crying in stead of saying thank you

Canada
March 14, 2007 3:17pm CST
my 3 year old daughter is driving me nuts. we do so much together. i spend all of my spare money doing special activities together. i took her to a magic show today and after it's over she's crying. "oh i didn't get picked, i didn't win a prize". this seems to happen all the time. she cries when we leave somewhere instead of saying thank you for taking me. i'm so mad right now.
14 people like this
38 responses
@mfpsassy (2827)
• United States
14 Mar 07
Remember she is only 3 she doesn't know or understand the sacrafices you make. But this the time when children learn that things are not always just for them or about them. She is still pretty little but try to explain to her that maybe next time it will be her turn or something to that effect. Mine are 13 and 11 and still need the occasional reminder that the world does not revolve around them
@mfpsassy (2827)
• United States
15 May 07
Thank you for the BR
• United States
14 Mar 07
It can be frusterating when our toddlers act out and respond in not so nice ways, but I think that it is a normal part of development, I read in a parenting book that toddlers really think that the world revolves around them and are selfish. Just try to remember that she just isn't old enough to understand how you feel, I am sure that things will change as she gets older. Make it a point to remind her to say please and thank-you.
3 people like this
• Canada
14 Mar 07
thanks for the advice. i know she's still young. it just got to me cause for two weeks now we've been on the go and going to the play centre and doing other activities and i just really got frustrated for a minute there when she cried again. just had one of those days were i couldn't take it. i'll just have to try to be more patient with that next time.
1 person likes this
@tess1960 (2386)
• United States
15 Mar 07
popopop, read your reply to lovemydsdominik. It almost seems you are keeping your little one too busy. This is something that happens with a lot of parents. We want our children to experience everything and we want to experience everything with them and themn we end up running them raged and ourselves. My question is are your not only tireing yourself out bu her also. Mommies can get cranky too and I think that is how you were feeling when she cryed again. Sometimes toddlers cry because they are tired and we don't see that. I don't think you are spoiling her so much as you are wanting her to do too much. Remember wuality time can be reading with mommy, making cookies with mommy, learning a new craft with mommy, and taking a down day to just play at home and take a nap. Say thank you for taking mommy to the puppet show I had fun. Thank you for going to the library with mommy. Then you will be modeling the tahnk you pattern. Remember she is still learning her emotions just as you are now learning parents emotions, thay are different.
• Canada
15 Mar 07
i'm tired of people assuming things. we do a lot at home, we don't go out too much, a couple days a week we go out for about 2 hours a day. she doesn't go to school so i don't think 4 hours a week out somewhere is over scheduling. we do all the simple no cost activities at home as well like baking together and stuff.
@MABEL24 (63)
14 Mar 07
yeah i know, i think is just take constant teaching, keep doing what you're doing but always take time when she is crying to explain and ask her not to cry.....eventually she'll get it .i have a 3 year old too and i have the same problem
• Canada
14 Mar 07
thanks, i did remind her about the day before how she was picked at the reptile show to touch a snake. i just lost my patence so some of it was my fault. i just got tired of hearing the whinning after it's been none stop activities for her in the last 2 weeks.
15 Mar 07
yeah, that's how my daughter is, but there's no perfect kids and no perfect parents so .....hang in there, when she grows up she will see and appreciate all this time you are having with her
1 person likes this
• Canada
15 Mar 07
You said it your self, you spend all of your spare money on your child for activities. At that age they don't understand and when she had to leave it was upsetting. Comfort her and talk to her about the activity she just went through EXCITEDLY and ask her favorite part, distract her. I would start doing non monitary activities with her. Be strong and repititious, and loving.
2 people like this
• Canada
15 Mar 07
we do a lot of non monitary activities as well. actually all this week everything was free. i don't have a lot of spare money and it does go towards all our activities. and it's not all for her, i love doing all these things with her cause in the fall she will be starting school and i will be going back to work so i want to spend as much quality time with her as possible. anyway i just had a bad moment where i lost patience with her. next time i will try harder to do exactly what you suggested which was focus on the good things that she got to see. thanks
1 person likes this
@sizzle3000 (3038)
• United States
14 Mar 07
This is so natural. Talk to her and explain to her that you can not win all the time. Explain to her how great it was just to go see the show. My daughter is sixteen and I still get the same boo hoo when things don't go her way. I simply tell her how luck she is for getting what ever and be happy for that. Some times it works some times it doesn't
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
15 Mar 07
Sounds like a typical three year old. I'm sure by now you have realized that though. I would suggest letting her help you plan your next outing. Let her decide where you want to go, and she can do extra chores all week to earn the privilege to go with you. She is young, but begin teaching her now that special trips/outings are a privilege not a right, and she may begin to appreciate them more. It's also a great way to get her excited about "helping" around the house. Manners are not ingrained and are taught, and no matter how well a toddler knows to say please and thankyou, sometimes they are just words and they haven't caught on to the attitude behind those words. I can say thankyou and not really be grateful. It's hard trying to instill these values into our children, but we must always try to. Give her some time, and she may surprise you on her own, but until then, continue to remind her that she must say thankyou when appropriate. Good luck to you and your daughter.
