It is none of my business

@winterose (39897)
Canada
March 11, 2007 9:43pm CST
Many people feel that it would be an intrusion to tell their friend if they suspected they were being cheated on. When I was dating years ago, my best girlfriend and I made a pact that if we saw either of our boyfriends with another woman we would tell each other. It happened that a new boyfriend of mine called her up and made a pass at her and she told me. Another time I was invited over for supper and her boyfriend was there, every time she went into the kitchen to look after the food he was coming on to me and I was very uncomfortable. I told her the next day after he was gone and she confronted him with it. He said he was just testing me to see how good a friend I was to her, and she answered she didn't need anyone to tell her what kind of a friend I was she already knew. But then once with another friend of mine her boyfriend came on to me and I told her and she was upset with me. She didn't believe me and said if it was true it was my fault. She didn't talk to me for a few weeks until she got him cheating on her and then she apologized to me. So what do you do, do you tell or remain silent?
13 people like this
44 responses
12 Mar 07
I tell; I could handle what was through my way, as long I remained friends with them. It's kinda stupid how these things happen and I'm glad that I haven't experienced this. I lost a friend during our school days because a girl dated him to get to me. He didn't believe that I wasn't interesting in her, which is somewhat similar to this. I miss this friend as I would never do anything to hurt anyone's feelings never mind a good friend. It's lame how silly things such as this can get in the way and I doubt it was my fault that she liked me. (although I can understand why my friend was hurt) Thanks for sharing carol! ~Joey
3 people like this
• United States
12 Mar 07
I would definitely tell my friend if I caught his or her significant other cheating on them. I would also hope that they would do the same for me. Even if it meant a little temporary fight, I think that it would be better in the long run for the truth to come out. And I think that it would be better for them to hear it from a good friend rather than from a complete stranger.
• United States
12 Mar 07
I would tell someone if I knew for a fact or even a good suspicion. I would want someone to tell me if they had some information.
3 people like this
@mrbranan (1012)
• United States
12 Mar 07
If you care for that person you will tell them. You may have to risk them being mad for a while but they will come around when they know the truth. I would always tell my friend. She would always tell me.
3 people like this
• United States
12 Mar 07
I would definately tell my friend if her boyfriend was hitting on me. I think that if you are a true friend you would tell. If you didn't want to know I think you might just be insecure. You might not want to know because you couldn't handle it, you are comfortable in your life and change is scary. I hope that anyone I know would tell me if the caught my husband out with another woman!
3 people like this
@LindaLou (483)
• Canada
12 Mar 07
I'm with you! If I knew of any of my friends or family's partners cheating on them I would tell them in a heartbeat. They deserve to be making important life decisions with ALL of the facts.
3 people like this
• Canada
12 Mar 07
I would risk my friendship for the sake of telling my friend that her boyfriend wasn't being totally upfront. I would rather risk losing the friendship that see her get hurt over some loser who isn't worth the pain. I would hope that my friends would also do the same thing for me if she ever suspected my partner of cheating on me - although I know that isn't an issue.
2 people like this
@melody1011 (1664)
• India
12 Mar 07
I would definetely tell my friend if her bf was hitting on me. It does not matter if she does not speak to me for a while but its better she knows what he can be upto before taking a final plunge. If her bf could hit on me he could hit on anyone else as well. I'd rather know if my bf does that rahter than get a huge shock when he's leaving me or if i find out later he's having an affair. But its still tricky and i would tell her gently using a hypothecal situation at first
2 people like this
• Canada
12 Mar 07
I like to say that I don't have any friends, instead I have an extended family. I will always tell my friends what I see. If they don't see fit to believe me it is their problem. The cheating party will be found out eventually, and they will discover that I am right. If that friend of mine wants to give me the cold shoulder because s/he thinks I'm doing it for another reason, it's their problem, and that person isn't likely a friend to begin with.
2 people like this
@vanities (11410)
• Davao, Philippines
12 Mar 07
nope i wont but i still make sure if the guy really cheat...sometimes some people are hurt due to this..but in my parti wish to know immediately if my partner are having an illicit affair..and very gratful for my friends too..
@sidoney (1033)
• Jamaica
12 Mar 07
never remain silent as far as a good friend is concern they are so hard to find and once you are true if there is a problem because of you honesty it will come to light and she will love you more in fact honesty is the best policy if you don't speak up who know what will happen and you will then feel guilty knowing that you could have said something but did not
2 people like this
@SpitFire179 (2536)
• Canada
12 Mar 07
I would totally say something. I don't think i could take the guilt of keeping something like that in... As it is, I can't barely hold a little secret back, and when i have to lie over something like a gift or something, i get really upset, because i lied... I just don't think i could take it if i didn't tell the person what was going on right away... I've never been in the situation to have to do that, as i don't let myself get involved with a lot of friends relationships (They just end too fast and i'm not interested in meeting every guy their with) But if it does one day happen, i would surely tell my friend, i wouldn't want her to go through finding out one day when she couldn't see them apart, it's too hard on a person.
@freak369 (5123)
• United States
12 Mar 07
It's a case by case sort of thing but generally, I will tell my friend what the deal is. I do have a few friends that are married and their husbands aren't faithful but there are a lot of problems already so me saying something isn't going to do anything but make matters worse. Like I said, every situation is different so you can't say that you'd tell the person every single time.
2 people like this
• Canada
12 Mar 07
I would tell as well, you guys as friends had a pack to be honest with the other. When she got upset with you about this boyfriend and didnt talk to you for a few weeks, she probably really liked him and somewhere wanted to believe that there was a chance you were lying to her. But I wouldnt remain silent, I would remain true to the pack I had with my friend even if it ticked her off.
2 people like this
@howard96h (11643)
• New York, New York
12 Mar 07
I learned many lessons life has to offer and this is one of them, I would keep my mouth shut and mind my own business. When they kiss and make up - then your the villain.
2 people like this
• United States
12 Mar 07
Since you're obviously good friends with this person I would tell her. You promised each other you would if it ever happened. Plus, is it really in your friends best interest to continue dating someone who is cheating on her? If I were in that position I'd want to know for that reason alone.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39897)
• Canada
13 Mar 07
this was a different friend, not the one I had the pact with
• Canada
13 Mar 07
I would definately tell my friend if I knew for a fact that their spouse was cheating on them. If I had a suspicion, I would do some investigating to get details before I said anything. Then I would present her with the information I had, so she coud decide how to handle it and I would suport her 100% of the way through whatever she decided to do. I would not badmouth the other party, though because alot of the times they end up back together or try to work it out. (that way you haven't dug yourself a hole that you can't get out of)
@Lavera1 (897)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Winterose, I'd tell my friend if her boyfriend came on to me. As a matter of fact, this wasn't my friend,I recently told a woman that her husband was coming on to me and she didn't get angry. When I was younger I wasn't told my by girlfriend that she'd seen by boyfriend with a woman in his car until long after we'd broken up. So you're very belessed to have a girlfriend who trusts and cares for you.
1 person likes this
@zaccheo (74)
• Philippines
12 Mar 07
im an apathetic person so when i see those things, i usually stall and wont tell immediately. dont get me wrong. i just have this belief that whatever happeened between the both of them is their to deal with and im just a friend. i would tell her some things but perhaps a bit more subtly. i could also end up telling the guy off.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Mar 07
No question about it, I would tell my friend. There have been a few times I wish my friends would have told me! I only found out after I broke up with the jerk. It would have saved me a lot of pain and wasted time had I been told sooner! It also made me wonder what kind of friends I had that wouldn't tell me when my boyfriend was cheating. I play it a lot closer to the vest now with my friends.
1 person likes this