How to regain trust....

United States
March 19, 2007 2:00am CST
So my boyfriend and I are well...not sure if we're gonna stay together now. He did something terrible to ruin all the trust I built with him. No he didn't cheat on me or any thing but I do'nt want to get into it. It came down to my 65 year old parents driving 300 miles out of desperation cause he ditch me last second when he promised he wouldn't. He said he did so cause he thought of ending our relationship. But now tomorrow we're gonna have a huge master talk. It could go either way I guess. I barely trust him even to know if we're even having this talk or not. I feel like every thing that comes out of his mouth is a big black smoke of lies. It doesn't matter what he says, to me i think it's a lie. His lying was kinda bad for a while.... then it became to where every thing he was saying was the truth. I looked for it... and I could'nt find a lying bone in his body. I know we all lie, and that's what makes me the angriest. I was trusting him so much. Last night he told me he'd be there for me today, and then he wasn't. So now it just feels like if Trust went from 0 to 80 / 100 in that time frame, it's all back to zero. Nadda. If he told me he liked video games despite his hundreds of dollars of games, I'd almost question that. I do have trust issues. Is it really possible for 1 bad episode to make you trust someone from a lot to ZERO. If we really do have this talk and we both say what HAS to happen for this relationship to continue or it's over...and let's say it works out...how can I ever learn to trust. Despite it all I will keep my motto, "I will not trust the untrustworthy."
4 responses
• New Zealand
19 Mar 07
well this sounds tricky with men one cannot be sure of nothing either they are madly yours or sadly never yours.We woman just keep on hoping that things would get better with the rising sun but the sun sets and so does our trust.Being carefull dosent work much for when you trust you get blind with the confidence but i guess one should keep ones eyes open enough not to be hit back.Life is cruel we can only sigh and fight.Anyways there are so many fishes in the ocean one cannot stay alone for long but if you are once bitten twice shy, if you plan to kick him out next time just listen to your heart it wont fail you if you think deep even if for a second think reach out mentally you may get a good catch,well trust yourself most anyday.
• Philippines
19 Mar 07
this is hard. the trust issue is hard to tackle. it's a fragile matter. trust, is a huge responsibility and along with it is a great expectation. coz we all know it takes time to develop trust. and trust can go up the smokes in a matter of seconds. like glass, once broken, it cannot regain the same stature as before. there will always be missing fragments and such. talking it all out, can be the best option for both of you right now. this is big time. unlike when love is lost, you have no control over it. however, when trust is lost, it's a different matter coz everything that was based on trust were within our control, our own doings. i'd say better cool down first, assess where the relationship is going. you can't build a relationship with a broken trust. whether you both decide that it's really over or work it out... once again, the trust issue will still be there. it won't go away. i'm for working on building the trust again first before continuing the relationship. when you both have learned to trust again and be trusted once more... then maybe, things could still work out. i'm having a hard time with the trust issue with my boyfriend also. with his line of work, he gets to meet a lot of temptations. one biggest temptation is his ex. at one point, i gave him my complete trust. even if i heard some rumors and felt the rumors bugging me... i simply told him that i trust him as he would trust me. yet at the back of my mind, i know it will just take one small slip on his part and the trust will be broken and never will it be back again the way it was. i put so much value on trust, coz for some time when we are having a rough spot...that was what's keeping my boyfriend and i together.
@reykja (121)
19 Mar 07
He really sounds like he's just spinning you around with all his empty promises. I personally think that you should move on, it's going to be better for you and you won't have to keep wondering if he will keep his promise this time or not.
• Singapore
19 Mar 07
Why stick with him if he makes you so unhappy? A good relationship should make you feel at bliss. Leave him, my friend. I am sure you can find a better guy.