1 person likes this
• Canada
15 Mar 07
very good advice, thank you.
1 person likes this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
16 Mar 07
thanks for best response! (:
1 person likes this
@SageMother (2277)
• United States
14 Mar 07
You are spoiling her. you can't expect a 3 year old to than you for things she didn't ask for. Her expectations about her being special are starting to show through in her crying over not being paid attention to. It is common for kids at this age to be upset when they feel left out, just like adults are upset about being left out. I suggest you start saving your spare money for things that warrant celebration, like her birthday. There is no reason to lavish things on her. It is making her think that she is more deserving than other people.
1 person likes this
• Canada
14 Mar 07
so you recommend never spending quality time with my daughtter. just once a year on her birthday. my daughter is not spoiled. she doesn't get toys or presents, we spend quality time together and i don't think it's spoiling to spend time with your kids. that's what you are suposed to do as a parent. you don't put kids into this world and then ignore them.
• Canada
14 Mar 07
and teaching kids to say thank you are common manners. i don't think it's wrong to expect a child to have manners. most kids don't this day and age.
@onabreak2 (1161)
• United States
16 Mar 07
My kids are all grown now and I wish I could have spent the quality time you are spending with your daughter. You sound like such a good Mommy. I know how frustrating it can be with little ones. Now I get to go through it with my Grandkids. They are all like that when they are little. They really don't understand. How she acts now is not how she will behave when she is bigger since you are teaching her in your own way how to behave. Believe me, you will be so happy when you are my age that you are spending all this time with her now and so will she. Just keep on doing what you are doing and dont pay any attention to people that are telling you she is spoiled and indicating you should not spend so much time with her. They don't know what they are talking about and if they have grown kids of their own they probably dont want anything to do with her. They are kind of like marriage counselors that have never been married. Or family counselors that have never had children. In other words they dont know what they are talking about.
1 person likes this
• Canada
16 Mar 07
thank you so much, this makes me feel a lot better after reading some of the other comments. i know i was in the wrong by expecting so much from her but i also know i'm not in the wrong by spending so much time with her. she is my world and i really love having fun with her and i don't want to miss out on anything.
@tad1fan (3373)
• Canada
16 Mar 07
Alll kids do this.....I found,what helped me was to explain to them,before going in that they may not get picked,there are going to be other kids there and that they may not get a prize and if they cry and act up when it's over,they won't be able to come back to watch another show....it takes time,but it does work.....eventually
1 person likes this
• Canada
16 Mar 07
thanks for the advice. i will try that out.
• United Arab Emirates
15 Mar 07
I understand what you mean, I used to have the same problem with my daughter, I would spend all my free time with her taking her to amusement parks etc, and spending on all the rides and end up with her crying at the end of it, I sat her down and explained to her that if we did not leave and go home we could not come again, or some sort of convoluted logic of the same kind and it had an effect she started looking forward to each weekend when we would go out together
1 person likes this
• Canada
15 Mar 07
good advice thank you
@caraj444 (1080)
• Canada
15 Mar 07
i think its great that you spend so much time doing things with your child but is it possible you may both be overdoing it a bit and shes tired sometimes at these activities? she may just be in need of some down time at home with you as well as the outings. Of course its an age when children definetly think the world revolves around them so it will take time and reminders that its good manners to say thank you when someone does something nice for you, i know it can be frustrating but shes still young and oh one thing i know helps with my daughter is to let her know whats going to happen ahead of time, when you see its getting close for an activity to end try letting her know that its going to be over soon so shes expecting that and not expecting it to keep going on for the next hour, kids like rountine and anything that comes out of the blue seems to upset some of them
1 person likes this
• Canada
15 Mar 07
thanks for the response. we are not overscheduled. she doesn't go to school so most days we are at home all day. a few days a week we go out for an hour to the play centre. and the other day we were just gone for half an hour to the magic show. i don't think a few hours a week is over scheduling. she gets really tired of sitting at hime.
