What makes your relationship work?

United States
March 20, 2007 10:47am CST
Okay, let's hear from folks that have been together for 6 or more years. What makes your relationship work? My husband and I will celebrate our 16th anniversary in June - woohoo! We both bring a wide variety of interests, opinions, and hobbies to our relationship but, we also have a LOT in common! We agreed early on in our marriage to not let ourselves get into a rut but there are some foundational pieces in our marriage on which we can always count. I am sure that some would find our life rather boring and others would see it as rather adventurous. I suppose that means that we are pretty much middle of the road huh? So, how do we keep it interesting and stay out of a rut? We both love to travel and it doesn't matter whether it's to a neighboring town for the afternoon or a 2 weeks on a luxury cruise liner. The majority of our travel times are planned so as to take advantage of the best prices on the best places. But, there are several times a month that somethng 'spur of the moment' will happen as well. It can be as simple as one of us having a hankering for a hot, fried pie. A hot, fried pie from the cafe two towns away. Well, we get up and go get it instead of talking about 'the next time we are over that way' or 'someday we ought to go over there'. We enjoy fine dining but both agree that a hotdog at the ballpark is the only way to initiate Spring! Sure, hubby enjoys the game for the stats and athletic prowess on the field while I prefer watching the people and the antics of the mascots. It's a great way to spend a day but, we don't have season tickets . . . too easy to get into a rut, you see? While we live 'in town' we both have some 'country/farm' roots and consider ourselves blessed to live in an area of town that permits our small flock of chickens. We also have a couple of privileged cats but, no horses, cattle, or goats for us - we don't want to be that tied down. One of our favorite ways to spend a Fall or Winter afternoon is curled up on the couch with some cocoa, a fleece blankie, and a stack of movies. But come Spring and Summer you will most likely find us outside in the garden, with the chicken, enjoying a walk, or taking a bike ride. But, we switch up the coach potato days with the activity days a couple of times each season. We find that the switch gives us a new appreciation for the norm. So, what are those foundational pieces of our life on which we can always count? First and foremost - we have a monogamous relationship in we made a choice to love each other unconditionally. I choose to love him even when he is being (in MY opinion) too analytical about the budget/finances, household repairs, or career choices. He chooses to love me through times of (in HIS opinion) irresponsibility in my job or lack of dependability with friends or family. Second, we are committed to building healthy relationships outside of our own. Neither one of us has a slew of friends - preferring QUALITY over QUANTITY. We help each other see when a friendship has become toxic or detrimental . . . encouraging each other to set boundaries or sever ties if needed. By the way, this goes for family as well! We have also agreed that while there will be special times that we open the doors of our home to friends and family - our home is a refuge and oasis for US. And, it took a bit of time under the same roof but we also enjoy a comprise on the definition of a clean and comfortable living space. We both have an ongoing genuine concern for the well-being of the other. While my husband excels in this area, I am improving more and more as time passes - he is a great example! So many times, it is just a small act - something so simple as considering HIS preference for supper. Sometimes he will call in the middle of day telling me that I have been on his mind and he is wondering how my day is going. Talk about an aphrodisiac! I can hardly wait until we both get home! Well, those are some of my thoughts and ideas on our relationship. How about you? Ellen
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