why I always feel upset and lonely?

March 11, 2007 10:31pm CST
I think I was born as a lonely girl,I always feel lonely and upset,I am the only girl in my family,but I think my parents don't like me,maybe they are unsatisfied with me,they don't think I am excellent enough,they keep on blaming me for tiny things,for example,they don't allow me to take shower in the morning,because they consider that it is not the proper time to take bath,I feel so annoyed...they even forbid me to watch American movies,they say I am a betrayer...I have no idea,why everything I do and I like is wrong,I am so upset,I can't make myself understood by them,I hate staying at home,I always feel the pressure and fear,be afraid of beingg blamed and controled...they never know that what evil things I experienced these years,I had sufferd from several unsuccessful love accidents,I have to hide all of the painful memories in my mind and pretend to be happy before them...they always say ,they love me,they want me to be perfect,though during so many years,they seldom encourage me or praise me,especially my father,he has been staring at my faults always and reluctant to say any good words to me even I make progress and good achievements,it seems that he takes it for granted,and I wouldn't be forgiven if I do something wrong or defect,many times I doubt the fact that if they really love me?why they always make me feel upset and nervous?my melonchaly can't be cured,and I am always feel hopeless and depaired...around me there are many contemporaryies and teachers like me and give me high praise,they consider me as a smart ,intelligent ,kind,innocent gilr,but I don't know why my parents despise me so much,I have no status and no right to speak at home,maybe in their eyes,I am a loser and a shame to them...the only thing I can do is to leave this place,leave them,to live alone,it will be far more better I think,why I am so unlucky?why I suffer so much?I don't know how long I can endure...and I hope there will be a considerate man in future love me and take care of me,the most important of all,to get rid of my constant pain deep in my heart!
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