Ending an abusive relationship, how do you help someone when they cannot see
By angel_690
@angel_690 (208)
United States
March 11, 2007 5:15pm CST
the harm it is causing not only themselves but for the children involved? I have a friend who is with someone who is abusive towards her verbally and sometimes physically. I have been through my own and I have a very hard time putting up with any mans ignorance(not that all men are ignorant) I have just dealt with my share and now I am seeing my friend keep taking this man back after he is out cheating on her, partying, spends all his money but then comes crying back to her for a place to live and to be taken care of. It almost gets me in a rage at times. I do know I cannot change her but how can I help her so we will see what that relatioinship is doing to her and she has small children both girls my fear is that those girls will grow up and think this type of relationship is normal but it is not. I wish i could just not care about my friends sometimes I think I have been cursed with having too much compassion for people especially those I am close too. I do not know what I can do to help and it is frustrating me. I know I cannot stand him and when I invite her over I always include him even though I cannot stand to be in the same room as him. I always try to make things as pleasant as I can even though it kills me inside.
1 person likes this
3 responses
@browneyedgirl (1264)
• United States
11 Mar 07
You just have to continue to be there for her. Find a way to get her some information-not where he will see it. She won't leave the relationship until she's ready. And she won't be ready to leave until she knows and accepts that it is abusive. Best of luck to both of you. I know how hard it is to get out.
@horsesrule (1957)
• United States
11 Mar 07
I agree with the other post, if your friend or the kids are being hit, call the police and don't ever tell your friend that you did it. This is a bad situation and there is some potential for losing your friend. Sometimes when people want to help, the one who needs the help won't accept it and will push away the one who just wants to help. There's times we just have to back off [IF no one is being hit] and pray like mad. You sound like a really good friend. Your friend is lucky to have you.
@angel_690 (208)
• United States
12 Mar 07
Unfortunatly sometimes i get really mad at her when she keeps taking it and i won't talk to her for awhile till i realize my friendship is unconditional and i need to be there for her. He does not hit the kids but he says ignorant things to the oldest who is a little chunky but she will outgrow it and he is just ignorant. I wish I was around because he would not hit her my husband would knock him out.
1 person likes this
@silvermoonmyst (943)
• United States
11 Mar 07
If you can call the police when it happens. Alot of times it takes a huge push for an abused person to realize they are being abused. You can provide her with information from the web about abuse, the signs and symptoms. Try and talk her into seeing a group about it at the very least type things.. But generally it seems to take a huge push in order for them to really realize they are being abused. Is the man abusive to the kids? That is a huge thing.
Sorry im not a whole lot of help. I know when i was abused, i dint see it or know it, and it took a huge huge hit to even register the word abuse in my brain, no matter what others told me. I didnt see it.
@angel_690 (208)
• United States
12 Mar 07
I wish I could be there when he was being a jerk i usually don't see it except on her weeks later.
