Being too 'honest'
@elijahalcantara (84)
Philippines
March 17, 2007 3:36am CST
I've met people who say things... to the point they are actually hurting other people, including me. They then defend their position that at least they are honest to themselves and what they think of others quite openly than being a liar. It's like being called that in front of my face.
I believe there is a limit or a boundary set for being too honest... too honest to the point of actually hurting people. They should keep that to themselves and watch what they say. ..
What are your opinions on this?
3 people like this
22 responses
@blindedfox (3315)
• Philippines
17 Mar 07
All thinga that are done excessively isn't good. And that also applies to being honest. I don't call those people who are too honest 'honest', I call them 'rude' and 'blunt'. I hate these kind of people. I hope they take a good look at theirselves first. =/
@uu4h708 (638)
• Philippines
17 Mar 07
well you cant help it if they are like themselves.. being too honest is really painful to the persons around them but i think that having such people around (especially here in mylot) is an important key to make things workin... for example..you post a discussion.. and sometimes... you mix details and to person1, you make sense and for person2, well he just doesnt get what you mean and then person3 is like getting 50% of what you really meant... so these 3 persons would have different opinion to your thoughts... now what if those 3 is being mindful of what you'll feel instead of what you should know?? then all will be white lies.. how would you feel if they just responded with "oh yeah, i feel so sad about it blah blah blah" instead of " well you must be stupid to think that way, you should have done this blah blah coz that's what i would have done"... blogs and comments are you know a picture of a person's mind... if you dont want people to show who they really are, then dont post something that would make them show their color... post something neutral... well as long as what their saying is related to your discussion and not to your accent or spelling or grammar or your PICTURE, that is not rudeness... that's honesty and a way to tell you.. that hey... this is what i think about what you said and as long as they dont call you names right??
n_n
2 people like this
@uu4h708 (638)
• Philippines
18 Mar 07
well you do have a point there.. offline and online friends' opinion could be different in terms of depth and content... but personally i expect my friends to be always true to me. to always say what they meant to say and not just to say something that would please me... that's why i call them friends in the first place... but when i react to Online friends, i sometimes consider whether what i would say would hurt them or not... it also depends on the question, if the question is like asking for a truthful answer then i would give just that... but if i am talking to an offline friend, someone who knows me and i know a lot... i will always say what is true and what should be known... n_n
well we have differnt opinions to this topic, goes to show the different personalities of each myLotter... n_n
1 person likes this
@uu4h708 (638)
• Philippines
18 Mar 07
and to add something,... there are two types of offline people.. one is your friend and the other, just someone you know... if the former says something rude (which i doubt he will) but true in content, what he said is appreciated and remembered by me.. but if the latter said something rude but true, i wouldnt appreciate it much than how i did for the former coz the latter is someone who doesnt know me that deep to say something true in a rude manner.....
@tess1960 (2385)
• United States
18 Mar 07
As you stated several people will see a different view to a discussion. Such as: Your response was on the line of mylot on-line disscussions. The main question was how do you feel about people that give truthful answers even if they know the answer will be hurtful. I took his question as to referring to offline friends/people. Here on mylot I would expect to recieve truthful, even hurtful answers; as the people here, even friends, do not truely know me. However, I would expect an offline friend that I have day to day contact with to be tactful and would indeed consider the person to be rude if he/she were to always answer with totally exact this is my opinion answers without being tactful.
An example. My daughter had really long beatiful hair. She was starting into a "find herself faze" of her being. She had gotten a tattoo and gotten married. One day she called me to stop by her house. We were on our way out of town and stopped to see her. She came running out of the apartment to meet us and all of her hair was gone. Every bit of it! She had what I will describe as a head full of peach fuzz. She was as excited as could be. And of course she asked, "How do you like it?". Just then I felt a squeeze on my arm, my husband. I replied "Well it's definitly different." She said, "That's what I was wanting, and it's so easy to take care of now, just wash and go, Bye!" And she ran back to her apartment. I cried all of the way to the mall, a 20 minute drive. Luckily my husband was understanding and let me get my tears out. I did get used to her almost bare head and her hair is a bit longer now.
