Single Mom dealing with Dad Who tells Kids There is No Santa

@stacy624 (2777)
Canada
March 13, 2007 12:56pm CST
My Ex Husband and I Seperated 5 years ago....He has since then re married and has become a Christan which is a great thing....However he has told my Children there is No santa, Easter Bunny ect....I am a little confussed on this issue for I dont see it as lying to my children but to give them something to Look forward to. Any help would be greatful
7 people like this
15 responses
@mjsdls (1840)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Well I personally raised my son to not believe in Santa Clause. Teaching your child that their is a Santa takes away from the truth of Christmas. Christmas is a time to celebrate Jesus not some man made figure because they refuse to accept that Jesus was real. Santa now a days is just something to promote sales during Christmas. I have taught my son the true meaning of Christmas and I did tell their was a Saint Nick. I told him thats where santa clause came from. So he knows the truth. Telling him the truth did not distroy his imagination, he has a great imagination. Since he does understand the truth I do on occasion let him was some christmas show with santa, because you can't hardly watch any christmas shows now a days where they don't sneek him in. But he knows it just entertainment and not real. If your child finds out you lied about santa, some will probably wonder what else you lied about. I always try to be truthful with my son. One of my cousins told me that her got so mad at her when he found out santa was not real. He called her a lair because she lied to him all those years. He asked her why she would lie about a thing like that? I don't ever want to accused of lieing to my son and him throwing that up at me. How can I teach him to tell the truth if I myself do not tell the truth. Think about it!
@jchampany (1131)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Well, I am a Christian too and my kids believe in all of those. In fact my son lost a tooth last week and the tooth fairy came. I think that if your husband has changed his beliefs thats great, but have you talked to him about the things that he tells your children? What has he said about it? A good Christian will respect other peoples wishes too, not just their own. If he cannot discuss this with you and come to an agreement with you on what your children are being told, then he should look at himself and the kind of person he is before trying to tell your kids those kinds of things. Children should be allowed to have hope when they are young. It is not wrong to let your children believe in santa, etc. It is perfectly fine. The reason is because as they grow older they start to realize these things don't exist and their parents are the ones doing all those things. They don't continue through their whole life believing in these things and they do not worship them. It is not sac-religious.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 07
I think that is not lying telling kids that things like that exist. It is part of being a child and having an imagination in life. It was so much fun as a kid to look foward to holidays. I would talk to him and tell him that you thought that was wrong and he should discuss things like this with you before he does them
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Mar 07
I think that is not lying telling kids that things like that exist. It is part of being a child and having an imagination in life. It was so much fun as a kid to look foward to holidays. I would talk to him and tell him that you thought that was wrong and he should discuss things like this with you before he does them
1 person likes this
14 Mar 07
The celebration of Father Christmas, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy (I've just had a wisdom tooth removed, resulting in 2 days of agony, and half my face is swollen, so this particular fairy is close to my mind!) etc is not lying, they halp children understand the idea of celebration, gift giving, and are traditions. To class these as deceit is small minded and quite pathetic, if not spiteful. I should inform your ex-husband that the festival of Christmas is a pagan one, taken by the Christian faith in the 6th cxentury, and is the stolen story of the incarnation of the Roman God, Mithras, who was born of lowly parents, was the path to redemption, was visited by three wise men, and was born on the 25th December. The church does not know anything about Jesus' life prior to his baptism by John the Baptist. I should then politely inform your ex, that you shall be happy to inform your children that their Daddy is dishonest, and a liar, who spreads lies about God and Jesus. The origins of Pere Noel (Father Christmas) are a mix of heathen and christianity, though he originally wore green, with a twist of ivy about his head - Coca Cola invented the myth of the red outfit. He is also, often associated with King Wnceslas, who would give gifts to local villagers at Christmas. The church has no problem with Santa Claus, as he teaches the principles of 'being good' and generosity. Your ex should respect your views and your childrens well-being, his failure to do so, is unChristian. Whilst I am far from the mainstream of Christianity, in my views, I should think this might be a situation where your local vicar or priest might be able to offer advice, on how to address these problems with your exs Christian views.
• United States
14 Mar 07
It's not as bad as it sounds. He has not told them of personal issues. he merely spoke to his kids about the facts of life. There is no santa,or easter bunny. Even though it would be better to have spoke to you about it first. However he being a christion. It is not going to stop him from telling the even more of his new found religion. I just wish you both could be more on the same wave length. He also should not have to consult you ever time he wants to speak to the kids about stuff. This is going to be hard for your kids as well. Maybe your kids should start attending church if this is something you don't mind.
