Does friendship also mean debating?
By JuliaPan
@JuliaPan (564)
Canada
March 17, 2007 9:53am CST
Our friends visited us yesterday. After children were put to bed, we were sitting all night long, having some drink and disputing. As we discussed different topics, my hubby gave some reason on a topic (no matter what, as it's a rather private matter), our friends misunderstood him and at last we found ourselves arguing heavily. At some moment I was even afraid that our friends, whom we love very much and consider to be our really good friends, would rise and leave our flat and so our friendship would be over. Finally, we made it up, but our small party was a bit spoiled...
Now I've no idea on how we'll get on together. Time will show if this little misunderstanding result in the condolidation of our friendship or... vice versa.
In this connection, I'd like to ask you myLot people your opinion on the following topic: is friendship only a pleasant pastime when people communicate and don't quarrel or fight, or does friendship allow quarrels, disputes, fights, etc? How to understand it's true relationships? Thank you.
5 people like this
14 responses
@aissar (414)
• Malaysia
17 Mar 07
My answer would be neutral - friendship is a pleasant pastime where people communicate, yet true friendship allows debate and quarrel.
When you feel worried that the dispute you got into with your friends would result in the breaking of your friendship, it shows that the relationship you have is genuine; it's real, solid and bonding. Therefore, in this kind of friendship, arguing amongst each other is perfectly normal. You should be happy that at least your friends show concern and argues with you because they want you to understand something which you might have accidentally overlooked. In this sense, they're being true friends, because they care.
True friendships would allow arguing. It would strengthen the bond even more. On the contrary, friendships that are based on exchanging pleasantries typically aren't real. So take heart, and treasure them. It's okay if you argue once in a while.
4 people like this
@teison2 (5921)
• Norway
17 Mar 07
I hope this does not end or harm your relationship with your friends.
I like to discuss and debate a lot. So do many of my friends. We do not agree on everything. That just makes it more interesting to discuss things. I do not think a friendship is very strong if people just share happy thoughts and moments. What makes my friendships strong are our interaction when times get tough. Respect and forgiveness is vital in any relationship. A heated argument does not mean the friendship is hurt - it might mean you get to know eachother better thus strengthening the relationship. It all depends on how you all view the situation. If someone feel hurt it should be adressed as soon as possible to not make the hurt a permanent part of the frindship.
All that said I can think of arguments that may end a friendship. I doubt I could continue a close friendship with someone who were rasist, disrespectful and dishonest. If an argument revealed these kind of traits I would not try to make things up again.
3 people like this
@JuliaPan (564)
• Canada
18 Mar 07
I agree with you. If I ever hear the people whom I consider to be my friends saying something dishonourable or disrespectful, no matter with regard either to my family and me or to anyone, this will be the end of our friendship. By the way, because of this reason I cut off any relations with a person whom I thought was my true friend, about half a year ago. No regrets.
Thank you.
2 people like this
@smkwan2007 (1036)
• Hong Kong
18 Mar 07
Real friend do not mind having argument sometimes Real friends do not leave you behind even if you are in trouble. You know people all have their own point of view. Something you consider trivial, but to your friend it is a big deal. Actually the moments of trouble and conflicts are the best touchstone to test friendship. If they leave for such reasons they are not your real friends.
@roniroxas (10560)
• Philippines
17 Mar 07
it depends on how deep your relationship with your friends. coz for me friendship is like a sister-brother relationship. you argue with your sibblings, you debate with them too and sometimes fights. but after saying what you feel and after hurting each others feelings then you will be chatting again about anything or nothing. for me thats how i treat my friends. sometimes a certain topic can really come out of hand but if the freindship is deep that wont matter, really.
2 people like this
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
17 Mar 07
I think the sign of a true friendship is to be able to disagree, argue, debate and still remain friends. Just because people don't agree on every single little thing doesn't mean they can't be friends. Now if you never agree on anything then it's really not a very good friendship.