@jbillin1 (12)
• United States
15 Mar 07
Hey there...I'm taking a developmental psychology course right now, we're studying early childhood development and i think I have an explanation as to why your child acts the way she does. According to a psychologist by the name of Piaget, three year olds are extremely egocentric, meanin that they center so much on their own point of view that they cannot take in another's. A three year old truly believes that the world is centered around them, so it is impossible for that child to focus on more than one aspect of a situation. Your daughter, at her age, hasn't yet developed the cognitive ability to look at the situation from your point of view. Therefore she doesn't understand WHY you took her to the magic show. She only understands that you took her and that she didn't get exactly what she wanted. Just my two cents.
1 person likes this
• Netherlands
15 Mar 07
Good old Piaget. You are underlining what I said before in this discussion.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Mar 07
That's pretty much what 3 year-olds do, isn't it? She is totally normal, and your are totally normal for losing your patience, too. You were both probably a little over-tired from your busy weeks as well, which contributed to it all. She's at the stage where she is really going to start comparing herself and what she has to others and what they have/get, not necessarly in a favorable way, because it is always easier to see what you don't have than what you do, no matter if you are 3 or 33 or 93. She'll start developing better empathy in the next few years, which will help her with appriciating what you do for her and what she does have. Maybe you could spend a little more quiet time at home, so she doesn't get over stimulated and can recognize the times you go out as a special occasion, rather than part of the routine. Perhaps you could also take her to a play group where she can interact with other kids without you by her side the whole time, that will also help prepare her for starting school later, when she will have to cope a bit more on her own and work things out herself. Anyway, I think you are doing great, don't let this little bump in the road upset you any longer! Good Luck.
1 person likes this
• Canada
15 Mar 07
thanks for the advice. i do take her to a play group a few days a week. she is great with interacting with the other kids and sharing. i actually get complements on how well she acts there with the other kids. i think like you said we both had a little bit of a bad day from being too busy lately.
1 person likes this
@crazynurse (7489)
• United States
14 Mar 07
She is 3...take a deep breath mom! I have followed your amazing posts about the wonderful things you and she do together. It sounds like you are very, very busy. I wouuld be willing to bet that each of you were just very tired and didn't even realize it!
1 person likes this
• Canada
15 Mar 07
yes after i calmed down i realized i over reacted. i just had one of those moments where i didn't want to listen to whinning. i'll try to have more patience with her next time. thanks for the reply.
• United States
15 Mar 07
That's a tough one! I mean, I know a lot of times in moves they show people crying when something good happens or when they're happy, but your daughter doesn't seem to be using it for the right things. Not sure what you can do really! You could try and explain that crying doesn't really solve anything in the way she's using it. Good luck! :)
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Mar 07
I go through this alot. And it makes me mad too. I just had that yesterday! I took my little booger to the park, we were there for like 2 hours! 5 sets of kids and parents came and went while we were there! And he STILL had a fit because we had to go home. And its a good thing we did, cause it started to rain as soon as we got home! Mcdonalds is a nightmare... don't even want to discuss what going there does. lol. So I feel for you!
1 person likes this
@healer (1783)
• India
15 Mar 07
Hey she is still a kid to understand what you mean to her, anyway you are a good mom i should say and i like your kid too. Children normally enjoy a lot but never think like your daughter of winning something, i think she got a big brain hehehe she wants to be somebody even though she is only three and thats really great. Anyway one day she will thank you for what you are doing to her now, after she grows up.
1 person likes this
@kishchun (497)
• Oman
15 Mar 07
hey, don't be mad. she is still very young. try to be understanding, explain things, enjoy the childhood of your child, 'coz you don't realize how fast it goes ....... i do realize that now .... my lil one is growing up, his childhood is over ....... though i tried to be a good mom, sometimes i wonder if i couldn't have been still better, and feel guilty about it. understand the feelings of the little one, enjoy being her mom, sweetheart ..... be positive ....... though it does take some effort, i do understand you ... but that's how we were, too, when we were small - at least, more or less ...
• China
15 Mar 07
I feel children usually like to go out,but exception is usually going to school.but in your case it is different,i feel she more safe and comfortable at home,may her room has too many toys and other stuff or may be she has seen some thing on streets she doesnt like,may be she fear noise,and vehicles.
• Philippines
15 Mar 07
Little girls always wants to enjoy their time with you. You just need to have patience of taking care of them. If they won't listen then you need to tell them gently and let them understand the situations. don't scold them or else they will rebel. It's really hard to become a parent but that's the way it is.
1 person likes this