• Canada
14 Mar 07
I don't feel this is lying either , this is for fun and good for imagination . It is good for children to believe in all the wonderful things in the world that might exist like magic , therefore making Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny more exciting for them . I would explain to the children like in movies that Daddy doesn't believe and that doesn't mean he is right that he has no Christmas spirit . I would be trying to remember all the Christmas movies to give examples because in the Christmas movies there is always someone who doesn't believe . If you could talk to your husband about this maybe it would help also . Most children want to believe so much that even if they are told the truth they will still try to see something that isn't there . I can remember when I told my son the truth , he was much older and still believed for the next couple of years that I wasn't right as he was convinced it was all real . Good Luck , hope this helps :)
• United States
14 Mar 07
My husband and I have the same problem He thinks that there is nothing wrong with telling them this while I believe that it is lying to them. It all boils down to rather or not you think that it is wrong. I don't do this because I don't want to dissapoint my kids when the later find out. I belive that if your child is around 6 years old then they probably already know the truth. My husband thinks that his son still believes in santa clause but he doesn't. I think that his son plays along with him to not make him feel bad. If your children are in school then you might want to think about how they will feel when another kid tell them. I tell my kids not to tell other kids the truth because it might hurt their feelings.
@limosonia1 (1559)
• United States
14 Mar 07
Your x is totally wrong these aren't lies it's called youth and some very found memories for children. He should take into consideration that he was the one that changed faiths and thay him afftecting the children this way is wrong. His beliefs are his but that doesn't mean that he has to take the joy from you and your children. Try explaining to him that he really doesn't need to talk about it with them if he believes it is lieing tell the kids to ask you. He has to realize that the kids were growing up believeing in all these things and it is wrong for him to try and change it now because he has changed.
• United States
14 Mar 07
Your children would find out that Santa and the Easter Bunny aren't real at one point or another. Children stop believing at a much earlier age, and maybe your ex thought he was doing you a favor. I don't think he was implying that you lie to them, I think he was just telling them so they wouldn't hear from friends maybe and be ccrushed that way. It's better to hear the truth from your parents than your friends.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
14 Mar 07
well, I myself am Christian also, I was never taught that there was a santa clause, and will never teach my children that there is. My reason for this is that if I tell him there is a santa clause, but later tell him I misled him, how will he trust me when I tell him about Jesus? and anyways, for the Christian, Christmas isn't about Santa, it's about Jesus' birthday. Having said that, I think it was a little irresponsible for him not to discuss what you would teach the kids before he told them the truth. I will teach my sons about St. Nicholas, and all that he did and aspired to do, but I will not mislead them into believing there is a sata clause. FOr Christmas last year though, we had a huge birthday party for Jesus, it was sweet, and something our kids will look forward to every year. GOod luck!
@seamonkey (1981)
• Ireland
14 Mar 07
I have a couple of friends who have four children and are the most well adjusted family I know and they make joint decisions and genuinely function as a team. They disagree on the Santa issue, however. When one parent told the oldest there was no such thing as Santa, the other told the distraught child, "You mummy is a lunatic" and then began some major damage contol with the kid. I think it is perfectly fine to keep that particular bit of tradiotion alive even if it means discrediting the other parent. How the heck does he KNOW there is no Santa?
@winky73 (1396)
• United States
14 Mar 07
That is so sad....why would he want to take that away from your kids.Some of my fondest memories are of things like that when I was little.It is part of being a child to believe in Santa and such.Children grow up way to fast anyways....so why try to hurry it along even more?It's not the same as telling a lies....it's just amking sure they have a happy chilhood and creating wonderful memories for them.
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
14 Mar 07
I grew up with a religious family (not over the top but we did attend church & so on) & knew the meaning of Christmas - however, i found that having a Santa made it more fun! Even once i knew there was no Santa, i always had a ball - i enjoyed watching my younger siblings show me what Santa had bought for them & i don't ever remember then getting upset or angry with our parents for saying there was a Santa. I think as the child gets older, they come to realise a big fat man WONT EVER fit down a chimney & we didn't even have a chimney! I'm not sure why your ex husband would go behind your back but if you wish for your children to continue to believe or even still half believe - continue with the surprise gifts over night & i think that's where the magic is - waking in the morning to find the extra gifts that just popped up out of nowhere. Have a chat with your ex & let him know you didn't appreciate him telling the children that & next time he needs to discuss things with you before he says anything. I don't see it as lying either - it's just giving them something to look forward to & i intend to do the same with my daughter - easter bunny, tooth fairy, Santa etc - as long as she has fun & enjoys her Xmas celebrations with her family, i will be happy.
@Jenette (37)
• India
13 Mar 07
Well Its a very true fact there is nothing like a Santa or a easter bunny so its sensible to always tell the kids the truth so that they do not expect something which will never happen. The children are not so dumb today or tommorow they will know the fact that it way a lie.