i just scared my daughter half to death
By poppoppop111
@poppoppop111 (5731)
Canada
March 14, 2007 9:07pm CST
my daughter is 3 1/2 and she starts school this fall. i'm trying to teach her about a code word in case i have to send someone else to pick her up from school. the code word will be told to her by the person picking her up so she knows it's safe to go with them.
i told her not to trust anyone. i'm usually always with her and now that she will be on her own a little more i said if anyone stops to talk to her and say mom said to pick you up or give them a bunch of lies and stuff not to go with them in case they are kidnappers, unless they know the pass word.
now she's having a hard time understanding and it was so cute while we were playing pretent and i was giving her situations and pretending to pick her up by being different people. i said i was george and asked if she wanted to come with me. she said no, then i said well your mommy told me to come get you, she said no. then i said i had candy in the car for her. she thought about it and said ok. anyway now i've got her scared to go to school. she almost started crying well why is someone going to kidnap me. why can't you tell them not to.
can anyone give me some advice on how to keep teaching her this with out scaring her.
3 people like this
8 responses
@sizzle3000 (3036)
• United States
15 Mar 07
It is hard for a 3 year old to grasp the concept of bad people. At this age the school should not release your child to anyone but you. Here in Maryland, at my daughters elementy school the teachers dismissed the class. The teacher only let the kid leave with a parent. If the parent wanted the child to go with another adult they would have send a not into school and the person picking up the child would have to have a picture ID. I do understand that some kids this little take buses now but I never would let my daughter at this young age go anywhere that had that little supervision. I took my child to school or my mom took her when I had to work.
When Heather was in first grade I worked a lot. My mom would take her back and forth to school. One day I got off work early and I thought I would go pick up my daughter. Well, when Heather came out of the door she yelled mommy and ran to me. Her teacher said to me I thought the other lady was her mom. Heather called her mom. I laughed and tried to explain that Heather calls her grandmom, mom because I call her mom. Heather looked up at the teacher and said yah that is right. This is mommy and mom is the one who pickes me up most of the time. I thought that was so cute.
@poppoppop111 (5731)
• Canada
16 Mar 07
unfortunately it's not just the fact that she might get picked up from someone different at school that is the issue. i will be back at work and i won't be able to drive her, she will be on the bus, and i don't know anyone else in this town that can drive her. there is also a lot of cases where kids get kidnapped during recess and walking to the bus fromt he school to the parking lot and whatever. there are lots more situations where something bad can happen. i think children should still be taught to look out for these types of dangers, it's sad that we have to teach them at such a young age but it's better to be safe than sorry.
@monica1981 (466)
• United States
15 Mar 07
Did you know that the FBI actually teaches this as a way to avoid kidnappers? I was once in a situation like that when I was young. I'd never met the person picking me up before. She turned out to be my moms cousin. I only went with her because she knew the password. I would suggest trying it out on your daughter with someone she knows, but isn't very familiar with. It might make her feel more comfortable.
3 people like this
@poppoppop111 (5731)
• Canada
15 Mar 07
thanks for the advice. i had my neighbour try it out today but she knows her very well and my daughter just blurted out the password to her. so right now i have to make sure she doens't tell anyone the password. she's usually really good with secrets but i think it's cause she really trust my neibour becuase we are together every day. but thanks i'll try with someone she isn't as familiar with.
1 person likes this
@Backpack30 (924)
• United States
15 Mar 07
I think it's WONDERFUL that you're teaching her about not trusting strangers.
My brother is in a line of work that knows just how many abductions there are-and there are ALOT. More than people realize.
You're very smart and responsible to teach your child.
I did a search and found this article for you :)
This should helpful:
http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/WSIHW000/35320/35325/502845.html?d=dmtHMSContent
Good luck! :D
2 people like this
@tad1fan (3367)
• Canada
16 Mar 07
This is a very delicate situation,especially with a 3 1/2 year old....I'm so glad that we don't start school here,even preschool until 5.....just keep telling her what you are doing but explain to her that you are teaching her this because there are 'bad people' out there.....teach her about going to the police if they are arond and a favorite of mine,that I taught all my kids was if someone grabbed tham and tried to drag them away.....they are to kick,hit,bite and scream at the top of their lungs for help and that the person is NOT their mommy or daddy.....
2 people like this
@poppoppop111 (5731)
• Canada
16 Mar 07
thanks for the advice. i've slowed down the topic about it but we were at the fire house today and i brout it up a little bit. i think saying a little at a time in normal day conversation is what is working right now. that way it's not one long scary conversation. i haven't metioned about what to do if someone does grab her so thanks for reminding me.
@Michele21 (3093)
• United States
15 Mar 07
I like Monica1981's idea, practicing it with someone else that your daughter doesn't know too well. I would worry about scaring your daughter too, but it is something she should learn and it is great that you are being responsible to let her know things! Let her know that you are telling her those things to keep her safe so she will be strong and know not to go with strangers that don't know the password.
2 people like this
@poppoppop111 (5731)
• Canada
15 Mar 07
thanks, after scaring her i told her that i just want to make sure she stays safe so we are always going to be together and happy. but i just worry now that she will not want to go to school. she's really been looking forward to school before this. i need another example of where she might be other than using school so she doens't just associate it with that and be scared to go.
@gangsta_mann (3)
• Romania
15 Mar 07
it's good that you tryed to teach her something usefull but if someone tryed to kidnap her could do it very easily...she is 3 for Christ sakes...
1 person likes this
@c2adams2 (351)
• United States
16 Mar 07
My son was about the same age when we started to learn about strangers, but there is one thing to keep in mind. Yes, it is recommended to have a code word, but not for children this young. The problem is that a stranger can trick the child into telling them the word without the child realizing it. It is actually fairly easy to trick a child that age into telling a secret, so it can actually be more dangerous than helpful because the child would go along with them easily. I believe the best way to protect your child is to tell them that never, under and circumstances are they to go with a stranger, period, and never send a stranger to pick them up.