What could have ended up being a scene I was able to "leave be", by not responding with a "Oh my God, what did you do!".
Now if I were to come across a discussion on mylot with the same situation I would proabably respond with the OMG, as I know on here I am expected to be truthful. Not that I would be being rude, but if someone online asks "What do you think?", I would bet they are wanting to compare responses and maybe get an idea of how to handle a off-line situation.
Just my opinion!
2 people like this
@ljcapps (1925)
• United States
17 Mar 07
I wouldn't call it rude but I have known a couple of people that are, as you describe them, too honest. Actually my wife is one of those people. With time I have been able to help her develop a brain to mouth filter. She now asks someone if they are sure they want her opinion when it might be hurtful. I don't think it was ever her intention to be rude or cruel, it was just that she was raised to speak what was on her mind, and somethings could be hurtful.
2 people like this
@tess1960 (2385)
• United States
17 Mar 07
I can't believe this I agree with two responses in a row. Some people seem rude but actually they are taught to be completely truthful. Often it is the age of a person too. I have a daughter that is "literal" When you ask a question you musr ask a direct question to get a direct answer. Also she will say exactly what she thinks, many thought she was snobbish on high school. It took time to learn to be tactful with her answers.
@ciaosamson (541)
• Philippines
17 Mar 07
I agree with you. There's honesty, then there's tactlessness. These are the people who don't think at all. And I think it's selfish of them to think only of their opinions and not of somebody else's feelings.
If they really want to say what's on their minds there's always a way of nicely saying delicate issues so they won't hurt other people.
2 people like this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
17 Mar 07
that's just an excuse they use to be rude. As the old saying goes, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." I understand being honest, but hurting others is not necessary. For example, lets say you and I are friends, and you ask for my honest opinion. The you ask me the question, "Do you like my new hair cut?" I may not like your new haircut, I may think you look like a boy, but instead of blurting this out to you, I could be tactful and say something like, "I did notice you got your hair cut,it looks good but I liked it better long, it accented your face more." "How do you like it?" Just my opinion.
2 people like this
@tess1960 (2385)
• United States
17 Mar 07
That is a very tactful response, one I would recommend. It always helps to turn a possible negative into a question. Not all people respond well to this type of response though. you would just have to use your best judgement on the persons personalitiy type. How well you know that person.
@jean_rose (415)
• Philippines
17 Mar 07
Being too honest even to the extent of hurting another? I don't call it honesty, my friend. I would call it rudeness or tactlessness.
2 people like this
@chavezrmc (6095)
• Philippines
18 Mar 07
For me i want that people around me to be honest. But honesty and brutally frank are far different maybe the other one is what you've gone through. Honesty can hurt but there is always a good and nice way to say it and that instead of hurting the person that you are telling this, you can see concern more than anything else. There's nothing with being honest it is the way people say it.
@lizeri (533)
• Philippines
18 Mar 07
There's nothing wrong in being honest. Just make your delivery of words good so that you won't offend other's feelings and make sure they are on the right mood for you to tell your side. Also, there are people who do not want to hear the truth because they find it hard to accept. And if you encounter such, you better keep quiet and wait for them to ask you about your opinion. If they are ready, then say everything, but in a nice way (as much as possible, put some humors so that it would be light for the person listening to you).
But don't be afraid to be honest. Isn't it, one of the ten commandments says, "You shall not bear false witness against you neighbor"? Another thing is that, truths can hurt for a while, but lies can hurt forever.
@bluewings (3857)
•
18 Mar 07
Agreed! There are people who,at times, don't weigh their words or the consequences of the chosen words and end up hurting feelings of folks around them.These aren't the guys who do it a few times accidentally, but the ones who find it impossible to sublimate their expressions inspite of the ''knowledge'' that it pains others or sometimes due to the lack of it.If I find someone like this in offline life ,then it's easier to deal with that person ,but on internet ,where I don't know the root of such ruinous opinions equated to honesty,I try to stay away from them,unless they come up with a really logical reason.