3 people like this
@beaniegdi (1964)
•
18 Mar 07
It depends, it can be that when something like this happens the people involved see a new side to their friends and if this means that the friendship ends then so be it. You don't always know your friends views which is why a friendship continues but once them views are known if it is so opposite to what you think is right then it can end the friendship. On the other hand it maybe that after the argument it is considered such a small issue that it does not affect the friendship at all. Imagine 2 people who are friends and think they share the same outlook but then in discussion it turns out one would never wear fur thinking it murder and the other would wear fur thinking we breed and kill animals for meat so why not their skins. Once this is out in the open and neither will change their view then it could well be enough to end the friendship.
2 people like this
@Ruralchook (538)
• Australia
21 Mar 07
My best friend of 5 years whom Im very close to has a slight problem with me at the moment. Im not worried at all though as I know that good friends always come back and treat you the same as before once they realise the problem is silly.
1 person likes this
@sidoney (1033)
• Jamaica
17 Mar 07
i hate the quarrel and fight but i love to have a little dispute every now and then its 90% pleasant and 10% unpleasant but always a memorably time don't worry the word friendship is like any other relation ship lots of sugar lots of spice and a little chemical x.
2 people like this
@dfinster (3528)
• United States
21 Mar 07
I think friendsip takes work sometimes. Not any kind of hard work but work on everybodys part to try to see each others points of view. I don't think everybody can agree on everything and it would probably be pretty boring if we did. But, sometimes we have to just agree to disagree.
1 person likes this
@mehale (2200)
• United States
18 Mar 07
My best friend and I have had some really intense fights from time to time, but we always remain friends. We share many of the same interests, but we don't always agree on the best actions to take in a particular situation. We have had many loud debates, and numerous ones that turned into outright fights, where we didn't speak for a few days. However, through thick and thin, our friendship has continued. I guess that is one of the main ways to know it is a true friend ship. If you are able to work things out and stay together through thick and thin, then it is probably a true friendship.
1 person likes this
@Denmarkguy (1845)
• United States
26 Mar 07
My experience with "best" friendships has been that they are pleasant 90% of the time, but occasionally there are some "bumps on the road." I think that may just be the nature of human relationships.
I tend to be a mostly diplomatic person, so I usually change a discussion before it becomes an outright fight. It has happened a few times with really close friends, however... and it has taken a little while for both sides to "cool off," and then the friendships (most of the time) have started up again. I think it's important to keep in mind that when you are close to people, it seems to cause more difficulties when they disagree with something important to you... than it would with some complete strangers. The good thing is that we also have more of an "investment" in our close friends, so the disputes are soon forgotten again.
1 person likes this
@JennyLeah (190)
• United States
17 Mar 07
I'm just jumping on the bandwagon here, but as far as I've ever understood it friendship is both.
I actively seek out friends with different opinions on some subjects than mine because on the one hand, a healthy debate never hurt anyone, and on the other, because it expands my view of the world. If our friendship is not secure enough to survive a disagreement, then it wasn't as strong as I believed.
Everyone hopes the good times will outweigh the bad. The good memories will be more numerous than the memories of a knock-down-drag-out fight. But there's no reason you shouldn't have both.
2 people like this
@kavi112 (232)
• India
18 Mar 07
FRIENDSHIP ALWAYS WILL HAVE SMALL FIGHTS AND QUARRELS.. it s natural that always people will have different opnion on a same topic... so there will be a argument in that situation.. but it should get setteled once tha talk is over.. if the small disputes are over once the talk is over then the realtionship is fine...
@yanstill (1490)
• China
2 Apr 07
friends need to communicate,people can be friends because they can communicate honestly,by doing this,i think there will inevitably have debating or arguments,coz we are all different,we cant have the same thought.
as friends,if we have different opinion,we are not slow to say it out,if we are stranger or not that familiar,maybe we need to consider is it indiscreet to say that?
so i think you really dont need to worry about it,true friends understand each other,after several days,they will get together again,and if they disagree on another thing,argument comes,sometimes friendship is from that,i mean,in some way.
1 person likes this
