior but you will always come back to your ownself which is YOU. i hope you got what i mean. You can be civil with him but as friend i'm sorry to say, he's not worth your trust anymore you will end to be hurt again. So be careful, we can forgive, we can forget but we have to careful in mistakes that we will be doing which is visible to our eyes and our understanding. good luck!
@honeybabe_83 (50)
• Philippines
11 Mar 07
thanks so much for the advices... yes, i have learned so much from the biggest mistake. 3 years is quite long and betrayed me behind my back. there's sooo many questions in my head with alot of "why's" and would love to hear his answers. when the time is right, i'll let him see me but not at my place but somewhere we can meet... i may cry (ha ha ha)but to see what my decisions will be whether i forgive him or not. maybe i will forgive him someday but wont trust him anymore.. of course, in my situation, it's hard to gain a trust. friend? i'm not sure. but wont be too close to him as i used to. i've changed soooo much after i recovered from 3 months suffering of war fight. do you think i should tell my cousin (his best friend) about what happened? because i heard that he doesn't know what happened.
@lexiemuycs (55)
• Philippines
10 Mar 07
honestly, everyone deserves a second chance.
you don't need to put force into anything... just talk about it. explain your side and let him explain his side.
that's all...
@breeze2wealth (16)
• Australia
11 Mar 07
It's always a good idea to have a forgiving attitude because it lets you move on with your life. Especially if he shows remorse you should at least let him apologize and explain himself to you if he shows up. You can of course let him know how hurt you felt when all this happened. I'm sure the both of you will feel a lot better when all is discussed so you can put the past behind you.
@honeybabe_83 (50)
• Philippines
11 Mar 07
thanks and true, but i will try my best to allow him to explain before i can make my decision. it's gonna be a challenge for me to see his face again. i had a funny feeling, you know? like scared, hurt and angry? still will try to calm down and be civil as any mature people would do.
hopefully once i get the answers, i will move on as i need to to put the painful past behind me.