1 person likes this
@evalowrain (32)
• United States
18 Mar 07
They should read the Four Agreements. It explains that there's a difference between being impeccable with your word and being "honest." Impeccable means that, while you are truthful, you are not hurtful. Too many people don't understand that their words do have the power to hurt.
1 person likes this
@kring_m (107)
• Philippines
18 Mar 07
There are people who are very tactless and doesn't really care whatever words come out of their mouth which often hurts others feelings. you can be honest to people by being euphemistic.. you don't want that to happen to you either, so you better keep your mouth shut unless you have anything good to say. But there's a bid difference by being honest and being tactless. Just make sure to say things honestly to the right person, in a right place and in a right time.
@nengs10 (3180)
• Philippines
18 Mar 07
It's good to be honest, of course, but it still depends on the receiver(the person you talked to how he/she will react). For some, being too honest is really a compliment, yet for some, it's not. Well, before saying any word to a person, the speaker should be responsible for whatever outcome that conversation will go through. So, let's be sensitive to the words that come out of our mouth. Let's not be too impulsive..
@reeze_828 (137)
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
Well im not a frank person and i do agree with you that all of us have to limit some of our words, especially if it would hurt someones ego. I like honest people, but not too much! hehehe...
@cool_sumit (2)
•
18 Mar 07
honesty is the best policy....but too much honesty is too much louty....so u should not hurted on this..
honesty must be upto that limit atleast it should not harm us....and we r not goin to lose anything from that
@rovenn (69)
• Philippines
24 May 07
i think that being "too honest" could be both "nice and not that nice", why i said so? its because i think it would depend on that person way(s) of telling his/her concerns regardless of its nature (constructive or destructive) and so to speak, it also depends on how that "too honest" be taken by that other person who received it.
surely, negative things that other people say about each other, can hurt alot, can cause pain, can even degrade pride, but on the other hand... we can think of the very purpose of that person .. why he said that? are those things just came out to him?
sometimes we also had "undesirable manners" that we cant realized only by ourselves unless some one told us so.. but isnt it good for us to know those things "because of those too honest people"... isnt it good for us to know that fact about us? i mean...in a way they even help us to change for the better.. dont u think so?
@askguru (96)
• India
18 Mar 07
Sometimes being too honest is not good, because i've experienced it. It was last year that i was giving the interview for a job, in my work experienced i wrote it exactly as it is, so they offered me less salary because of my experienced in the same time my friend who had same work experienced as me wrote it as much as he can and they thought that he was right and gave him much more than me. So here on earth we still need some money to survive now iam thinking that sometimes being too honest let you down
@bluemestizo (429)
• United States
18 Mar 07
I can relate and understand where you are coming from when it comes to being too honest. The things we hide inside which we are afraid to other people. Sometimes people do things that hurt people behind their backs and later on it haunts them they have no choice but to open up about it. As the saying goes "The Truth Hurts".
@keanlylove (17)
• Philippines
18 Mar 07
For me, it's good to be honest as long as you can handle yourself better and as long as your in the position to tell the truth..it's much better to hurt someones feeling for telling the truth than to hurt them with lies..but in the right time and manner..
@aaa0126 (205)
• Philippines
18 Mar 07
honesty is the best policy..even if it hurt us so much if someone would tell us like in your situation,it is better that they tell you what they need to tell you coz it is much too painfull if they spread gossip about you,or you're the last to know about that,for me it's better that way.. no offense meant i'm just being honest with you girl! c:
@Annetherese (11)
• United States
17 Mar 07
I agree that many people think and speak too quickly and hurt others feelings. One person told me that it was part of her culture, so I just try to ignore it, but every so often I do say something to her about hurting my feelings. Then she tells me I sometimes hurt her feelings too. Have you thought that maybe you don't realize it but you might be insulting these people too? I try to be very careful about everything I say now even more than ever before.
1 person likes this
