When does a parent step in when your teenager is a sneak?? Help!

@lila42 (26)
United States
March 13, 2007 5:11pm CST
I have a 15 year-old son. He is "going" with a girl at school. (He calls it "going together" they see each other at school, talk on the phone, but they don't really go out; they have been to the movies and dinner..)He has at least four or five other different girls calling him on a daily basis. He gets other girls' phone numbers. He just talked to a girl tonight and told her to meet him at his brother's soccer practice. (His father is there, so he is watching.) This particular girl that is at the practice, I know his girlfriend would have a fit over..I know they are just kids and that none of this is really serious..except for his seemingly alarming ability to be deceptive. I have talked to him about this and he has actually cried. He says he knows he needs to break up with her, he doesn't like his own lying; he says he has never had this much attention from girls and he's having trouble handling it...he feels very guilty about it, but doesn't change anything. He says he will break up with this girl but never does. If he is this deceptive at the starting point of dating, imagine how well he will have it mastered by college. I shudder to think of all the poor girls' hearts he would break. I don't want to condone this or whitewash the behavior. And if he can lie that easily to people, I have to wonder how easily he can lie to me. I want to raise a trustworthy son, so what do I do? I really hate this in him and I don't know really what action I should take. Suggestions???
2 responses
@jchampany (1131)
• United States
13 Mar 07
My feeling is that he is just trying to cope with his newfound interests (girls). He is having a hard time, like he told you, dealing with all this attention. He will soon learn how to really handle these kinds of situations. I think you should keep up on his actions but don't press him too much. Just stay to the sidelines and watch. But if you see it getting really out of hand step in. Let him try to work out this issue himself for a little while. That may be better for him in the long run.
@lila42 (26)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Thanks so much for your response! That's the problem, I have been standing on the sidelines for about 8 months now, but things are escalating now. I had to tell one girl, after she called five times in one day, not his girlfriend, either, that she was allowed to call once. One girl called with a name very similar to his girlfriend's and I got them mixed up. He called the wrong girl back...
@jchampany (1131)
• United States
13 Mar 07
Well, that's the thing. He will end up getting caught and losing this girl or other girls. I am the only girl, I grew up with three brothers. I have seen this happen to all of them. They start out thinking that they are the kings of the world and start losing their reign. Eventually he will figure out that that is not the way to treat girls. You shouldn't be overly concerned with the girls' feelings either. Not to sound harsh. But they are just teenagers, these are just crushes, not love. The girls will get over it also. Think about when you were a teen. How many crushes did you have that might not have worked out as planned. You seem to have turned out okay.
• New Zealand
13 Mar 07
lila, that is teenage parenting. Five calls a day - not too bad. Getting the names mixed up has a comical element and quite understandable. lol! A sense of humor helps but it can be tough when rooms are a mess, music is blaring.. all sorts of magical stuff that happens with teenagers at home.
@coffeechat (1961)
• New Zealand
13 Mar 07
At 15 the whole wide world is opening up for your son. His view of the world will be influenced by the last 15 years of what he learned in the family, at school, from the media and his friends. If his fundamentals are strong, he will learn to cope with the hormonal changes that is common at this age and emerge well. Understanding, love and gentle guidance is the order of the day I think. Some things and decisions people have to arrive at by themselves and intervention can be fruitless. A few words of the song come to mind " teach them well and let them do their best. Show them all the beauty they possess inside... give them a sense of pride". They will take it on their own from there. But be available, should he stumble and need your support. Cheers!